Transcript
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From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
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They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
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And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
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physical body because I was somewhere else.
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The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
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anything else to be felt.
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I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
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I'm back home again.
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Incredibly safe and felt at home.
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Welcome, welcome everybody to Round Trip Death.
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And to our special guest today, Brie Lafferty.
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How are you, Brie?
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I am fantastic.
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Thank you so much for asking.
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It is fun to have a listener of the show on.
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Yeah, I was actually directed to the show through one of my followers and became a huge fan.
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The stories were just so powerful.
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So I'm really excited to be here.
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Well does it feel weird to be on that side of it with a camera in your face now?
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A little bit, yeah.
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Okay, a few people that I've met in person that had only heard me on the show, they're
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like, it is so weird hearing your voice come out of a real person here.
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Hopefully that's not the case for you.
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You know, I think I had a pretty good idea between listening to you on the podcast, our
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brief phone call, and seeing you today.
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So I'm not too shocked.
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Good.
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I would hate to be too scary.
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Hey, tell us a little bit about you.
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Who's Brie?
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Yeah, so after my interesting experiences, I became a death and spiritual doula, which
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I've been pursuing for a couple of years.
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And I am also now an award-winning author twice over, two out of my three books, and
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my third book is up for an award.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you.
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And where do you live?
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I'm on the western slope of Colorado.
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I've heard this term death doula for a while.
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I know what a birth doula is.
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Tell me a little bit about what a death doula does.
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Sure, the simple way is I'm a midwife, the afterlife.
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That rhymes, very good.
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Thank you.
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Birth doulas help transition life into the world.
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I help with the transition out of it as a death doula, and I help people birth into
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their authentic spiritual selves as a spiritual doula.
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So it's really just a non-medical, holistic support person helping with these most difficult
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transitions of our lives.
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Hey, we're going to get into your NDE in a second, but I'm just curious about this.
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So if anybody else isn't, skip ahead a couple of minutes, but to cure my curiosity, tell
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me how do you get into it, and how do you know how to help people?
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And have you had any interesting stories happen?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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So my background is actually an instruction, and after my near-death experience, I was
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really drawn to death and dying, and not necessarily in the romanticized way, but kind of in a
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jealous way, honestly.
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I really wanted to go back and get as close as I could to where I just come from.
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And I knew that I could help people in that difficult transition by being authentically
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excited for them.
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You know, I didn't have to share my story.
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I didn't have to, you know, explain myself at all.
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I just got to hold authentic energy for people transitioning.
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And sometimes that's really what they need, especially, you know, tons of stuff is going
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on medically.
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Families, you know, can have all sorts of different types of emotions.
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There's a lot going on.
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So just to be a stable, authentic, excited, happy person, I felt like I could bring a
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lot of value.
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I'm also young.
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I'm in my 30s, so I bring a new fresh face to kind of the death and dying industry.
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You know, a lot of people in hospice or other death do as, at least up until the last few
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years have been, you know, retired RNs, retired nurses.
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And to have young people really enter this field is really exciting.
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Really opens up the community for accepting talking about death and dying.
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It's a really scary subject for a lot of our, our society.
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So bringing this authentic, excited energy without being, you know, this morbid, gothic
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or older person has been really, really exciting.
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I started as a hospice volunteer and I did that for two years and had incredible stories,
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you know, tons of them.
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Then when I last corporate America, I found a thing called a death dola found out I could
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do so much more than I could as a volunteer in hospice and help people anywhere from couples
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my age into people in their 80s and 90s who are actively dying.
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Everything in between.
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How do people find you?
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Yeah.
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So a lot of people reach out to me through, I'm on social media, I've got a website.
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And we'll stick that in the show notes, but I just, I just meant in general, is it like
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does hospice recommend you or because if people haven't heard of a death dola, how do they
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even know to look for one?
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Yeah.
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So I do a lot of just education with content.
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So that is being active in the community.
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I give presentations on all sorts of things revolving around end of life challenges, advanced
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directives, all the cool, low cost, green alternative ways that you can later, your body when you're
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done with it.
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Okay, we're not getting into that human composting thing here today.
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Maybe some other time.
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So yeah, I just give a lot of presentations.
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It's a lot of networking.
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I've got a lot of experience as my role as a business, business development person and
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marketing professional in construction.
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So I utilize some of those skills to help me get the word out about what a death dola
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is.
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And then of course, social media is awesome.
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I do post in lives and events and stuff there as well.
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Okay.
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I'm sorry, I will admit I haven't seen those, but I will look them up.
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No, I can't wait.
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I know nurse Hadley who you've probably heard we had on about a year ago and a hospice nurse
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and she was awesome, had great stories.
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So last my last question before we get into your story, do you have one that you want
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to share with us of someone that you've helped her worked with?
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Yeah, probably the, the one that really hit me was one of my first, not really my patient,
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but I was assigned to her.
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She was in the memory ward and I saw her every week, her inner husband, her husband was always
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there and her husband was losing her.
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So with dementia, you lose them twice and it's really hard.
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And the amount of love he had for her was something just indescribable.
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And Puskas was great, you know, being a volunteer, they taught me all about death and dying,
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the process, you know, kind of what to, you might see, you know, with people passing some
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of the things they see and report and just some of the magic that happens.
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And of course, the hard parts, what the body looks like, what they go through.
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What I was not prepared for was what the family members go through.
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And her husband was so destroyed, it was getting really, really close to the end.
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I think this happened a few weeks before she transitioned completely and he was just devastated.
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And that really tore me up and I had no idea how much that would turn me up.
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But the beautiful thing that happened at the same time was I was a pet therapy team.
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So I had my little, she was my service dog and I got her certified as a therapy dog.
