Transcript
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,440
I had intense fear and panic because we were obviously crashing. Out of my heart came the
2
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,960
thought, oh God help, I'm going to die.
3
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:16,360
From the time that they pronounced me dead was a good 45 minutes.
4
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,320
It's determined that I was not breathing for 20 minutes.
5
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:24,480
They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped. And I could
6
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:29,680
see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my physical body
7
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,680
because I was somewhere else.
8
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:37,160
By which you went to the past far, in the afternoon, by half past seven I was dead, clinically
9
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,640
dead for four minutes.
10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:43,640
And they were crying because I was dead and I was trying to tell them, no I'm not dead,
11
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,520
I'm just fine, I'm okay.
12
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,480
I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
13
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:54,840
I started to feel like I was surrounded by all this warm, loving, beautiful, soothing,
14
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,840
loving energy.
15
00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:02,280
I'm back with God again. I just felt this all night to release, like, wow, I'm back,
16
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:03,600
I'm back home again.
17
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:08,440
Incredibly safe and felt at home. I'd come back home. It was a very strong feeling,
18
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,040
I've come back home.
19
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:16,120
The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
20
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,240
anything else to be felt.
21
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,400
And light is literally emitting from him. And I could feel that that tremendous amount
22
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,440
of love was coming through him as well.
23
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:35,960
They were brighter than everybody else and I just knew who they were.
24
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:40,480
Welcome everybody to Round Trip Death. We are super thrilled to have Peter Bedard with
25
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,720
us today from sunny, sunny Southern California. How are you, Peter?
26
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:48,920
I am fantastic. It's good to see you.
27
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,480
I think when I say Southern California, most people are thinking along the coast.
28
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,480
Right.
29
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,960
What's your desert man?
30
00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:01,400
I am. I love the heat. It's amazing here. I was saying earlier that our winters are
31
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:07,800
many places summer. So we have beautiful winters that are in the 70s and 80s that our summers
32
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:14,400
do get on, but it's been remarkably cool. It's only 88 degrees today, which in June,
33
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:21,440
we should be around 100. So for us, it's just a lifestyle. You learn to adapt to the desert.
34
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:27,280
We have tons of festivals, awesome, cool things out here. I love living in the desert.
35
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,880
That sounds great. A lot of retired people as well.
36
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:35,720
Yeah. It actually predominantly was Hollywood. It was medicinal. So there's a lot of hot
37
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:40,680
springs here. So a lot of people came here over the years, especially back in the day
38
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:45,120
for the hot springs. And then you know, Hollywood, the Rat Pack and all that type of stuff really
39
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:50,920
made Potter Springs famous. And a lot of people retired here and now it's turning into like
40
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:56,120
me more of a year round community. I'm part of our business chamber and we do all kinds
41
00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:00,360
of really just amazing stuff. I just love living out here.
42
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:06,280
Well, I warned you I was going to do this. Our listeners want to find out who Peter is.
43
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,200
Tell us just a little bit about you. And then we're going to jump right into your NDE. So
44
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,480
go for it.
45
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:19,680
Okay. So I, who am I? I am the divide present as an individual.
46
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,320
I live out here in the desert.
47
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,120
I'll believe whatever you tell me. Go right ahead.
48
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:34,240
Well, you know, it's that philosophy question. Who are you? I am that I am. Right. But I'm
49
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:40,440
a human level and I, I used to guy, I lived out in the desert for several years. I grew
50
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:48,960
up in California. I had a unusual career path as a kid. I was in the theater and I was discovered
51
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:53,880
as a dancer. I have the body type of a dancer. You know, there's a football player, body
52
00:03:53,880 --> 00:04:00,080
type basketball player, Bobby body type. I'm very blessed to get older and I, you know,
53
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:05,480
still kind of have that. I've certainly put on a little weight. But back when I was younger,
54
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:11,560
I was the guy that, you know, still fit in this high school jeans for quite a long time.
55
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:16,360
I was a dancer. I am that piece part of my near death story. So I will go into that too
56
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:22,880
much, but I was a child actor. I lived in LA. I did a lot, nothing really big. I did a lot
57
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:28,560
of stuff in, in London for a while. I came out to LA and I at some point just decided
58
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:34,520
that I really didn't want to do that anymore. And I got a degree in consciousness studies,
59
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:40,120
a master's degree in consciousness studies. And that's the study of science and religion.
60
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:45,800
So I got to study cosmology and string theory and, and the big bang and all that type of
61
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:52,440
stuff along with the bog of the Gita and Christian mysticism and, and Buddhism and all types
62
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,880
of really wonderful things. It's one of my favorite things that I've done and I was not
63
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:02,760
a school person. So for me to go back to school and get a master's was it meant I really,
64
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:09,040
really loved it. And I still do. I love the intersection between philosophy, theology and
65
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,760
science. It's just an amazing place.
66
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:16,520
I'm going to let our listeners know right now as you tell your story, they're going
67
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:21,400
to hear some things they have never heard before. And it just, it just kills me that
68
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:27,000
this keeps happening. When I think I've heard it all, I haven't, and I know I never will
69
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:32,640
because everybody's near death experience is different. And that is so cool about it.
70
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:38,240
All right. Get us back to the Bay Area. You're 17 years old. You're a dancer. What, what's
71
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,720
going on in your life?
72
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:46,920
Yeah. So I was, I was a kid that didn't fit in. I was kind of little Billy Elliot. My
73
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:54,360
dad was a Marine and a professional umpire. And my mom was a housewife who sold Avon. And
74
00:05:54,360 --> 00:06:00,200
I grew up in the suburbs of Silicon Valley. So as Silicon Valley came into being, it was
75
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:06,680
San Jose was where I grew up the city. And as it came into being, as I grew up, the orchards
76
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:11,960
came down and it turned into from an orchard farming community into what we know today
77
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:18,960
as Silicon Valley. And I grew up the theater. I grew up in the suburbs. It was not the best
78
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:24,120
place for me. It was great for my brother and sister, but I was more of the Billy Elliot
79
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,640
star. I don't know if you remember that movie Billy Elliot. It came out many years ago.
80
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,080
It's the dad who has a gay son and they have to figure out how to do, how to be together,
81
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,400
how to connect with each other, how to live together. And the son just wanted to be the
82
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:42,720
dancer and the dad was a brawler and a drinker and all that type of stuff. Boozer, right?
83
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,080
That type of thing. I like, I wanted to go to the museums. I wanted to go to theater.
84
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:53,040
I wanted to learn all that type of stuff about art, music and stuff like that. And my parents
85
00:06:53,040 --> 00:07:00,280
were very sort of low middle class, uh, wonderful people, but I really didn't fit in. I didn't
86
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:05,640
fit in at all. Give us an idea of what years this was. That'll help people put this in
87
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:11,680
perspective. Sure. Well, I'm in my 50s now. So this was back. I was born in the 60s.
88
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:16,920
So this is the 70s and 80s. Well, things were changing socially at that time, especially
89
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:24,080
in the Bay Area. Absolutely. That lifestyle was much more accepted all of a sudden. Yes.
