Transcript
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From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
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They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
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And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
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physical body because I was somewhere else.
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The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
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anything else to be felt.
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I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
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I'm back home again.
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Incredibly safe and felt at home.
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Welcome, welcome to RoundTripDeath everybody.
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And we have a very special guest today.
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I'm not even going to say her name for a minute.
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From Southern California in the U.S.
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Good morning Brooke.
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Good morning.
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So nice to be with you Eric.
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Thank you.
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It's good to meet you finally and it's good to talk.
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Can you let our listeners know just a little bit about you?
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Who's Brooke?
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Brooke is a very enlivened soul living with two beautiful, wild, wondrously feral little
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boys that bring endless joy, boundless curiosity and a bundle of play to every single day.
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I am a integrative healer.
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I am a multidisciplinary practitioner.
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I have training in depth in clinical psychology, license in that field, but I predominantly
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now work integrating that for mystical experiences with shamanic energy medicine and some ascension
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work.
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It varies person to person, but it is my passion.
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I'm also a writer and a poet.
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That was a mouthful all that.
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Congratulations for even remembering.
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Not alone knowing what it means.
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But the one thing I want to hear about is what does feral children mean?
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Is this like this free range parenting?
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Somewhat.
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I don't follow like a specific ideology at all.
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However, we've been blessed to co-create a home school alternative learning environment
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with a bunch of persons in our immediate environment.
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They are nature-based 80% of their day, which for two boys is pure joy.
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Our scholastics are child-led, meaning it's based on their passions and where they're
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very advantageous and talented.
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Other areas are supported, but they're not enforced in the normative way.
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That is not fair.
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I would have loved that.
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Yes.
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I would have too.
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They have meditation and yoga every day, 90-minute recess.
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It just goes on and on.
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They have this awesome drum circle and a community garden on Fridays.
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Very blessed and we love it.
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That sounds fantastic.
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Anyway, it's Brooke Grove to let everybody know your full name and we'll have some kind
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of contact info in the show notes in case anybody wants to get a hold of you, Brooke.
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But right now, this is a podcast about NDEs.
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Let's jump into what happened to you.
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This was back in 2010, I believe.
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Yes, it was, Eric.
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Give us some background.
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What was going on with your health because, wow, something bad happened.
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Yes.
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When I was writing my first master's thesis, I started getting very sick, so much so that
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I had to take a leave of absence from school.
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I knew it was in conjunction to my paper.
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I was writing about trauma at the time, really pushed by my academic advisor to use my own
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story.
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I know now and I knew then that I wasn't ready for it.
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Back then, I didn't have appropriate boundaries and I wanted to please and I did it anyway.
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My body immediately resisted.
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It presented like autoimmune disease.
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I received a constellation of diagnoses from various practitioners.
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They were pinballing me around for years at pain management, rheumatologist, pulmonologist.
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I was having severe pulmonary issues marked by chronic pneumonia and bronchitis and I am
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a severe asthmatic.
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That was very concerning and the medication was very troublesome and really impeded my
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lifestyle as a young person at that time, particularly predizone, which is the drug
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they typically use.
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I also was having severe pain in the body.
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My joints would lock.
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I wouldn't be able to walk at times.
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Knees would give out.
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My hands would stop working.
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I'd have to record my paper through my voice.
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Something was seriously off.
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I intuitively felt even back then a correlation between what I was working on in my academic
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career, the trauma I was treating as a young clinician and what was happening to my body.
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However, because I wasn't licensed at this time and was still in school, whenever I would
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tell a medical doctor, I thought it was a psychological response in part.
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They laughed at me.
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They did not think the mind-body connection was significant and they just filled me with
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more and more medication.
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Even then, again, I knew something was off about this.
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I'm from Maryland and my parents still live there and Hopkins is there and was the leading
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autoimmune research center.
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I worked really hard to get an appointment there with the hope that somebody was going
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to tell me what this mystery diagnosis truly was so we could get me on a better protocol
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and I'd get well.
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At the time, they were advising for chemotherapy, which was used for lupus and other things.
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I didn't want to go down that path as a 20-something-year-old.
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I fly to Maryland and I'm very excited to be seen by Hopkins and what begins to happen.
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The locking that I've talked about begins to happen.
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My family's not home and I'm staying in a basement apartment.
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I can't even get up and down the stairs to get food and get to the kitchen.
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I'm in crippling pain.
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I call my treatment team in Los Angeles and ask them what to do because I have two days
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until I can be seen.
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They tell me in no uncertain terms, it's entirely safe to double up all of the medication because
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nothing's going to cause me harm in one extra dose.