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So we went in and the people would always light up.
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They might not be able to communicate, but they would light up when they saw my dog.
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I wouldn't say it was me, it was mostly my dog.
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And you're not supposed to let the patients hold, you know, the dog by themselves or the
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leash and there's a lot of rules around it just to protect the patients and the dog.
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But this gal held on the leash.
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She really wanted to hold the leash of this, my little dog.
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And she fell asleep, blaspheming it so tight and just the list on her face and she just
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passed out in the communal room holding the leash to my dog.
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And it was such an interesting moment where I realized grief is not a cycle.
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It is a web because you don't go through one emotion then another, then another, then another.
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You can have two, three, all of them, none of them, all at the same time.
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So that was really, a really eye opening for me was this very positive negative experience
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at the same time.
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So is your job more to help the person that is in those final stages of life or to help
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the family or is it kind of equal?
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Yeah, as a death to Julia, I found myself helping way more family members than actually
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the people transitioning.
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I thought I would be doing what I did as a hospice volunteer and sitting with the people
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who are actively dying, but it has gone so in a such direct, different direction than
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I thought.
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And I would say 98% of my work is helping the family.
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All right, enough about that.
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Let's talk about you.
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You had a very different kind of experience.
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Seems like I say that all the time because no two are alike, but tell me what was going
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on with your health growing up.
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I know you were a sick little girl.
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Yeah, so I started experiencing really weird symptoms at the age of 10.
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So we had just moved, made a big move.
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I started middle school probably way too early.
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Fifth grade was in middle school or junior high and I was young for my grade.
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So I was kind of thrown into this big, big girl world in a small girl body.
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So there was a lot going on and the first couple of years, we kind of didn't pay much
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attention to these symptoms because they were odd and there was a lot going on and it could
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be growing pains.
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So the first thing that started happening was my forearms and my calves and my arches
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of my feet and my palms would cramp really bad.
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And you know, my parents are just like, oh, it's probably growing pains.
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You know, your dad's tall, maybe you'll be tall.
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And within the probably a year, if not a few months after that, I started getting involuntary
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muscle movements of my left arm.
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And I would do, it would do this like flutter thing and I'd have no control of it, but
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I have long hair.
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So I just pretended I was playing with my hair and kind of hit it.
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The cramping got so bad that I, I wrapped my arms and legs and east bandages and hit
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them under my clothes at school.
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But nothing of this was too much of a concern until I got to be about 14.
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And at the time I was 14, my muscle, I had voluntary muscle movements were now in both
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my arms and my legs.
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And I also added in where I would just shiver for like 20 minutes.
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And my grandma swore I was freezing and they tried to cover me up and I'm not, I'm not
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cold, they did not as allergic reaction, but I would just tremor so bad.
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The muscle cramping also started to affect my back and I started developing nerve pain.
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So all of these symptoms combined were starting to become a concern.
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I grew up in a medical family.
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My grandpa was a doctor and he had no idea what was going on.
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And so we've finally started to see some different doctors and the first one was on the right
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track, you know, and we dismissed, we dismissed him because he wanted to put me on a benzo
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at 14 or 15 years old.
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And when he suggested that my mom said, well, we don't even have a diagnosis.
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Let's, let's hold off, you know, she luckily knew how dangerous benzos could be, you know,
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any other parent with no medical knowledge might have agreed to that and, you know, looking
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back that could have been detrimental.
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But he wanted to put me on a benzo, benzo-depot diazepine.
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And when we went to schedule another appointment, they said he was leaving the office and his
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partner wasn't taking any of his patients.
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So he was willing to put a 14 or 15 year old on a benzo diazepine without a diagnosis
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and not following me.
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So we just ignored everything he said because how can you trust anything that came out of
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his mouth?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's scary.
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Yeah.
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So we went on, you know, another four year search for a diagnosis and answer.
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And it was the symptoms kept progressing.
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I was an extreme insomniac.
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I mean, one hour a night, if I was lucky, sometimes zero hours for two or three days.
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So extreme anxiety, extreme depression set in, OCD.
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I have weird things going on with my body.
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I am a teenager in puberty as a girl.
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I'm in a new place.
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And so all of these things just kind of really converged.
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And I was a wreck.
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So we just tried different medications.
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We tried holistic practices, alternative medicine, Chinese herbs.
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I mean, basically whatever my mom could get her hands on, we tried.
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And nothing really helped.
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I finally got a diagnosis at 18 and we thought with a diagnosis would come answers and it
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didn't.
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It did that being a very rare neurological movement disorder.
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And last I looked it up was last August in 2023 and still only one in a million people
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have this condition.
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Wow.
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What's it called?
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Bioclonus dystonia.
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Okay.
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There will not be a quiz at the end.
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Good.
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Nor a spelling beyond how to spell it.
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Well, it took me here to learn how to pronounce it.
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So.
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Suffice it to say very rare neurological disease going on.
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And something that rare they usually don't have.
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Hey, here's the pill you take for it.
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Yeah.
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00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:20,160
So, and by the time I was diagnosed, everything they would have tried me on even with the
237
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,080
diagnosis we had already tried.
238
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:28,240
You know, we tried stuff for the muscle cramps stuff for the non-epileptic myoclonic seizures,
239
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:34,680
the twitches, the tremors, the pain, the anxiety, the depression, you know, we tried
240
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,720
pharmaceuticals for all of it.
241
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,720
My mom and I wrote a book called Wired to Be Disfunctional, our journey with myoclonus
242
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,880
dystonia.
243
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:46,200
In the last 10 pages, it goes through every single medication I tried.
244
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,800
And that's 10 pages worth of different medications and their side effects.
245
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:51,800
Wow.