90
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:32,000
And I was in the suburbs. So, so not as much, not as much now. Uh, but luckily I, I was
91
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,840
discovered. I, you know, I was put into dance by other people who saw my talent and put
92
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:41,360
me into these scholarship based classes. We didn't have the money to pay for them. So
93
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:46,160
to be able to have a scholarship, uh, and get that training within my first year of
94
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:52,800
dancing, I was already assistant teaching, which was just a huge gift. And I felt like
95
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:59,720
I found my home. You know, I found a way to fit in. I found a way to feel safe in my body
96
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:05,320
as a teenager. You know, I, I didn't feel safe in my community. Not that anybody was
97
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:11,760
overtly doing anything, but there was no one like, I just didn't fit in. And so to have
98
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:17,120
that experience of, of finding where I could excel, you know, it's kind of like the kid
99
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,200
discovering that they're a great basketball player. Well, I discovered I was a great dancer
100
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:25,960
and I was good at it and I had to work at it, but it was natural and came natural to
101
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:31,240
me to be able to dance and perform and do those types of things. So that was really
102
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:36,600
my home. I didn't necessarily feel safe, but it wasn't that my family was doing anything
103
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:41,280
to make me not feel safe. It's just, I was the kid that didn't fit in. There was no,
104
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:46,160
there was no role model. There was nobody liked me around. And my, my parents were cast
105
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:52,520
like an Episcopalian and there was a lot of that sort of energy coming at me. And again,
106
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,640
this was the seventies and eighties. And like I said, there was a lot happening and you
107
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:01,640
know, people were talking later in the eighties about the age crisis and all that type of
108
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:06,880
stuff going on. And there was a lot of shame. And so I stayed in the closet for a long time
109
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:12,040
because I didn't feel again, I didn't feel safe being who I was. And it was, it was a
110
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:17,480
little bit dangerous because I saw people get beat up being who they were and then people
111
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,480
hurt for who they were.
112
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,360
And was your dad one of those kind of tough macho military dads?
113
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:30,080
Yeah, kind of. He was, he got kicked out of the Marines because he couldn't take orders.
114
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:36,480
My dad did not like anybody taking, he didn't like having a boss. So my dad ended up being
115
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:42,240
a mailman where he could just do his job and they kind of just left them alone. And he
116
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:47,680
was beloved. Our community loved my dad. I grew up with all these kids who knew my dad
117
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:54,160
and thought my dad was absolutely amazing. And yeah, and I was, I, Danny was, he was
118
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,920
a great guy, but we just didn't know, we didn't have a common language. We didn't know how
119
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:03,360
to speak to each other. And it took a long time for us to find that my parents have come
120
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:08,840
such a long way. I'm so proud of them. They've really come to a point where my nephew who
121
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:15,320
is gay, they are absolutely supported by mom literally just showed up at the second pride
122
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:19,960
festival in her small town. They live in a small town out in Southern California now
123
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:26,440
too. And, and literally like she was wanting to be there and support and, and be out there
124
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:32,080
and say, you are loved no matter who you are and that type of stuff. And dad, my parents
125
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:37,120
come that way. But I can tell you a very personal story. It's a tangent to what this view of
126
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,120
it is.
127
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,520
You know, go, go right ahead.
128
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:45,240
Okay. So a few years back, gosh, this is probably 10 years ago. This was how I knew
129
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:51,120
my father had come to terms and actually accepted me. And it was, it was just such a wonderful
130
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:57,200
experience. I lived in LA. I was in the Hollywood scene. I knew lots of people and I did lots
131
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:01,920
of things. I went to lots of parties and all that type of stuff. And I had met one, I had
132
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:07,360
made friends with one of your first Victoria's secret supermoms, right? She had become a
133
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:11,040
friend of mine. And you know, the angels, the Victoria's secret angels, they would
134
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,400
wear the lingerie and the angel wing. I don't know if you're familiar with that.
135
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,400
Oh, absolutely.
136
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,400
Yeah.
137
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,560
I mean, no, no, what are you talking about?
138
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,680
Well, I met one of those girls.
139
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:25,120
My wife and my kids might listen. So no, I don't know what you mean.
140
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:30,920
Yeah, I never heard. So I met one of the first angels and she is really sweet to me and she
141
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,520
invited me over to for Thanksgiving. And I called up my dad and they said, dad, I don't
142
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,240
know what I should do. Should I come home for Thanksgiving? Should I not? I have this
143
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:46,160
invitation to go to the supermodel Thanksgiving. And my dad said to me, which was just one of
144
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:52,960
the, I said, yeah, my heart still softens when I hear what I tell this story. My dad
145
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:58,760
said, well, don't supermodels have a lot of gay friends. Maybe you should go there and
146
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:06,560
maybe you'll meet someone. And so for my Billy Ellie dad, like Marine umpire, sports fanatic,
147
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:12,240
you know, tough guy dad to tell me that he thinks I should go to Thanksgiving at the
148
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:17,760
supermodel's house says, because maybe I'll make a, I'll make a friend or be the partner
149
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:23,720
or something like that. That was just the moment that I knew that my parents, my father
150
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:29,680
specifically came around and loved me exactly as I was and wanted me to be.
151
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:35,720
And how old were you then? Gosh, it took a long time. I was in my 40s. So that took
152
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:43,520
a long time. It did. It took a long time. There's so much misinformation and fear and
153
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:48,720
religiosity and all that type of stuff that just gets in the way of us loving each other.
154
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:53,960
Well, and a big part of the message that we learn from near death experiences is pure
155
00:12:53,960 --> 00:13:01,920
love period. Absolutely. People just do not feel judged. It's just love. All right, let's
156
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:08,640
jump into it. 17 year old Peter. What's going on? So as you know, I was involved in performing
157
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:15,520
and I was, it was my senior year of high school and I, there was a, there was a little theater
158
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:22,160
in the downtown area near not far, not too far from my house. And this theater was a
159
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:27,240
old vaudeville theater. It was amazing. It's like, you know, boo and hiss of the villain
160
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:33,360
and the red hot mama. Yeah, no, all that. Of course it had red hot mama throwing popcorn,
161
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,600
all that type of sound, right? It was, it was amazing. It was so cool. I still wanted to
162
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:42,760
do that. At the time the drinking age was 18. I was only 17. I was only allowed to be
163
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,720
on the stage. I couldn't even step off the stage. I could only be backstage and because
164
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:53,560
I wasn't old enough to be in a, a good environment where they served alcohol. And my grandfather,
165
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:58,160
one of the reasons I was so excited about this, because my grandfather played the banjo.
166
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:03,480
And when he could, he would play in the vaudeville circuit. He would, you know, when he couldn't,
167
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,920
they needed somebody to fill in or be a banjo player, he would play the banjo. So I had this
168
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:14,640
connection with vaudeville. So I auditioned and I got the part and I got to play the horse's
169
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:24,280
ass. Literally, I got to be the horse costume and do that type of stuff. And it was just
170
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:30,800
so fun. And I'm 70, I'm over 17 and a half. I have just a couple of months till my birthday
171
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:35,920
and that opening weekend there, of course, was a party and my parents were very protective
172
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:41,280
of me. They were overly protected. They were very protected of me, told me I couldn't go.