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Well, unbeknownst to them, while they knew that the kidneys and the lungs and the joints
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were involved, what they'd missed through all of this odyssey over five or six years
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was that the liver was involved.
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When they told me to double up the medication, multiple products contained Tylenol.
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It was a dose that ought to not hurt a normative person.
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However, because I was already living in a highly compromised state, when I took the
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medication, I immediately blacked out and fell.
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The liver began rapidly failing.
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Healthy count is at the highest, usually around 40,000 or so I'm told.
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Yet I sprung up to 210,000 within the first few hours after taking this medication.
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When I fell and had the traumatic brain injury that ultimately led to coma, my kidneys and
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lungs went with the liver.
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Within a matter of moments, I suffered systemic organ failure of the liver, lungs, and kidneys
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with a traumatic brain injury.
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For me, the NDE ends in ICU.
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Did somebody find you?
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That's the miracle of the first miracles in a series of miracles.
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My family had been on a cruise and got home when I collapsed.
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They knew immediately something was wrong because I was face down on the bed or the
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floor.
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I hear it varying ways from different people, but they were so in shock.
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That said, there was bile and I was already turning yellow and then the skin bruises when
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the liver fails that rapidly.
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You swell up within a matter of moments.
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You look like you've put on 15 or 20 pounds.
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They knew something was significantly wrong.
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They called the local hospital, the local hospital, helicopter made to Hopkins.
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So you got into your appointment a little early.
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Sorry, I should not make light of that.
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This is serious.
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You know what?
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Lavity.
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Lavity.
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I still talk about this with great joy and ease because it brings lavity to what was a very
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difficult situation that ultimately became medicinal for the soul.
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Well laughter is medicinal.
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We all know that.
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Definitely.
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Okay.
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I want to come back to something in a while, but I don't want to interrupt what's going
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on with the chronological of your NDE here.
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Let's just pin, let's remember, come back and talk about what should people do if they
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get a diagnosis?
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They just, their gut's telling them this isn't right.
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Okay.
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Come back to that.
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Right now you're in Johns Hopkins.
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You are super sick.
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They've taken you in, I'm sure, through the emergency ER and you're getting all the attention
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in the world.
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And you go straight up to the ICU or is there surgery or something first or?
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I have no recollections.
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My only knowing of this is based on the medical records, but it shows those helicopter and
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then right into ICU.
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They knew the river was failing at such a rapid rate.
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They, I believe per the, what my family was told and also what's in their records that
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they thought it was a less than 1% chance of natural awakening.
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So they're doing emergency work, but there's not a lot of hope.
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Well, yeah, I don't think there's a switch you can flip or a drug you can give that automatically
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turns your liver back on.
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Is there, I'm not a doctor.
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I don't know.
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No, it needs to regenerate and when you have a count like mine, apparently very few people
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come back from that.
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Okay.
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So what happened next?
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So what begins my NDE from my knowing and my remembrance is coming out of the body.
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Now at the time I did not understand I was coming out of the body.
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I was merely looking down at ICU and I noticed that everybody's wearing hazmat suits and
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it's a very solid mood and it looked like an ex files episode to me.
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And as my consciousness begins to float out of the body, I am still very much me.
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There's this curiosity, the science aspect of me as I was studying clinical psychology
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and my doctorate at that time.
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So I had all these questions and hypotheses as I'm pulling out.
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And then suddenly there's this awareness like, Oh my gosh, that's me.
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That's my body.
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And you know, I wasn't fully unattached from it at that point.
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So there still was some ego identity.
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There still was attachment to it.
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Almost like I got to get back in there and what do I do in a little bit of panic.
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And at the same time that those very tender human parts within me became activated, there
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was this pool, pool, pool, pool, pool, pool.
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And then within what felt like seconds, I was blasted into the most magnified cosmos
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like space.
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It's truly ineffable.
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Yet there are pockets of blackness and there are pockets of these gorgeous gem tone colors
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which are so intense.
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I've never seen their likeness on this earth to date.
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I mean, the saturation and the vibrancy and it's not just the beauty and the poetry of
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the colors and the hues and the sensations that are coming from them.
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It is this intense vibration of unconditional love.
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You know how I find I hear that?
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And I love it every single time.
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The unconditional love.
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I'm going to push you on that one.
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Tell me what that felt like.
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How can someone relate to what that was really like?
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For me, as I'm a complex trauma survivor, I've never felt what I felt over there here
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in life.
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My body has always felt uncomfortable, heavy.
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There's a lot of storage and memories in it that I've done a lot of work to get through.
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Yet it's never been this place of ineffable peace.