246
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:59,520
Well, we had also heard about a brain surgery that was possible, but it was shweringly experimental.
247
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:06,080
The neurologist that ended up diagnosing me said, no one in this clinic, a pretty well-known
248
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,640
clinic in Denver has seen anybody has any patients with this.
249
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:16,360
So we are not going to put a 18-year-old through experimental brain surgery, you know,
250
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,040
just do your best, basically.
251
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,600
So did they tell you this was going to be something lethal or something that you would
252
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,760
just bother you forever or what?
253
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:25,760
Yeah.
254
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,040
So there are lethal forms of myoclonus dystonia.
255
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,040
It's called progressive.
256
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,200
Oh my gosh, I don't know.
257
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,320
But there are lethal forms of it.
258
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:38,480
They did not think mine was, but they also said mine wasn't progressive.
259
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:44,480
And yet every year it progressed and progressed and progressed and progressed.
260
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:51,400
So, you know, at this point I had been misdiagnosed a bunch of times by the time I was 18 and
261
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:58,240
been put on so many medications that I reacted to and I just lost faith in the medical industry
262
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,960
and I didn't care what they said, whether they said it was lethal or not.
263
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,640
I was absolutely positive.
264
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,440
I was going to die before I returned 28.
265
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,360
I just knew it in my heart.
266
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:14,840
I told my mom that since starting at 14 or 15 as well that I was going to die.
267
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,640
I was going to die young and I was okay with it.
268
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,720
So I also faced my own mortality from a young age, which also led me into being a death
269
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,200
doula later on.
270
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,240
So let's jump up to from 18.
271
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:32,200
Is there much that happened between then and when you were 26?
272
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,600
If not, let's jump to that.
273
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,600
Yep.
274
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,920
I was just about two because it kind of stagged me.
275
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For the next six years, just me trying to do my best.
276
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,040
So kind of gave up on any treatment.
277
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,040
But my mom did.
278
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My mom never did.
279
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:57,360
And when I reached 26, I had actually moved to a whole other state because I figured I
280
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,800
was going to die and I would die there.
281
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And it was just that knowing.
282
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:08,840
But my mom, she, she found another treatment option that we tried and I ended up coming
283
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,320
on top of my illness already, which my body's fatigued.
284
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,320
It's hurting.
285
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,320
My soul hurts.
286
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:20,800
My mind hurts and prayed to God, screened to God as a teenager and no answers, no help.
287
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:28,280
So I was very broken at this point and I ended up getting flu, really flu like symptoms.
288
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,080
And they got so bad that I could not hold down water.
289
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,000
I can't hold down food.
290
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,400
I was really tired.
291
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,680
I was really sick.
292
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,440
But of course I had no trust in the medical community.
293
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:43,920
So I wasn't going to go see a doctor about it and tell them it's, you know, a holistic
294
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:44,920
alternative treatment.
295
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,280
They're just going to, you know, throw more labels at me.
296
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,400
So I figured I would deal with it.
297
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:57,360
This went on for two or three weeks and leading up to it, I couldn't sleep.
298
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,720
I was really, really sick.
299
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,480
I just was exhausted.
300
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:09,520
And on the night of April 27th, 2017 at two in the morning, I gave up.
301
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:13,080
I called out to whatever God there was.
302
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:19,120
I had no idea who it was, but I basically was thinking and calling out from my soul,
303
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:24,440
my heart, my mind, my body, absolutely everything.
304
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,280
I can't do this anymore.
305
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,680
It's in your hands.
306
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,600
If you're out there, it's up to you.
307
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,280
I am done.
308
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:37,400
And growing up, I was told, you know, surrender to God, but no one tells you what that means.
309
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,560
And that night I found out I surrendered.
310
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,560
I gave up.
311
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:42,560
My body gave up.
312
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,560
My soul gave up.
313
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,720
Everything gave up.
314
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,560
And in that moment, everything was ripped.
315
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,060
There were, there was silence.
316
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,240
There was peace.
317
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,240
There was no pain.
318
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,280
It was calm.
319
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,920
It was serenity.
320
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:02,040
The only time in my life, I remember it being that supreme.
321
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:06,240
And right after that, I heard this big booming voice.
322
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,640
Are you ready?
323
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,760
Something just happened.
324
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,160
I didn't hesitate to say yes.
325
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:16,800
And in that, I felt three really hard pounds on my chest and I felt my heart stop.
326
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,680
And I was detached from my body.
327
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,000
And that is the beginning of what is a profound experience.
328
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,640
Wow.
329
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,960
I just want to make sure we're clear in case somebody wasn't listening closely enough.
330
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,680
This is not suicide, right?
331
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:34,960
But it is.
332
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:35,960
I give up.
333
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,640
I can't do it any longer.
334
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:38,640
And I get it.
335
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,720
I mean, this has been the majority of your life.
336
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:41,720
Yeah.
337
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,280
And so you say you surrendered.
338
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,280
Okay.
339
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,480
I guess we'll have to figure out exactly what that means.
340
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,480
Yeah.
341
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:53,600
It's still hard to put words to it other than, I think, I think I could compare it to somebody
342
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:59,960
swimming in the ocean and, you know, being stuck and not seeing land anywhere near them.
343
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:00,960
They're exhausted.
344
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,640
They've been treading water in high waves.
345
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:04,640
It's cold.
346
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,640
They're tired.
347
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:11,200
They've been stranded for days, not weeks, however long someone can survive.
348
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,960
And when they give up knowing that giving up means they die, that's the closest I can
349
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,120
explain to that, is you just stop.
350
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,600
I think that's a good explanation.
351
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,080
Giving up is not suicide.
352
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,000
That's a different thing, but giving up.
353
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,240
All right.
354
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,800
So go back a step.