173
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,440
And I was really upset. I had always been a good boy. My brother was the black sheep
174
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,160
of the family. And I saw my older brother and I saw all that was like, I'm not doing
175
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:56,000
any of that. They would get fights and just, it was awful. And so I decided to not go down
176
00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,600
that path. And I was always a good kid. So I was really angry. I was very pissed off.
177
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:07,040
And my parents told me I couldn't go to this party. But I obeyed them and I jumped on my
178
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:12,360
bike. I had a Moto B cane, which is like an Arleigh Moped. It's an English Moped. And
179
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:17,720
I got on my bike and I was driving back home into the suburbs. And people, I'm sure, know
180
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:22,520
that as you go into the suburbs, there are often really wide streets that lead into the
181
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:28,560
developments. There's like four lane streets that go in. Nobody's on the streets.
182
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:34,800
The feeder routes and it's dark. Yeah, it is dark. And the street has a curve to it,
183
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:41,400
like a big S, right? So I'm approaching that curve. I'm turning into the curve. There's
184
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,000
a car that suddenly appears. Literally, I did not see this car come from anywhere. Suddenly,
185
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:53,080
this car is behind me. Its headlights are flashing in my side mirrors, my side rear view mirrors.
186
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:59,640
And as I'm turning into the curve, there is a parked semi truck in that curve. And I try
187
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:06,680
to go around the semi truck. I'm not, I can't. I have several thoughts flashing my head really
188
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:11,200
quickly. What am I going to do? Am I going to try to fit between the semi truck and the
189
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,480
car? Can I jump the curb and get on the sidewalk? But there was a cyclone, those metal cyclone
190
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:23,680
fences right there. So I could lay my bike down. And I, before I could even make a full
191
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:30,600
choice, the car hit my back tire and it pushed my back tire. I was probably going maybe 20
192
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:37,160
miles an hour. I was breaking the car, pushed my tire, takes my bike up up the impact, picked
193
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:43,120
my bike up and pushed me into the back of the park semi truck. So the bike went under
194
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:49,040
the truck, slid out through there. There was a wheel guard underneath the truck at the bumper
195
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:54,920
of the truck. And so I get that and bounced off into the street. And the car drove away
196
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,680
and it was in October. And I don't know if you know the weather, where you do a little
197
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:04,880
bit the Bay Area in San Jose. The weather is just amazing. And it's those warm days and
198
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,400
those cool, crisp sort of, you know, autumn, summer nights.
199
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:13,840
Yeah, it's a beautiful time of year there. So this car didn't stop to help you.
200
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:14,840
Oh, no.
201
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:20,880
Did it, besides it hitting your tire, which threw you into the truck, did the car hit
202
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,520
you too? I'm just trying to picture all the damage that happened.
203
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:29,640
No, the car hit my bike, thrust my, I was already going 20 miles per hour. It sort of
204
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:38,080
pushed my bike probably into a faster speed. I consciously jumped out of my bot. So I didn't
205
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:44,840
come my mentality, my consciousness didn't hit the truck. My body did. But I jumped out
206
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:50,200
of my body those seconds and watched the bike and the car hit the truck or my bike and my
207
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:55,680
body hit the truck and watched the car drive away. I watched that whole thing.
208
00:17:55,680 --> 00:18:01,320
Before we go on, some people are going, huh, what? I can't do that. Is this a gift that
209
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:06,080
you already had or did it just in the split second happened?
210
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:11,160
It's something I had done previously. Just as a kid, I think it's like, you know, we
211
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:17,400
call it astral projecting. I've never practiced it. I've done it a few times just while meditating
212
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,920
without not being on purpose, just done it over the years. It's, if anybody wants to
213
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:28,880
look it up, it is called astral projecting and it's bringing your consciousness, right?
214
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,640
Separating your consciousness. There's people often talk about having a tether and stuff
215
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:39,080
like that to link you always. But I jumped out of my body and watched that whole thing
216
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,360
and it was a beautiful experience. I remember thinking of what a gorgeous night it was.
217
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:49,360
I think it was all known. I remember it just, there was the sky. Even though it was probably
218
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:54,880
around 1030 at night, 10 or 1130 at night, I watched the whole thing with this sense
219
00:18:54,880 --> 00:19:02,600
of just curiosity and detachment. There was no pain. And I think that one of the lessons
220
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:08,960
I learned is I think is when we do go through the death process, often we can step out.
221
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:14,200
We can have a choice. And if I've seen this before with other people and they're dying
222
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:19,320
processes, I've been around people and helped people go through the process of transitioning
223
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:27,080
and dying. And as us looking at people maybe in the hospital bed, writhing in pain, what
224
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:33,960
I discovered was that's their body, but not necessarily their consciousness. That oftentimes
225
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,320
they're really not even in their body while their body is going through this process of
226
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:45,760
letting go of its human flesh. I think that's a very common thing. And we get very upset
227
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:51,520
about it because it's hard for us to look at someone suffering. And at the same time,
228
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:57,640
I often don't think that that person is really there. So are they really suffering? In my
229
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:04,060
case, no. There was really no suffering in the process of my transitioning, of my dying
230
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:08,560
and letting go of my body. It was actually really beautiful. I think it's a choice that
231
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:13,360
we can make. If people haven't done that, maybe I happen to believe because of these
232
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:19,480
experiences and my spiritual education, I happen to believe they're reincarnation. I
233
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:26,240
think we come back and we do these things many, many times. And in that experience,
234
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:32,160
if we've already experienced something, then maybe we don't have to do that again. We don't
235
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:38,160
need to. Oh, I've already done that. I don't need to learn about that. So I can step out
236
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,080
like I did and just watch the whole thing.
237
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:46,940
People that listen to this show, this isn't a new thing to us. This is we've had people
238
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:52,400
on before that have talked about, Hey, I was in this car accident where we came around
239
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:58,600
a mountain road. I see mountain road car slid off a cliff. And as the car is plunging off
240
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:05,200
a cliff, she said, I wasn't in my body. I was just watching and I love how very matter of
241
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:12,400
fact it is. It's not like I was out of my body screaming bloody murder. It's I'm just
242
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:19,640
watching like, okay, no fear, no fear, no worry. And I've talked to other people, especially
243
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:26,520
in horrific accidents of some sort, like traffic accidents that were out of their body when
244
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:33,040
it happened and they didn't feel the impact, whether it was off a cliff or head on collision.
245
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,440
And they hadn't practiced it or anything. They didn't even know the term astral travel
246
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:42,480
like you're talking about, but they they had somehow some way right before the moment of
247
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:50,600
collision became an observer, a witness instead of experiencing the most traumatic thing that
248
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,600
could ever happen.