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It's never all felt like a sanctuary until recent years.
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So when I have this experience, I'm freed of the limitations of the body.
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I am one with those colors that love everything.
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It's like a telepathic, intuitive activation of the awareness that we come from this infinite,
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eternal source that celebrates every aspect in every way because it is us and we are it.
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It is like the most intimate reconnect with your ultimate parent.
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There is just a union that is utterly inexplicable.
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It makes every sorrow worthy.
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You just feel peace and a knowing that whatever is, whatever weather has passed through the
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storm of life, you are now at peace.
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And there is just infinite surrender in that freedom, ultimate freedom.
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And as someone who was indoctrinated by religion at a very young age and had some very significant
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religious trauma per parochial school and abuse, having that unconditionality, that
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non-judgmental open awareness, that non-duality meet you and greet you as if you are one with
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it.
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There was such a cleansing purification and a reorientation to what the divine is.
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Okay.
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That's amazing.
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Speaking of what the divine is, you just said just a minute ago something about parents.
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What did you say?
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And could you explain that a little bit more?
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With the parenting to the connection to the one or the energy?
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Yeah.
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You know, I feel quite often, unfortunately, in this culture, parenting is more transactional
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in the earth realm.
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Parents have a goal, they're providing support and they want a certain attachment to outcomes.
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They want a certain thing in alignment to their beliefs and their being, which I totally
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understand as a parent myself.
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However, in this space, you were reoriented to who your true parent was, your true creator.
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And that source holds you in a way that's so healing for not just you, the soul that's
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there in that presence, but your entire lineage.
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It was almost as if in a moment, all the gripes I had towards my family due to dysfunctional
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patterns and abuse and things of that nature, religion, it was gone.
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Because I understood how each and every one of us was part of that divine expression,
244
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living its unique story so we could remember this and liberate ourselves.
245
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,840
And so there was just like an ancestral healing component to it, completely unspoken and yet
246
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:25,760
so liberating, especially when you'd been told your whole life that God is judgmental
247
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:31,120
and that there's heaven and hell and all this duality and that just wasn't the experience.
248
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,680
It was ineffable divine union.
249
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,680
God is love.
250
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:36,680
Yes.
251
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,680
Okay.
252
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,240
What do you remember that happened after that?
253
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:45,280
So after I've come into this extra juicy, yummy, unconditional love space, I'm being
254
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:53,160
held yet I'm also in a sort of homecoming with three of these lights who I know to be
255
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,840
angelics now, I work with them all of the time.
256
00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:02,480
I don't know that I would have used that vernacular when I woke up, but now 13 years
257
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,600
later, I could definitely say that.
258
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:12,560
And these light beings greeted me and it was so overwhelmingly emotional.
259
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:18,760
My heart chakra just always is like, as soon as I feel into them, whether it's in the story
260
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:24,760
or in the here and now, in the sense that I had been an intuitive child and I had shared
261
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:30,120
my visions of angelics and things that have been communicated to me when I was very young
262
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:35,320
and my family saw it as witchcraft and shamed it and really shut it down.
263
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:41,680
And so when I saw these particular colors, my consciousness was like, these are the angels
264
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,680
from childhood.
265
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:49,600
Like it was the same three beings of light that I had seen as a kid and they had comforted
266
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:54,400
me in times of such distress when I had no one else and when I didn't feel safe with
267
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,680
the priest or family members or whomever.
268
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:04,040
And here they were again, welcoming me to this place that was beyond any home I could
269
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,400
fathom in my human mind.
270
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:13,640
And so these light beings communicated to me through inner knowing, telepathy, nothing
271
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:20,720
was said, everything was felt in an extra sensory way of feeling.
272
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:27,640
Like there is just this resonance, this symphony, this cosmic kiss that comes through when you're
273
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in their presence.
274
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:36,280
And one was a beautiful ruby red, one was a beautiful emerald green and another was
275
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,760
a beautiful violet color.
276
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:47,200
And so I just really reconnected and reunified, if you will, I was formless in this space.
277
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:52,280
So I'm feeling all of this stuff and I can feel my own light, yet I never saw it the
278
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,480
way that I saw other beings.
279
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,440
It was just a felt sense of expansion.
280
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:03,040
When you would up the resonance of connection with anything in this space, you would just
281
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,800
feel your own field expanding and becoming one.
282
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:14,760
So there was just this constant ebb and flow of energy and understanding, intuitive understanding,
283
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,800
emotional intelligence.
284
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:22,600
And these beings just really comforted me as I went through waves and pools of almost
285
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:29,040
like instantaneous clearings of past occurrences and memories and things that had happened
286
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,160
in this realm.