355
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,920
What were you feeling and what were you hearing?
356
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,240
You said you heard something.
357
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,240
Yeah.
358
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:43,720
So at the moment I gave up, the moment I stopped treading the water I call life, I felt peace,
359
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:52,840
extreme peace and serenity and stillness and no pain, no fear, no, just nothing negative.
360
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,480
And it was amazing.
361
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,760
It was almost as if heaven had entered the room.
362
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:05,080
And with that, the voice, a big, booming voice, and I, you know, it wasn't external.
363
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,080
It wasn't internal.
364
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,400
It was just ever present.
365
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,880
And I would say it sounded masculine.
366
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,920
Asked, are you ready?
367
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,880
Just those words, and I didn't hesitate to think about what that meant or what I was
368
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,880
ready for.
369
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:23,160
I just knew something had happened and I was absolutely ready for whatever was next.
370
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,160
Okay.
371
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,160
Keep going.
372
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,160
All right.
373
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,800
So as soon as I think yes, I feel those pounds of my heart and I'm detached from my body
374
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:37,880
and I am just energy in this black void.
375
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:42,360
I call it a void even though it was not void of anything.
376
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,000
It was everything.
377
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000
It was pure energy.
378
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:51,440
But it was, you know, it was dark, I didn't see any light, but it was, it felt as if you
379
00:22:51,440 --> 00:23:00,120
could walk into those old static TV stations and it was just warm and love and energy.
380
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:05,280
And in that, in that darkness, I understood the Creator to be there.
381
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:12,080
I understood God, the, the being that saved me from whatever was just going on, which
382
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,440
I was completely unaware of at this point.
383
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,080
I didn't, I wasn't aware of a person named Brie.
384
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,680
I wasn't aware of a place called earth.
385
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,760
I wasn't aware of a body.
386
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,200
And in this place, I had no body.
387
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:31,600
And even though I was completely unaware of the human concept and where I'd just come
388
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:37,560
from, some part of my conscious knew that I was dead.
389
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,880
And so I had that thought, am I dead?
390
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:46,880
And three months up here out of this darkness, just floating by, laughing at me.
391
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:52,120
And I, you know, not mean, just like, oh, I feel only knew.
392
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:53,880
And I just thought that was super curious.
393
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:58,500
I didn't put any judgment into it and they've disappeared back into the darkness.
394
00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:03,080
It would take me another six years to realize they were laughing because there is no such
395
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,960
thing as death.
396
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,880
So it was a funny question.
397
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:11,240
It was a funny thought because there is no such thing as death or dead.
398
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:18,840
And after they fade into back into the darkness, I end up in this tunnel and I am going like
399
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:24,680
supersonic hyper speed, warp speed, whatever, so fast.
400
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,720
And it's the outside is filled with ones and zeros.
401
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,000
And I'm still just a soul body at this point.
402
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:36,520
And I know I'm being downloaded with so much important and amazing information.
403
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,400
Not aware of what that information is.
404
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,960
Just I knew I would, it would come to me when I needed it.
405
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,240
And it was very cool.
406
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:52,000
It was kind of horizontal and just most theory old blue with ones and zeros tons of binary
407
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,800
code, which I could read binary code.
408
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,720
Maybe I could go back and figure out what, what everything was saying.
409
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:04,280
And after that, I end up in a white, white room.
410
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:09,040
It's not really a room because there's no walls or floors or doors or walls, any of
411
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,120
that, but if, you know, it's a space.
412
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:17,040
And behind me is a cantel, it's a send in master teacher.
413
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,040
And which one?
414
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,160
I have no idea.
415
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:24,960
I think it really depends on what your religious and cultural upbringing maybe is who you might
416
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:25,960
experience.
417
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:32,400
But for me, I would recognize someone like Jesus, just because I was raised in a Christian
418
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,400
household.
419
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,760
And in front of me is a pile of giant black numbers.
420
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,080
And they're all just kind of piled up and they're one through nine.
421
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:49,080
And I grab them and I throw them up with childlike enthusiasm and go, no, what are you love
422
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,000
creating these?
423
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,960
Because I realized the universe was created with math.
424
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,760
And for some reason I thought that was really exciting at that moment.
425
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:03,280
Yeah, that's kind of different because some people wouldn't be excited at that.
426
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,400
They'd go, oh, mass.
427
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,600
I never liked mass.
428
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:07,600
Yeah.
429
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:12,560
I mean, I enjoyed that, but I never, you know, was super gun hoe.
430
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,320
It wasn't my career.
431
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,000
It was nothing like, you know, I wasn't a math nerd.
432
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:22,480
I didn't join, gosh, there's tons of math clubs, you know, so for math and binary code
433
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:28,920
and numbers to show up a few times through my experience is still kind of funny to me,
434
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:35,200
especially because in the process of this disorder, along with some other brain injuries
435
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,960
I've had along the way, I developed a satia for numbers.
436
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,880
So I find that really ironic and hilarious.
437
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,880
That really is.
438
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:44,880
Yeah.
439
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,200
That's, I don't know how to explain that, but that's okay.
440
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:56,800
So after this excitement with the numbers, I end up in another place and this place is
441
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:03,240
full of other beings and it's the right white area was the first time I had a human body
442
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,000
and the only time in my experience I had a human like body.
443
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:13,960
So going into the next part of my experience, there are other beings and these beings looked
444
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,480
more like dolls than anything.
445
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:21,360
And I call them beings because I have no, I still didn't know what a human was.
446
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:24,960
So if they ever had a human experience, I don't know.
447
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,600
They didn't look human, but they didn't look alien.
448
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:33,120
We all just kind of had these fluid bodies and they look like dolls.
449
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:36,200
I looked like a doll for a little while as well.