249
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:59,680
It's one of the I like to differentiate nowadays because there's so much like ayahuasca and
250
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:07,560
drug use where people have these experiences where they feel like they're dying. And I have
251
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:13,400
to check myself because I get a little offended sometimes from this because oh my God, I died
252
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:20,200
too. Oh, tell me about your NDE. Oh, well, I did ayahuasca and and it was oh my God, I
253
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:25,680
would do this death process. And I'm like, okay, that's all right. That's not exactly
254
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:31,160
the same thing. Please don't call it that you don't say that you died. Maybe your ego died.
255
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:36,720
Maybe you had to face a bunch of like experiences and you had to kill off a part of you that
256
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:42,960
needed to be released or something like that. But that's not the same thing. And I often
257
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:50,360
hear these people, oh yeah, I am in your death experience. Well, no, no, no, you didn't.
258
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:56,200
Not exactly. I like to say maybe close to that experience or an ego death experience
259
00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:01,240
or something of that. But that's not a near death experience. Right. Or they may have
260
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:07,160
had an out of body experience of some sort. Exactly. And ions classifies those as near
261
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:14,040
death experiences just because they're putting this blanket term on all of it. But yes, some
262
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:18,840
things are different than others. Yeah, because in those experiences, there's a lot of fear.
263
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:26,680
Yes, those people feel so much fear. They feel so much pain. They feel this death, this dramatic
264
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:32,360
idea that especially with the ayahuasca death experience, they feel these dramatic kind of
265
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:38,280
painful, ripping away type of things. And when I see people talk about near death experiences,
266
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:44,360
like like when I add, that's very matter of fact, like you said, it's very, oh, it just happened.
267
00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:50,760
It's part of my story. It's part of my experience. There's really no drama with it. So that's why
268
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:56,280
I like to think of the other one as an ego death experience. Okay. Not quite the same.
269
00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:02,680
Anyway, super interesting. So we're just getting started here. Okay. Let's jump back into it.
270
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:09,320
So you're now crashing into a semi truck, a parked semi truck. Yeah. Yeah. What happens to your body
271
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:14,440
and what happens to you? So I get to watch the whole thing and that was not wonderful. I think it
272
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:20,920
was a gift where I get to watch my body just get mangled and not feel it. What a great gift that
273
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:29,320
and feel great. So my body itself, I shattered five vertebrae, I cracked five vertebrae,
274
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:35,960
I split my right wrist open, I lost all the nerves in my right hand. I had undiagnosed brain
275
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:43,320
damage and I shattered my left knee. So my knee was a very interesting injury because it was from
276
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:51,240
the back of the knee. So my kneecap was intact, but the ballers leading into the knee had shattered
277
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:58,520
in the joint to little tiny pieces, which was another just amazing experience because that's
278
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:04,200
what a lot of football players gather when they got a knee injury is from the rear and they,
279
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:11,160
my injury, they flew 14 surgeons in from the NFL to actually put my knee back together.
280
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,280
And they ended up doing at the time a very experimental surgery where they glued all the
281
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:23,560
little bone fragments together. I only have three little pins in my knee. So I have three metal
282
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:28,920
pins in my knee. I had a big steel rod in my knee just to stabilize it. And they took that out.
283
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:34,600
And when those bones, those bones grafted back together and they were stabilized because of
284
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,840
that rod, they pulled the rod out. And those three little pins are the only thing there.
285
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:45,720
So I feel very blessed by how the doctors were able to handle putting my bones back together.
286
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:51,320
They had no idea what to do with me after that, but I was able to walk. I couldn't dance.
287
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:56,920
But, you know, one doctor told me I wouldn't be able to walk and if I could, I'd have to have
288
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:02,600
assistance or the wheelchair or a walker or something of that sort. And I beat their prognosis.
289
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:09,160
I actually said a bad word to the doctor. I told the doctor to f off when he told me that
290
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:14,920
there's no way they could, that's a prognosis in their opinion. That's not my life. And so
291
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,160
I was a little sassy kid.
292
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:23,320
I've had a couple of doctors. I've wanted to do that too. When I've had major injuries, Dr.
293
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:29,800
Rogers, you don't know what I was thinking about you anyway. Anyway, keep going.
294
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:37,320
Okay. So my body was pretty shattered. I watched myself down there. I watched the car drive away.
295
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:45,800
And I was just in this very serene, quiet place of just admiring the beauty of the night. It was so
296
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:53,720
like the juxtaposition was just odd. And I was aware that it was odd. I was very aware that, oh,
297
00:26:53,720 --> 00:27:00,280
that's my body. And I'm fine. I was very aware not only am I fine, but I actually feel good.
298
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:08,040
So I'm out of my body. My body's over the street. Nothing's happening against a quiet suburban road.
299
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:14,760
We have no record. The police record disappeared. We have no record of an ambulance. An ambulance
300
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:20,520
called someone called it. Someone, I saw the ambulance as I was outside of my body.
301
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:26,360
And there's no police report. There's no ambulance record. There's nothing until I get to the hospital.
302
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:35,080
So my parents home was about a half hour, 25 minutes from the hospital. And somebody at some
303
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:40,920
point had to find me and then call the paramedics. Paramedics had to come out, which at that time,
304
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:49,080
the response time was about 12 minutes. So in that time, I have no idea how much time it was,
305
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:56,760
because I didn't go back into my body fully until I woke up in the hospital. I was outside
306
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:04,120
the, at least for an hour that I could think that I'm aware of. I'm watching my body. The car drives
307
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:11,880
away. It's beautiful. And suddenly I feel myself being pulled. I did the tunnel. So I feel myself
308
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:19,080
being pulled into the tunnel. And that's, you know, very common. My tunnel was spinning. So it's
309
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:28,120
spinning clockwise and it was spinning clockwise and moving forward. So the tunnel is rotating,
310
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:34,520
but also rotating in a direction. It was a very interesting experience. I think why that's so
311
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:39,640
interesting to me is just my physics understanding and quantum theory. And, you know, that's like
312
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:46,600
what the universe is like as our solar system is moving through space. It's rotating, but it's also
313
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:53,080
going in a direction. It's not stagnant. And so my experience was very much like that. I was
314
00:28:53,080 --> 00:29:00,440
rotating clockwise, but I was also spiraling towards something. And what is that tunnel looking like?
315
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:07,320
Is it white? Is it dark? And there must have been some kind of, I don't know, structure or
316
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:12,280
something to it to where you could actually tell that it was spinning. That's right. If it was pure
317
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:16,280
white, for example, you wouldn't be able to tell. So give me some detail on the tunnel.
318
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:25,000
So the tunnel that I went down was, it sort of had a base of white, but you know, when you look
319
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:32,520
through prisms and you see the white of the light gets shattered into rainbows, that's what my tunnel
320
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:39,240
was like. It was full of light, was full of color, and it was full of depth. It was like,
321
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:45,000
I don't know how to say it exactly, but like if you were thinking of a cave and a crystal cave,
322
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:50,680
and the crystal's growing on the cave, and some are going to be bigger or longer or be wider or
323
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:58,280
whatever, that's kind of like what my space was. There was nothing solid about it. It felt like
324
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:06,120
pure energy, so I couldn't necessarily see through it. It wasn't translucent, but it was just light.