287
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:41,240
They were almost purifying me of those stories as I began to feel the magnetic pool of this
288
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,800
light that was way beyond scope in size to them.
289
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:51,600
I mean, there are these beautiful orbs of light moving around connected to me and then
290
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:57,800
suddenly there's this light unlike anything I've ever seen over here, which is almost
291
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,080
like fire in a way.
292
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,520
The flame when you light a fire, you see that blue?
293
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:07,720
You know, sometimes it was like that in spots and then intense white in the rest of it.
294
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,800
Super, super, almost blinding.
295
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,000
If I were to have eyes there, it was very, very intense.
296
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,200
I didn't feel I wanted to look at it.
297
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,960
I just wanted to be pulled to it.
298
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:23,480
The pooling, the way that it pulled you in, it was like a tapestry of light just weaving
299
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,280
in and out with you.
300
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:33,480
And I felt the desire to go to it so intensely and yet at the same time that I wanted nothing
301
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:40,600
more than to be with it and to continue to have these vibrations amplified, there was
302
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,160
a halt.
303
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,360
There was a pause.
304
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:50,840
And at that point is when my angelics, the three colors that I've described, they basically
305
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,040
communicate.
306
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,760
You may go to that light.
307
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,800
You are from that light.
308
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,880
That is the, you know, creator light basically.
309
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:02,240
And you will ultimately go to that light.
310
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:07,040
You can do it now or you can do it later.
311
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,760
And of course, for me, I'm in an in-between state.
312
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,000
I'm in a coma for three and a half days.
313
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,240
I'm not technically dead.
314
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,360
I had been declared likely brain dead, but they weren't certain.
315
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,680
It's based on the scale, okay?
316
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:22,680
And brain activity.
317
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,520
There was no guarantee.
318
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:30,760
They tell me I can come back and I can complete.
319
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,880
And this was important in my case, this collective mission.
320
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:41,880
I had to come here with other persons to really serve.
321
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:46,760
And something in that communication intuitively lit me up.
322
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:52,400
There was either an organic remembrance or knowing of my soul's blueprint and why I had
323
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,080
chosen a difficult incarnation.
324
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,680
Although none of those words were used.
325
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:58,680
Okay?
326
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,800
It's just this knowing there's this beautiful reason you went there.
327
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:08,240
There's this divine reason for all of that suffering, all of the trauma, even the education.
328
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,480
There was a purpose to it all.
329
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,760
Now here's the caveat that spirit through me.
330
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,800
They let it be known.
331
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,880
If you choose to go back now, there will be more of that.
332
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,520
There will be more suffering.
333
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:27,400
But then they communicated what I only know to be the resonance of the number 10.
334
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,000
At the time it met absolutely nothing to me.
335
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,520
When I woke up, I was obsessed with 10s.
336
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:37,480
And I thought it just had to do with 2010 and that number getting stuck in my head.
337
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,400
But I didn't understand what the 10 was for.
338
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,040
But I just held onto it when I wake up.
339
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:50,320
That said, they communicate this beautiful download of just what is to come.
340
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:54,120
And again, Eric, none of this made sense back then.
341
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,400
But they showed me the earth.
342
00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:05,960
And the earth was surrounded by these beautiful beings of this citrine gold light.
343
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:13,160
And all of these beings who I could feel had very human hearts and very human energies
344
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,160
were connected.
345
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:18,920
And they were surrounding the entire earth almost as if they were holding it.
346
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,000
And they were the base.
347
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:26,080
And the earth was emanating this light and this love and this intelligence and this
348
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,640
like higher knowing that I had not experienced.
349
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:35,400
And when I felt and received that image, I knew I was part of that ring of the light.
350
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,520
I knew the 10 was significant.
351
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,160
I knew what they said was true.
352
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:45,120
They told me repeatedly, if you choose to go back, you will be supported through the
353
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,120
next suffering.
354
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,000
You know it cannot kill you now.
355
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,960
I love the fact that you got the choice.
356
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:58,120
And I would think that that makes it easier to deal with everything now that you're back.
357
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,880
Some people, as you know, don't have that choice.
358
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,840
They're just told you're going back.
359
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:03,840
Exactly.
360
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,160
And some don't even want to.
361
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,880
And so it's sort of a kicking and screaming thing.
362
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,320
But the fact that you got the choice is awesome.
363
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,080
You made the choice.
364
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,960
And I love how people are never lied to.
365
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:23,040
They're never told, hey, if you go back, it's going to be so easy.
366
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,280
It's just all going to be, you know, sweet.
367
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,080
You won't have any more trials in life.