450
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,320
Then I also was a robot for a little while.
451
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:46,800
I was a snowman for a little while, but the big part of this experience was my thoughts
452
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,400
turned into reality instantly.
453
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:56,440
So I saw these guys sliding down snow covered trees and I thought it looked like so much
454
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,560
fun, but I didn't think I liked snow.
455
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,840
And before my eyes instantly, as soon as I thought that it turned to these lush green
456
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,880
covered trees and I was sliding down them with these other beings.
457
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:14,840
And I thought, wow, if I don't like snow, but they do, what if they are experiencing
458
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:19,400
sliding down the snow trees and I'm sliding down the green trees and we're having these
459
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:23,080
experiences that are separate, but we're experiencing them together.
460
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:29,320
And I thought that was just really cool, but not that crazy where I say that here on earth.
461
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:33,800
And it's like, that's kind of a mind blow.
462
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:38,400
But there it was just another like, oh, cool, that they might be experiencing different
463
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,000
realities that were experiencing together.
464
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,120
Another part was when I was a snowman, these beings were working on a machine with a huge
465
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,720
flame at the end of it.
466
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:51,600
And I just had the thought happens if I get too close.
467
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:57,720
Sure enough, I was instantly underneath the flame, melted and a puddle of eyeballs.
468
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,840
Then I had the thought, where can you put me back together instantly?
469
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,880
I was put back together.
470
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:08,840
So my thoughts were instant reality.
471
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:14,960
And I am now so thankful that we have the opportunity to change our thought direction
472
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,480
here on earth, because I thought still create reality.
473
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,400
But thank goodness we have the chance to change it.
474
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,640
Because if you go, oh, I see a tractor across the street, I wonder what would happen if I
475
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,000
got run over.
476
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:32,560
You would be there and run over and it would be a lot of pain where in my experience there's
477
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,720
no pain, there's no fear.
478
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:38,440
But here you could be like, I wonder, I see that tractor, I wonder what would happen if
479
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:39,440
I get run over.
480
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,080
Oh, why don't I just not go stand in front of the tractor?
481
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,600
You have that chance to.
482
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,600
Yeah, you have the time to fix those thoughts.
483
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,600
You absolutely have time to fix that.
484
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:58,480
So another big part of this experience is I would say it's really hard to describe.
485
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,000
We communicated as one, but no words were ever said.
486
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,240
And people ask me if it was telepathy, but telepathy, you have a thought.
487
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,400
Everyone receives that thought or hears it, thinks about it and returns it and you hear
488
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,760
it all silently.
489
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:18,840
And it was so much faster and even less communication than that.
490
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,520
It was just we moved as one.
491
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,960
At one point we danced like there was 20 of us and we danced as if we had choreographed
492
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,280
for millennia without ever saying a word.
493
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,040
We just all moved in one and unison.
494
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:35,720
And those beings who put me back together, I didn't try to send my thought to anyone
495
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:37,960
to ask for help.
496
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,840
It just, they knew.
497
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:45,200
So that was really an interesting phenomenon in that area.
498
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:50,360
And towards the end of that place I was at, there was a barbed wire fence and there was
499
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:56,040
an opening and some of the beings were going through the opening to on a land bridge behind
500
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:57,040
it.
501
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:02,880
And here we could see behind barbed wire very clearly, but it was very fuzzy and blurry behind
502
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,680
the fence in this experience.
503
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,880
And I was never asked if I wanted to go with them.
504
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,040
I didn't really have a choice.
505
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,120
I just knew that I couldn't go with them.
506
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,440
I didn't know what lied beyond, but I just knew I couldn't go with them.
507
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:23,080
And so I ended up in the last kind of place in my experience and it's a dark room.
508
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,840
And this one actually feels like a room.
509
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:31,440
Like it feels small and there are seven like very powerful beings behind me.
510
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:38,240
I don't see them, but I know they're powerful, like not as great as the creator that I met
511
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:42,800
in the void and more powerful than the ascended master teacher.
512
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:49,560
So somewhere in between, then in front of me is the scroll and it's unrolled and things
513
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,680
are starting to be written on it.
514
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,760
Beautiful, sparkly golden script.
515
00:31:54,760 --> 00:32:00,480
And for some reason that's when my soul decided, oh, you're going to remember you're a human
516
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,960
and your human ego is going to come back and it did and said, huh, you're showing this
517
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:10,320
to a human and the letters disappeared, the scroll rolled up and that was the moment I
518
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,160
snapped back into my body.
519
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,160
Okay.
520
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,520
Well, that's a lot to unpack, isn't it?
521
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,760
I can tell some important things that you learned and we'll get into that here in a
522
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:19,960
little while.
523
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,000
My first question is, let's talk about the word void.
524
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,000
Yeah.
525
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:29,480
It comes up all the time and I've never been that comfortable with it and you said something
526
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:37,360
about it today that made sense that it wasn't devoid of everything.
527
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:38,360
Explain that again.
528
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,120
What was it like there?
529
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:41,120
Yeah.
530
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:45,240
So, so it absolutely was not devoid of anything.
531
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,800
It was absolutely everything.
532
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,560
It was everything in energy.
533
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:58,720
So if you take the highest form of energy and you are just in that presence, the center
534
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:05,480
of creation, all the energy possible in all the universes, all the dimensions and put it
535
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,760
in a space and you're in that space.
536
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:13,720
It is pure energy and it's like as if you walked into an old TV that had that static
537
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,520
on the channel that was just really fuzzy.
538
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,000
That's how it felt.
539
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,000
That's interesting.
540
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:24,160
You know, most people that talk about it, they don't, they don't talk about the energy
541
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,120
of it, but they also don't talk about it being completely empty.