325
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:12,440
So it's hard to explain because it again, it wasn't solid. My whole experience being on the other side,
326
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:19,240
nothing was solid, but everything had form. And were you headed towards something down the tunnel?
327
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:24,040
Was there something at the other end you were seeing? I didn't see anything. I was just in a
328
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:30,600
tunnel and I was enjoying the light and the movement and the direction and the colors. And
329
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:36,840
then all of a sudden, it was just in a snap. Suddenly, I was in a place. I have no idea what
330
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:43,720
this place was. That place, like the tunnel, was full of light. I had this sensation that I was in
331
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:51,960
a defined space, and yet at the same time, it felt infinite. I felt like I was at a location,
332
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:58,520
and there was a sense of like it's stamped, but I couldn't necessarily see or explore. It was kind of
333
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:05,400
like that white energy, that light energy, and the colors there, I can't even explain. The colors
334
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:12,920
are so brilliant. They're colors that we don't see in our daily human life. I got to think about it.
335
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:19,480
I think I read once that seahorses have the ability to see twice as many colors as we see.
336
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:25,720
That's amazing. That there are more colors that exist even in the world that we're living in,
337
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:32,600
in this physical world, that we as human beings can interpret with the colors of our eyes.
338
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,840
There's actually so much more out there that we just don't see.
339
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:42,280
So try to describe one of them. I mean, I'm looking at that artwork behind you. There's red,
340
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:48,040
blue, yellow, green. There's nearly everything orange. There's nearly everything in the rainbow,
341
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:54,600
in this kind of geometric abstract. But are we looking towards the reds, towards the blues,
342
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,160
or towards something you can't even describe at all?
343
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:05,960
I can't describe it. It's just, it's as if our spectrum of color is multiplied, and I want to
344
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:16,600
say by four. There's four other realms, spectrums of color that we are part of. We see a particular
345
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:27,000
section of that. But there's more, and the colors are just, the colors are more energy than color.
346
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:33,400
I don't know if that makes, I don't think that makes any sense. The colors are more perception.
347
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,480
In other words, it's not something you just see with your eyes.
348
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:45,160
No, exactly. It's something that you feel. It's literally physically. The colors, you feel the
349
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:52,840
vibration and the frequency of the colors. Like they're tactile. You can touch them,
350
00:32:53,480 --> 00:33:00,920
and you can feel them on the body that I had there. I actually had a body there. I actually,
351
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:06,680
it wasn't that I was disembodied. It wasn't that I was just pure energy. I personally had a shape.
352
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:13,160
I had a form. I never saw a mirror of myself to see myself, but I could see my hands. I could see
353
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:18,600
my feet. I knew my body was intact. I knew my legs were fine. I knew my spine was fine.
354
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,600
I knew my face had gotten ripped open. I knew it was fine.
355
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:29,560
You didn't see a mirror, but you felt like it was more of a human form, like your regular fingers,
356
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,840
toes, et cetera. Okay.
357
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:37,080
Yeah. Yeah. I can look down and see my legs and my legs fully functioned. I had my toes. I had my
358
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:45,560
legs. I was a dancer, so I was very strong. I was very long and lean and sinnowy, and all that was
359
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,240
still there. I could see my arms. I could see whatever you've been seeing, looking at your body
360
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:56,120
without a mirror. I could look down and I could see my hips. I could see my elbows. I could see
361
00:33:56,120 --> 00:34:07,000
these parts of me. I had the same form that I have now, and I had the same structure that I have now.
362
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:17,320
In this place of feeling and frequency and light and vibration, I don't know how to describe it,
363
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:23,480
and I'm sure you've heard this many times. If you take the word joy or bliss, let's say,
364
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:28,920
in the English language, the happiest word that you could use, the word with the most,
365
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:35,960
I think it's joy. Joy is above all emotions, the joy or bliss.
366
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:43,560
I agree. It's way deeper than happiness. Happiness can be very fleeting joy is much deeper and much
367
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:52,360
more eternal. It comes from within. Yeah. It's this joyful experience of being in this place.
368
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:59,560
It's inside of me. I feel the joy. I am the joy. Multiply that by a million, and maybe you'll get
369
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:06,440
a fraction close to the understanding of what it is on the other side, a fraction close to that
370
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:15,560
understanding. It is the most beautiful, blissful, joyous, happy, expansive, conscious, gorgeous,
371
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:23,480
this amazing experience being that. I wish I had more adjectives for you to fill in,
372
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,800
because I could tell you could use a million of them.
373
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:32,760
They still wouldn't come close to this frequency, this vibration, to this feeling tone.
374
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:40,760
They just wouldn't, from this beingness, because it really is a beingness. It's like your whole
375
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:50,520
self, every cell, every part of your consciousness, every part of me was lit up and filled with this
376
00:35:50,520 --> 00:36:00,120
joy. It wasn't like being high. It was fully aware. It wasn't like being unconscious or detached.
377
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:08,280
It's not like people describe trips or drug trips or something like that. It was full consciousness.
378
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:15,480
In fact, more conscious than I think we can be as human beings, at least in this earthly plane.
379
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:23,240
There was this access to self, to everything, like the capital S self, to the divine itself.
380
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:29,080
I love this. Keep your train of thought. I'm going to sidetrack us for just a second.
381
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:37,000
Why, if you felt that, and it was that amazing, when you came back, why didn't you just commit
382
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:42,200
suicide to get back there? Oh my gosh. I'm so glad you brought that up, because
383
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:53,240
I never tried to consciously plan out suicide. But for at least 20 years, if not more,
384
00:36:53,960 --> 00:37:00,280
I would put myself into situations where I could have left. I could have died. I could have ended
385
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:07,240
my life. I had four experiences after that, where I was severely hospitalized, and I had to consciously
386
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:14,360
choose to stay. And you did. And I did. I didn't want, there was something, there is something
387
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:23,000
holding me here. There's something that's saying, nope, not yet, not time, even when I've been in
388
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:29,960
my most, because I have, I've had quite a few dark nights of the soul in my life. I've had quite a
389
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:36,440
few of those experiences of just being like, I'm just going to, I'm done. I'm done. I don't want to
390
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:43,560
be here. And there's something when I get to that place that keeps me here. There's, I'm here for
391
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:49,640
some purpose. If somebody is having a really, really hard day today as they're hearing this,
392
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,640
please tell them something that's going to help keep them here.
393
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:58,440
That they had, there's a reason they're here, that their life is important, that their life is
394
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:05,480
valuable, that they are already and have already achieved their purpose in life. They're already
395
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:10,760
fulfilling. So many people are, I feel useless. Nobody loves me. I'm not receiving my purpose.
396
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:15,880
And I'm going to get a little spiritual on people that I think we are all emanations of the divine.
397
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:22,600
I think God in itself is getting to know itself through us. We are like a wave on the ocean.
398
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:28,680
That's part of what I've made my studies and that experience of being crossed over has taught me
399
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:37,640
that I come from, we come from divine source. We are pure divine source in human form. And just
400
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:43,480
by being here and being in human form, you are already achieving your purpose.