542
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:34,120
The fact that it might be black, I don't know, why do we, just because it's dark, for some
543
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:40,560
reason we call it a void or something more, you know, it has this mysterious kind of aura
544
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,880
to it and I don't think it needs to.
545
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,760
If it has all this energy like you're talking about, it's not scary.
546
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:55,360
It's not devoid of everything except maybe light at that particular time, which also
547
00:33:55,360 --> 00:34:02,680
means when you go to the next thing like you did in a lot of other people do, well, imagine
548
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:10,400
this at nighttime, when you turn on a really bright light, it seems a lot brighter than
549
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,520
it would have if you turned it on during the day, right?
550
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,480
Maybe that's what this void is for in some circumstances.
551
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,760
So we really get it when the light comes.
552
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,920
It is a big impact.
553
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,400
Yeah, I think that's a great idea.
554
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:31,360
I also heard, I wish I could remember his name, he presented at the IONS conference
555
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:38,080
last year about some different aspects of seeing the light in the near-death experiences
556
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:45,440
and he, I don't know if it was his idea or he found it somewhere, but when light is so
557
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,200
bright, it can collapse on itself.
558
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:53,120
And so I often wonder, you know, looking back in my experience, if there was just so much
559
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,680
light and it was so bright, it collapsed in on itself.
560
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,200
Okay, that's blown my mind too.
561
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,800
I'll think about that later.
562
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:02,800
Awesome.
563
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:09,160
Okay, when we spoke before, you'd mentioned a bunch of different dimensions.
564
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:13,800
Is that something that you explained going from one place to another to another, or is
565
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,240
that something else that you left out today?
566
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:21,080
Yeah, so I didn't, that is the different places I went to.
567
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,080
Okay.
568
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:27,880
So, you them as different dimensions, just it makes the most sense in my mind, instead
569
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:33,440
of being one place that are so drastically different, I believe they were five different
570
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,160
dimensions.
571
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:41,480
And did this seem like it was, it took place over a long period of time to you?
572
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,480
How long would you say?
573
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:50,120
So, in the experience itself, I didn't feel any sense of time at all in any of the dimensions.
574
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:56,560
It just really wasn't a concept, to get from here to there, there was no time, there wasn't
575
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,200
that concept.
576
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:04,800
However, when I was back into my body, I was terrified to open my eyes.
577
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,880
I was absolutely certain.
578
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:14,160
Once again, I didn't know what happened, but somehow my conscious knew that I had died.
579
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,760
And so, when I was back in my body and back in the physical, I was positive that if I
580
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:24,760
opened my eyes, I'd be buried in a casket, coffin, whatever, six feet underground.
581
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:30,120
And that my parents had ignored my wishes to be cremated because they were so distraught
582
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,360
that I had died young and they don't want to cremate me.
583
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:37,280
And it was this full crazy thing going on in my head, but I was terrified to open my
584
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:42,480
eyes because I thought it'd been at least a month, if not two.
585
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,280
And how long was it, do you know?
586
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:49,840
When I finally got brave and opened my eyes, it had only been eight minutes.
587
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:54,280
So then, thinking that there was no way it was only eight minutes, I was trying to figure
588
00:36:54,280 --> 00:37:00,960
out if I had the day wrong, what day it was, was it the same rough time, like was it eight
589
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,960
minutes and 24 hours, eight minutes and 48 hours?
590
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:10,080
I was trying really hard to place because I had been gone from my body for so long,
591
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:11,080
it felt.
592
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,440
I get it.
593
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,320
Like that eight minutes was maybe a day and eight minutes or?
594
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:16,320
Yeah.
595
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:17,320
Yeah.
596
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,800
When I opened, I didn't believe the clock, basically, and it believed what I was seeing.
597
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:26,720
You mentioned that you had felt extreme peace and serenity, I think were your words.
598
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:27,720
Yes.
599
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:28,960
Explain that more.
600
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:37,440
So I think that comes from, you know, the 16 years leading up to that, my body was tormented.
601
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:42,960
You know, I constantly had different pains through muscle cramping, nerve pain, twitching,
602
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:49,440
hitting myself, hitting others involuntarily, then the mental anguish of it, you know, and
603
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:55,400
the emotional toll it took, the anxiety, the OCD, my mind was never silent.
604
00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:02,000
It was always chatter and this and that and what ifs and ruminations.
605
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:08,840
I mean, the list really goes on and on and on and I don't remember the time where it
606
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,720
was quiet and pain free.
607
00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:15,440
Even before I was 10, I was always so tired.
608
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,440
I can keep up with my friends.
609
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:22,120
I didn't do well in sports, even though I look like I would do awesome in sports.
610
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:26,920
And I just, I didn't understand how my friends could play all day and jump on the trampoline
611
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,440
and ride their bikes and rollerblane and keep going and run up and down the hill and slide
612
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,280
and it was so exhausting.
613
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:41,680
So I never knew what pain free or quiet mind was like.
614
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:47,160
And I tried mindfulness meditation, but mindfulness, you really, you know, it's full mind, it's
615
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,000
full senses.
616
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:55,360
And when I felt that peace and serenity, it was absolutely something extremely foreign
617
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:56,360
to me.
618
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,280
My body felt peace.
619
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:04,720
It felt calm, painless and my mind was silent for the first time in my whole life.
620
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,720
That must have been wonderful.
621
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:11,480
When you came back, did everything come back at once or were you still feeling much of
622
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:12,480
that peace?
623
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:16,680
Before I opened my eyes, I was, I was still in a lot of that peace.
624
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,880
I was still in a lot of that serenity, but then it started coming back very, very quickly.
625
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,360
And I started freaking out.
626
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:28,160
I started trying to slow my breath, meditating, begging to go back.