401
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:51,880
Beautiful. Your purpose is to be an expression of the divine. And if that expression is sad,
402
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:57,560
be sad. Great. Own it. It's the divine getting to know itself. People say, well, why would God
403
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:02,200
make that? Well, God would make that because God wants to know all of the human possibilities.
404
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:08,200
God wants to know every human possibility. God wants to know what it's like to be itself
405
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:13,880
in a handicap like what I have. God wants to know what it's like to be itself unhappy.
406
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:18,760
God wants to know what it's like to be itself. Enjoy and bliss as the human experience. I think we
407
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:28,520
are all that consciousness getting to understand itself when you stop thinking in the old ways of,
408
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:33,880
oh, well, why would God want pain in the world? Well, we are in the closeness of the divine.
409
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:38,920
And that pain is an opportunity for us to move closer to the divine, to choose, to make that
410
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:44,200
choice. We have free will. Thank you. We're jumping back on the track now. Okay. Okay.
411
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:50,440
You were talking, well, about the beautiful colors, about the amazing feeling of joy that is
412
00:39:50,440 --> 00:40:00,840
inexplicable and how the form of you was either the same or similar to your form now in this life.
413
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:06,120
Okay. Keep going with your experience. So I'm on the other side and I'm, I start to get very
414
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:11,160
curious of like, well, where is everybody? Because I had this idea that when you die,
415
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:16,440
my dead dog was going to be there. My great-grandmother and, you know, my ancestors or people that were
416
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:22,440
part of my family were going to greet me and bring me through the pearly gates. And so there was
417
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:28,520
nobody there. Where were they? Where were they? Exactly. Not disappointing. Well,
418
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:35,160
so this is part of the learning that I took away from this experience too, was that, and I wasn't
419
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:40,600
upset that they weren't there. It was just pure curiosity. There wasn't a judgment about it. It
420
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:44,120
was just, oh, where is everybody? I thought they were, I thought I was going to get to see my dead
421
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:51,640
dog. I really want to see my dead dog. And so I'm on the other side. I'm exploring this space.
422
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:56,920
And in this space, I'm aware that again, like I said, it's, it's a defined space, but there's
423
00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:01,800
really no ceiling. I feel like I'm standing on something, but I look down and there's really
424
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:08,840
no floor. There's just frequency and vibration and energy. I'm so curious about this space. I'm
425
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:15,480
moving about it. I'm curious where everybody is. I have no idea how long in there it felt like a long
426
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:23,720
time. And not in a negative way, just it felt like time had really gone by in that place. And then
427
00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:29,880
suddenly I turned around and there is this man standing in front of me. And the moment I turn
428
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:33,720
around, so that's an interesting thing because I have consciousness where I could turn around.
429
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:40,840
Like I'm viewing this space in a way like in humans still. I'm viewing this space, my eyes are in
430
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:46,520
front of me. I'm taking everything in and I have to turn to see that, oh, there's somebody else here.
431
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:52,120
So I turned to see that there's somebody else here. When I do, I feel like my breath,
432
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:59,000
which I don't know how that works, but I feel like my breath is taken out of me. My chest is
433
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:08,840
splitting open and there's this ecstatic experience of recognition of I love love. It's an ecstatic.
434
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:16,360
I used to read a lot about medieval nuns talking about their marriage to Christ. And they would
435
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:23,000
talk about this heart-wrenching, chest-breaking, painful experience of their chest splitting
436
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:30,280
open. And I'm like, oh my God, that's what they're talking about. I literally felt this love that
437
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:36,280
was just being ripped through me. And at the same time, my mind is saying, who the hell is this?
438
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:43,160
I don't know who this guy person is. He looks, he's an Asian man. He looks like Lao Tzu or
439
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:51,960
Fu Man Tzu, like this traditional Chinese British man. I go back to the phrase too, the understanding
440
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:58,360
of maybe Hong Kong in 1880 or something like that. He's like, he's wearing a tweed suit,
441
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:04,360
but again, he's all aggrieved. I can see through him, yet there's texture and there's color to
442
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:11,160
the fabric. And I remember being so curious about the weave of the fabric and seeing the depth of
443
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:17,960
the fabric and the weave itself in the fabric. Anyway, all this is happening at the same time.
444
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:25,240
My heart, my chest is being ripped open. My heart is just reaching out. There's this ecstatic love.
445
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:32,680
There's this curiosity, who the hell is this? Who the heck is this guy? And the same consciousness
446
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:40,360
of, is God Asian? What's going on? And he has like the must-ask, the Fu Man Tzu, must-ask,
447
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:49,800
the long wispy beard, tweed suit. And he says to me, what are you doing here? And I just kind of
448
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:57,720
look at him and the conversation goes along the lines of why I feel this love. I feel the love
449
00:43:57,720 --> 00:44:07,000
coming back to me. It's a receiving that's happening as well. My body is literally like vibrating
450
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:13,960
with the body that I'm the energetic body that I'm in. And she's saying, what are you doing here?
451
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:22,600
And I'm confused. I'm like, well, I'm dead. I'm very clear that I'm back there. And this is where
452
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:30,280
I'm supposed to be. I'm dead. And he says, you're not supposed to be here. And with that, with that
453
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:37,880
being told, I'm not supposed to be here. All of my, I want to call it human, my anger that I said I
454
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:46,520
was feeling before I died from my parents, right? All of that anger, the feeling of being rejected,
455
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:51,240
feeling of being unwanted, which is my Billy Elliot story, that story of not fitting in.
456
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:59,960
All of that comes back to me. He says, you're not supposed to be here. It's not time. And then,
457
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:09,240
literally snap, I'm back hovering over the accident. I'm no longer on the other side. I'm not in my body.
458
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:18,520
I am watching the paramedics as they come and get. And I literally said, my last word in heaven or
459
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:25,080
whatever this place is called, my last words, like I said earlier to that doctor, who were as you,
460
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:36,120
who, who, those are my last words. And that anger is what brought me down. So I told God or whoever
461
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:45,080
this was to F off. And with that, I was back watching the paramedics as their truck parked,
462
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:51,400
as they got out of the truck, I saw them open in the back doors. I saw them take out the gurney.
463
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:57,160
I saw each of them doing the job that they were doing. One was, I remember one was African American,
464
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:03,000
one was Latino, African American guys pulling out the gurney, the other Latin guys pulling out the
465
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:08,920
journey gurney, the African American guys on top of me, check, I'm guessing checking my pulse, his
466
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:15,240
face is super close to mine. He I assume he's trying to feel if there's a breath or see if
467
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:22,280
there's any movement or anything like that. And then it a split second again, I'm in my body.
468
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:30,520
I open my eyes. He like tigger, like a cat, how jumps like all these body in one movement,
469
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:36,920
just jumps up and this is a big man, just boom, he's up in the air. I must have scared crap out.