627
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,160
I did not want to be in my body again.
628
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:38,640
So at first, the first instance, like second I got back, it was still peace and serenity,
629
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,880
but very, very quickly the human took over.
630
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,760
It must have been frustrating.
631
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:44,760
Oh, yeah.
632
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:50,880
I mean, I was, I was trying to everything I possibly could to go back.
633
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,320
It's been what seven years now since that happened.
634
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:54,320
Yeah.
635
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,040
My seventh year anniversary just passed.
636
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,120
Well, you seem totally healthy now.
637
00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:59,400
What has happened?
638
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:04,720
The after effects of this were also very, very crazy.
639
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:08,360
I was in kind of a whole new state of survival.
640
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,880
I was so overwhelmed.
641
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,280
I had come back with medical intuition blown wide open.
642
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,240
I could feel people's pain.
643
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,240
I could hear people's thoughts.
644
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:21,800
I mean, if I drove past a car accident, I could tell you exactly where they were injured
645
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,920
because I felt it and I could hear what people were thinking.
646
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,360
And it was so overwhelming.
647
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:32,080
I also felt like I'd been stuffed into a sausage casing.
648
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:38,000
Like I just felt so constricted and uncomfortable and walls freaked me out.
649
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:43,400
I didn't, I didn't understand the solidity of things and the density and the hatred of
650
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,400
the world.
651
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:52,240
I mean, I had gone from, you know, fear and anger and hate to blitz and love and curiosity
652
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:56,360
and joy back to fear and anger and hate.
653
00:40:56,360 --> 00:41:02,400
And so I was in a whole new state of survival and that in the next year, I actually, I was
654
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,080
so such a wreck.
655
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,560
I did actually try to take my life.
656
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:12,120
So you know, my near death experience had nothing to do with suicide, but I'm, you know,
657
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:17,160
being transparent and I tried to go back to that place when it didn't work that night,
658
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:18,560
just breathing and wishing.
659
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:23,960
I took drastic measures and ended up in a four day coma because of it.
660
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,000
I was not expected to live and I did not get a taste.
661
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:34,400
I did not have another NDE and I was so mad when I woke up from that coma.
662
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,880
I was absolutely livid.
663
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,640
But I realized, okay, well, this has to be for a reason.
664
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,320
I must, I guess I've got to be here.
665
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:43,880
I don't know why.
666
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,600
And so I did physical therapy.
667
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,040
I had some pretty severe brain damage.
668
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:49,400
So I worked really hard.
669
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:55,800
And once I was good and I was functional functioning again as a human being, I jumped into hospice
670
00:41:55,800 --> 00:42:03,160
and that really started to help me heal from the experience and kind of everything leading
671
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,160
up to the experience and the aftermath of that.
672
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,280
So hospice was really healing for me.
673
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:15,760
And then this time I didn't realize I didn't have any symptoms of myoconus dystonia.
674
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:21,880
Exactly because I was just in such a state of survival, I wasn't aware.
675
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:29,920
And by the time I had realized that I didn't have symptoms, I finally was starting to talk
676
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,120
about it and get excited.
677
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:36,400
But at this point, I had gone back to my career in construction.
678
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:42,280
I was working 40 to 60 hours a week, was volunteering, just going hard.
679
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,520
My old thoughts were coming.
680
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,240
I have reintegrated into life like I thought I was supposed to do.
681
00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:50,760
I had no idea what else I was supposed to do with it.
682
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,080
So the illness came back.
683
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,160
So I was like, okay, I went into remission for whatever reason.
684
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:58,760
Let's deal with it.
685
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:06,600
And so the illness came back with a vengeance and I ended up having to leave corporate America.
686
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:11,720
I did get that brain surgery finally because I had lost all of my dependence.
687
00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:17,800
I was no longer able to walk very well, type, text, button up my clothes, put on eyeliner,
688
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,800
put on earrings.
689
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:25,160
I mean, my tremors were so bad, I couldn't hold a glass, I couldn't text or type anything,
690
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,840
I couldn't work.
691
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,520
So I was fast tracked to brain surgery.
692
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,760
And it was pretty successful.
693
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:36,720
However, I had the warning that what they had learned in those years from me being 18 to
694
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:44,360
30 is that myoclonal stestonia is a cunning illness and it loves to learn around the brain
695
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:45,720
surgery.
696
00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:50,480
And so I had relief or pretty good relief for about a year.
697
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,640
And it started rewiring around it and coming back.
698
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:59,760
And kind of hopeless, not hopeless yet.
699
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,960
There are still some programming we could do.
700
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,400
I had a deep brain stimulator in.
701
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:09,400
But I finally had a good healthcare team that took me seriously, knew what they're doing,
702
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,520
had seen and worked with this condition.
703
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:18,720
And I figured, okay, you know, I finally have somebody I can trust with my body.
704
00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:22,600
It's time to work on my subconscious.
705
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,880
You know, I had a lot of subconscious programs written out of survival that I didn't need
706
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,840
or want anymore.
707
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:30,680
And I did that.
708
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:38,400
And in that, I ended up in a meditation, a transcendental meditation where I got back
709
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,360
into that void, that darkness that.
710
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,840
The good void.
711
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,360
Yeah, the good.
712
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,280
I had a client call it a friendly darkness.
713
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,960
And I love it so much.
714
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,400
You know, it's the realm of endless possibilities.
715
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:56,720
And as I'm in this place, I see my heart and my brain appear out of the darkness, much
716
00:44:56,720 --> 00:45:03,200
like the monks did, and a piece of code from my tunnel come circulate within my heart and
717
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:04,200
my brain.
718
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,720
I knew it was rewiring my brain.