470
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:44,040
I told him to take me to the hospital that my insurance card was in my back pocket. And then
471
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:51,480
I was back out of my body. I did not want to be in that but I did not want to be there. I did not
472
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:58,200
want to be alive in human form again. Did not want that at all. I watched them put my God body
473
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:03,800
on the gurney. I watched them put me in the truck, close the doors, go around to the front of the
474
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:09,240
truck, get in and drive away. And I said to myself, I am not going there.
475
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,720
But you weren't back in that beautiful place either, were you?
476
00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:23,320
No. No. And this is where I have no idea my curiosity. I started to think, oh, again,
477
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:30,120
I'm not in that sense of pain. I'm still curious because like I was before I went to the other
478
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:35,240
side, I was still in that detached kind of, oh, I'm looking at my body. My body's down there.
479
00:47:35,240 --> 00:47:41,800
That must really hurt. I'm in that state and I'm saying to myself, I guess this is how ghosts
480
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:50,040
start me because I don't want to go back in that. So if my body then dies and I'm not on the other
481
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:59,560
side, maybe I'm a ghost. So how did you change your mind? Well, I didn't. So my next conscious memory
482
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:07,080
is I'm back in my body. I open my eyes. I see the white of the stuff, the drop ceiling.
483
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:17,800
And I'm so disappointed. And I know I'm in the hospital. I started to cry. I don't want to be
484
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:24,600
there. Explain all the emotions that you were crying over. The disappointments.
485
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:30,120
You know, it's like ripping a kid out of the candy shop when they really, really want candy.
486
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:39,880
Frustration. Frustration, sadness, anger. Ooh, that anger, the blame. Well, this happened because
487
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:43,960
of my parents. They would have just let me go to that party. This wouldn't happen. This happened
488
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:52,840
by the blame of why would God kick me out? Why would I not be accepted in heaven? I'm not accepted
489
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:59,080
anywhere now. That's when I was being told by culture society. I didn't fit in. I wasn't okay
490
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:07,080
for me to be me. I was angry at the withdrawal of what felt like a withdrawal of love. And that
491
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:16,680
shattered my heart. That sadness, it affected me for decades. That experience took me a lot of healing
492
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:24,520
work to actually put the pieces of my heart back together in that moment, from that moment.
493
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:31,960
Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Let me just interject for those that are keeping score. I
494
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:38,120
promised we were going to hear something different today. And Fumanchu in a tweed suit, that just
495
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:47,160
might be the title of this podcast. There we go. That's you, God. Why do you think that the being
496
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:54,520
that you saw, and if you think it's God's say so, or some other kind of being, why do you think that's
497
00:49:54,520 --> 00:50:03,560
how that being appeared to you? I thought about that a lot. And my understanding of God from these
498
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:11,000
experiences, from my learning and growing and curiosity of this world that we live in, my
499
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:18,120
understanding of God is God is everything. Father, mother, pachamama, whatever you want to call it,
500
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:25,880
you can't escape God. So we are, it's the forest through the trees. People say, well, where's God?
501
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:33,400
God's right there. God is that divine spark that lives deep within you. God is that joy. God is
502
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:38,200
literally the breath that you breathe. Even science is talking about a holographic universe or the
503
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:45,560
universe that is breath. We are breathing in God every day, every time you take a breath,
504
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:54,360
you are one, you are connected. God is breath itself. This person on the other side, this God,
505
00:50:54,920 --> 00:51:02,120
part of God, I again, I had my whole life, I have had a connection to Asian culture.
506
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:10,200
The only thing I've ever collected was these deities that you card, you ask at craftsmen,
507
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:14,680
you card for you, and you put it on the altar and the deity might be a scholar,
508
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:20,760
might be an angel, might be a guardian, whatever it is. And then you ask the deity, it's like a
509
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:28,680
Saint Michael's crystal or a metal, you ask it to bestow its gifts upon you, whether it's protection
510
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:34,120
or guardianship or guidance or knowledge or whatever it is. That's the only thing I've ever
511
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:42,040
collected. I've always been on to that. Maybe that was a propensity of the past life. Maybe it's a
512
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:49,640
previous life experience. Maybe that was my guardian angel. And my guardian angel is in that form.
513
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:58,440
I have never been able to figure it out. I know that that experience, that cursing, let's say,
514
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:07,240
was a representation of the divine. I don't think it's any different though from your being a
515
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:15,560
representation of a divine. And on that other side, all of our human pettiness, all of that ego
516
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:23,160
stuff goes away. And the divine could take any form at once. It is, we are the divine understanding
517
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:30,760
itself in the many, many millions, billions and trillions of ways that it can. So my question
518
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:38,840
I always come back to myself is, well, why couldn't God be through that issue? I don't know. Yeah,
519
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:46,040
I don't either. You've obviously spent a lot of years thinking deeply about all of these things.
520
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:53,560
How has this experience changed your life? And from a 17-year-old, maybe changed the whole
521
00:52:53,560 --> 00:53:00,440
path that you were on besides just the dance issue? And did it end your dance career? It did.
522
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:06,280
It ended my dance career. I could, I never could go back to my body just cannot handle that type
523
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:12,280
of movement. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. So besides the physical things, how did it change you?
524
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:18,840
Well, first, there's a deep gratitude that I could even walk. And to this day, I'm in my 50s
525
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:24,840
that I could still walk because back then I was told I wouldn't be able to. So the fact that I,
526
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:32,360
you know, within a year of my accident, I was already walking and I was attempting to take dance
527
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:38,920
classes, just the fact that I could be in a class. I couldn't, I couldn't succeed in it anymore. But
528
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:46,040
the fact that I could like walk down and do a pot of meringue, you know, something that that in
529
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:53,240
itself is just an incredible gift and a blessing right there. Now I look back and I am grateful
530
00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:59,640
for my murder because I think that what was the car behind me, I think it was done purposefully.
531
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:06,920
There were a lot of people in the Bay Area. My feeling from that very moment was that it was
532
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:13,080
done on purpose. And there's a part of me that even says, I think I know, like there's a feeling
533
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:19,240
that I know who did it, but I've never consciously been able to pinpoint who that was. And I don't
534
00:54:19,240 --> 00:54:24,840
need to. And I really don't do anymore. No, there's probably nothing positive to come of that. But
535
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:32,040
why do you think, why do you think someone tried to murder you? I don't, I, I, there's a perception
536
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:38,200
when I look, when I can look into the rear view mirror. So I'm on a bike, right? And there's two
537
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:44,680
mirrors coming up on the side that let me see behind me. And there's this idea that I can see
538
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:51,480
the person that's in that mirror that I recognize who that is. Maybe it was just somebody who was
539
00:54:51,480 --> 00:55:00,440
angry. Maybe it was somebody who needed gay people and wanted to remove us from the earth.
540
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:06,840
I have no idea. I mean, I've had guns pointed at me, knives pointed at me. I've had groups of people,
541
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:11,800
you know, surround me and tell me horrible things. I had employers fight, fire me. I've had, you know,
542
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:16,440
put people put knives up to my face. I've had all kinds of stuff. People I don't even know
543
00:55:17,240 --> 00:55:24,760
who don't like me. And they tell me they don't like me because I'm gay. And I'm not one of those
544
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:29,880
people that can hide it. I know a lot of people say, well, you can hide it. You don't have to be
545
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:36,920
that way. Well, no, I have a peak neon triangle up my head that everybody sees. So it's, it's there.
546
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:42,360
It's all me. It's there. Paint neon triangle. Yeah, it's like classy. You know, it's like
547
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:48,760
classy. He's like above my head. Yeah. You know, I can't find who I am. And I know there's some
548
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:55,080
people who can't, you know, but for me, I've never been that person that could really do that.
549
00:55:55,080 --> 00:56:01,640
Well, unfortunately, I think in this earth existence, we're not going to come to a point
550
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:07,240
anytime soon where everybody has the kind of love that they need to for everybody. Yeah, we could
551
00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:14,040
just keep loving everybody and making those choices. And that's one of my, one of my takeaways.
552
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:19,240
I from my death experience, one of my takeaways is that accidents are real. A lot of people say,
553
00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:24,040
oh, there's no such thing as accidents. You know, everything's meant to happen. You know, maybe.
554
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:31,320
And I certainly can't prove it. I think that as a, as a species, as, as evolutionary beings,
555
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:38,280
we are all going in the singular direction that how we get there, we bump into each other.
556
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:43,320
And we have free will. And if you're going to have free will, then you have to make wrong
557
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:49,480
for accidents. There are, we make mistakes. We go down wrong paths. We make choices that are
558
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:57,480
out of alignment with the love of the divine and accidents happen. And so I truly believe in accidents.
559
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:02,760
I don't think they're bad things. I believe we all get back on course, right? Like that tunnel,
560
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:09,480
we were going in a direction, right? Now, how we get there, well, accidents can happen.
561
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:14,040
I believe that too. I don't think everything is predestined for us.
562
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:15,080
I don't either.
563
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:20,440
I don't either. It just doesn't make sense to me. So how else did this experience change the
564
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:25,640
trajectory of your life? Oh, it recreated my entire life. Because as a, as a kid,
565
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:29,960
I started as an actor around eight years old. And that was how I, that was my vision,
566
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:36,520
my perception of myself. It took me a while. I struggled with chronic, chronic pain. I had
567
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:42,200
to learn how to walking and I have a mild and I, Friday's as my bronchitis, my white blood cells
568
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:46,520
were attacking my red blood cells, my hemoglobin was splitting at different times, shutting down
569
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:52,680
my organs. I severely dehydrated a few times to the point of if I hadn't gotten medical intervention,
570
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:58,600
I would have died. And those are those sort of what I like to say close to death experiences
571
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:07,640
that I went through. And I was lost. I felt like I had no purpose. I had no reason to be here. I had
572
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:16,200
been kicked out of the habit. And I've come to now be grateful and to either bless my, my murder.
573
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:22,680
I have come to be in a place of just never wanting to change that. If anybody gave me the
574
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:27,080
opportunity to go back in time and change that I wouldn't, you know, I got my master's degree,
575
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:35,080
I learned so much. I became a therapist. I helped thousands of people to heal. I taught around the
576
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:40,040
world. I, I consulted at Stanford University. I wrote a book that was published by Simon and
577
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:47,320
Schuster, like these gifts and especially the gift of being able to sit down with someone
578
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:58,280
and witness their pain on a deep level. I could not do that if it wasn't for the gift of that
579
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:04,760
near death experience. Why did you want to be on this podcast today? Because I love sharing that
580
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:11,800
message. I love sharing that message that death isn't something to be afraid of. It's something to
581
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:18,680
be embraced. I love sharing the message that you can't get this wrong. You can't get this wrong.
582
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:25,800
You are so loved. You already have fulfilled your purpose just by being here as an expression of the
583
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:31,960
divine. You mentioned the book. If people want to learn more about your experience and what you
584
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:37,800
learned from it, where should they look that up? Yeah. So I wrote this book. It's called
585
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:45,320
Convergence Healing. That says become my brand, how I put myself out. Convergence, C-O-N-V-E-R-G-E
586
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:51,240
and C-E, Convergence Healing, Healing Pain with Energetic Love. I wrote it really for my clients
587
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,800
and then Simon and Schuster got a mold of it. I didn't even try to sell it. They bought it and
588
00:59:55,800 --> 01:00:03,000
published it. It was just amazing. So they could find my book. I reported the audio version on
589
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:09,240
Audible. It's on Kindle. It's on Amazon. It's at Barnes & Noble. It can get it pretty much
590
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:13,880
everywhere. So I wrote that book. I have a new book coming out this September called Billy and
591
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:23,480
the Anxiety Monster, How to Love Your Anxiety and Heal. I get to share these experiences with people.
592
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:30,840
I get to live what I love. I get to work what I love and do what I love. And so I don't really work.
593
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:38,360
I just share these lessons and learnings and experiences and help other people and hold
594
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:44,200
their hand as they go through there. Sounds like a great life. Thanks for sharing. Any last thoughts?
595
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:55,080
Any last thoughts? I think that what this world needs more than anything is that joy, that bliss,
596
01:00:55,080 --> 01:01:03,000
that love. And as a therapist, a lot of people are suffering in the world. And there's a lot of
597
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:09,080
division. There's a lot of hatred. There's a lot of anger at ourselves and our own bodies. And I'm
598
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:15,880
hoping that people will look at their pain, not as something to medicate, not as something to cut
599
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:21,160
away or throw away or be embarrassed or ashamed of, but to look at their pain as a part of them
600
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:29,080
that's suffering. And what that part needs more than anything is not your anger or your frustration
601
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:37,640
that it's there. What it needs is your love. So for those who are listening, if there's a part of
602
01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:42,120
you that's suffering, whether it's a physical part in your body, whether it's a mental part in your
603
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:50,680
mind or spiritual part in your heart, I ask you to bring love to that part. Hold it, embrace it,
604
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:58,840
accept it. Give it the love that it needs in order to heal. Stop being a bully to it. Stop telling
605
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:06,200
it to go away. Stop medicating it and drugging it and wanting to cut it out. Do what you need to do.
606
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:13,320
Follow your own instincts, but bring love to the part that's suffering. If we actually choose to do
607
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:20,120
that in the world for ourselves, we contribute to what I think is the tipping point of bringing
608
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:27,240
more and more of that love of the divine into this life that we are living now.
609
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:36,280
Thanks, Peter. I enjoyed it. Thank you. I'm so glad to be here.
610
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:41,480
Thanks again for listening and remember to share this podcast. To be notified when the next episode
611
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:47,400
goes live, follow us on your podcasting app or click over to roundtripdeath.com and sign up for
612
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:53,400
our email newsletter. One last thing, we are continually trying to improve this podcast and
613
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:59,000
we value your feedback. If you have a comment about what you like or what we can do better
614
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:05,240
or a near-death experiencer that we should have on the show, send an email to Eric at roundtripdeath.com
615
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:11,800
and that's Eric with a C. Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life
616
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:25,400
and the next.