719
00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:12,240
And the next day I turned off my deep brain stimulator and I have had no symptoms since.
720
00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:13,240
Wow.
721
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:22,080
I have gone from a miraculous healing to a devastating relapse back to another miraculous
722
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:27,280
healing, but there's been so many amazing, incredible lessons along the way.
723
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:33,120
And looking back as hindsight is crystal clear, I can see exactly why everything happened,
724
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,320
how it happened, when it happened.
725
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:36,320
Amazing.
726
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,320
All right.
727
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:38,320
What else do you want to talk about?
728
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,880
I feel like that was a, that was a good look.
729
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,720
Oh, for you.
730
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:44,480
You did awesome.
731
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:48,320
When you had this experience, who did you tell about it?
732
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:56,440
My mom immediately, she's always been way more into the metaphysical and the spiritual
733
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:59,920
while my dad was a fundamentalist Christian.
734
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:05,520
And I saw a ghost and Auras as a kid and telling her she, she had pooped me.
735
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,720
She didn't not believe me.
736
00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:12,760
And she, she kind of helped me with what those things might be and, you know, that they're
737
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,720
good and they're gifts.
738
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:19,040
So I'd always told her about any of my metaphysical or paranormal experiences.
739
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:25,680
So of course I told her about this and I had no idea what a near death experience was,
740
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:31,840
or any of the things related out of bodies, spiritually transformative experience, Kundalini
741
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:35,960
awakenings, you know, now, now I know there's a list of things.
742
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,800
I had no idea what any of this was and I'm telling her about it and she's, she's actually
743
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:45,440
heard of near death experiences, my great grandmother had three, but didn't talk about
744
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:49,560
him other than watch your words and we're not meant to know everything.
745
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,800
Those were the only insights I ever knew.
746
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:58,280
Not what she experienced, nothing, just what her life ended up being like around those,
747
00:46:58,280 --> 00:46:59,720
not the actual experiences.
748
00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:03,560
So I knew very little, but I told my mom, I trusted her.
749
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:08,800
She's been my advocate, my best friend, my whole life, my wing woman, I would not have
750
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:14,640
made it as far as I did without her for sure, medically and spiritually.
751
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,360
That's a huge blessing.
752
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,640
So I told her, and she had an idea of that.
753
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,120
I had the near death experience and I thought she was crazy.
754
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:26,360
It's like, whatever, you get, you have crazy ideas about things.
755
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,160
You know, that's not what it was.
756
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:33,280
But through the next year, she persuaded me to go to IAINs and just, you know, feel it
757
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,280
out.
758
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,680
I heard all these amazing stories of near death experiences.
759
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:43,200
Dr. Maria O'Neill, who drowned in a kayaking accident.
760
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:49,200
And I really wanted to see Evan Alexander, you know, the atheistic brain surgeon.
761
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:54,720
And I heard all these fantastic stories of going to heaven and seeing past loved ones
762
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:58,320
and the marble gates of healing and life reviews.
763
00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,440
And I had none of that.
764
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,120
So I was like, cool.
765
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,400
That was a beautiful conference.
766
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:04,640
That's not what happened.
767
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,680
I did not get to hear Evan Alexander's story though.
768
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,200
I didn't do the whole conference.
769
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,840
I did a couple of days because I didn't know what to expect.
770
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:20,840
And I heard him on YouTube in 2020 and realized his experience had similarities to mine.
771
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:24,280
His was the closest to mine that I had ever heard.
772
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:29,640
And it hit me like a force that I have never experienced.
773
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:37,760
Maybe like a huge G force shoved into my stomach and I realized, oh, that was real.
774
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:39,480
And that's what happened.
775
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:43,360
But it still took me some time to come to terms with that and talk about it.
776
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:49,640
Until I left corporate America after brain surgery was having the kind of crisis like,
777
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:50,640
why did I do that?
778
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,920
I worked my full life through all of this to make it to the top.
779
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:57,480
And I just said no to my dream job and why?
780
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:04,200
So I ended up in a meditative state and asking a bunch of questions.
781
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:10,520
And I was shown a river with books thrown as stepping stones, meaning I had to write
782
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,120
some books.
783
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,680
And I didn't want to, but I said, fine, I'll listen.
784
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:20,600
And I wrote my first book about my experience and I've come out ever since.
785
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,160
All right.
786
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,720
Well, this has been fun.
787
00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:25,720
Love your story.
788
00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:26,720
Love your attitude.
789
00:49:26,720 --> 00:49:29,400
It's been fantastic.
790
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:35,400
Let's leave one last great message for everybody out there today.
791
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,960
What's the most important thing that you learned from this that you can share?
792
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,320
Our thoughts absolutely create our reality.
793
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,640
If you have negative ones, you have a chance to change it.
794
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:50,600
And if you have positive ones, have those positive emotions draw it into reality.
795
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:55,520
And that is absolutely the most powerful point I think I've learned in my experience.
796
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:57,240
And how afraid of death are you?
797
00:49:57,240 --> 00:49:58,240
Not at all.
798
00:49:58,240 --> 00:50:00,480
Scale of one to zero, you're zero.
799
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:03,560
If there is a negative answer in this, it's negative.
800
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:04,560
There it is.
801
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:05,560
That's the answer.
802
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,560
All right.
803
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,440
I even help people who are facing death.
804
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,520
So there's your answer.
805
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:11,520
Thanks so much.
806
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,520
Bray appreciate you.
807
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,800
Thank you, Eric.
808
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,600
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
809
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:24,680
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtriptest.com.
810
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:28,960
If you want to share your near death experience or if you have questions or comments about
811
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:33,480
the show, send an email to Eric at roundtriptest.com.
812
00:50:33,480 --> 00:51:00,480
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.