368
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:33,520
No, they're honest and they let you know you can go back, but it's going to be hard.
369
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,440
Things aren't going to get easier.
370
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,520
And I love that honesty.
371
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:42,400
And how could there not be honesty anyway with all that love and all those other emotions
372
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,880
that you're feeling, right?
373
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,520
Definitely.
374
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:52,520
Honesty just couldn't be, I mean, dishonesty could not exist in that same place, could
375
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:53,520
it?
376
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,440
No, no, not at the frequency.
377
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,040
That's like the period you receive it.
378
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,880
That's why it's so enlivening even now.
379
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:06,520
And I enjoy telling the story and really speaking it because I feel it more when I speak it
380
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:12,960
versus writing it, because you just feel that divine harmony and that unconditionality that
381
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:20,040
is unfortunately so rare right now on in the earth realm with many persons and many connections
382
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,960
and many institutions and on and on and on.
383
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,960
But we're working on it.
384
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,840
So did anything else happen before you came back into your body?
385
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,840
Yes.
386
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:38,000
So when I decide that I want to go back, I commit to it and I basically say to the angelics,
387
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:43,120
and I mean, there was still that really wanting to connect to the source light, but also knowing
388
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:45,480
I came here for a reason and things are about to shift.
389
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,320
I don't know what this all means, but I'm here for it.
390
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:53,600
And so I asked how to get back to the body and they tell me to look like a light unlike
391
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,480
any other.
392
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:59,280
And I don't really know what that means even as an orb of consciousness.
393
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:05,000
So I'm kind of like spinning around in this space and there's a lot of darkness to either
394
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,200
side outside of the angelics.
395
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,560
And I don't really know what to do.
396
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:16,360
And suddenly I feel these other two lights and one was this amazing indigo blue and the
397
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,760
other was again a soft green.
398
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:24,080
This one much more like mossy and grass like than the other, which was more deep emerald.
399
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:29,640
And so I look at them, but unlike the other lights, which really are holding me throughout
400
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:36,800
this entire ineffable journey, these lights feel like I want to hold them.
401
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,080
I'm curious about them.
402
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:44,520
And so again, my consciousness is still very aligned to my personality and I'm curious
403
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,360
and I'm kind of playful with the lights and I'm not getting any information and I'm not
404
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,800
getting a download and communication.
405
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,760
So then it's just like, okay, they're cute.
406
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:57,160
Just keep going, you know, no awareness of what that was or what it meant.
407
00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:04,440
And at that point I see this horrendous, very earth like light that I follow and I'm kind
408
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,800
of pulled it back into my body, which that horrendous light happened to be the flashlight
409
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,520
that they were checking my vitals with.
410
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,320
So I'm back.
411
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,760
You're back.
412
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:15,880
Was it pleasant?
413
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:16,880
Was it?
414
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,880
Oh no, all of a sudden I'm in pain.
415
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,000
You mentioned your body feels heavy.
416
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,400
What did that all feel like to be back?
417
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,840
It was awful to be back.
418
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,720
I was catapulted back in.
419
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,040
I did not understand how I had come to be in coma.
420
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:37,920
I'm intubated because of what they believed to be brain damage that was going to be irreversible
421
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,520
according to the science.
422
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:44,440
They had put pick lines into both side of my brains to try to save it.
423
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:48,600
My ex-husband understood I would not want to be a vegetable.
424
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:53,720
And so he did everything he could to preserve what cognition I could come back with should
425
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,960
I awake and bless him for that.
426
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:01,000
However, because of the pick lines, I was strapped down to the bed.
427
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,240
So not only am I intubated, I'm strapped down.
428
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,320
They don't realize I'm in there for some time.
429
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:11,160
They thought that my eye movements to the light were just involuntary.
430
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,840
I had no other signs of being awake.
431
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:21,320
It wasn't until I realized nobody knew I was awake for hours and hours, I started compulsively
432
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:26,960
linking my eye till somebody came up and was like, do you understand one for yes, two for
433
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:27,960
no?
434
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,760
And we started communicating through my left eye.
435
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,520
But yes, being back into the body, it was hellish.
436
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,280
I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
437
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:43,120
It was like being taken from this heaven and slammed back down into hell.
438
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,120
Everything hurts.
439
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:51,560
I also thought they had given me some really good drugs, Eric, because I'm looking around
440
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:58,320
the room and nothing looks the way that 3D stuff is supposed to look.
441
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:02,880
There's some stuff moving around the top of everything, almost like you're coming off
442
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,760
of psychedelics.
443
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,520
And so I think they've just given me really good medication.
444
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:13,600
When they finally give me a pen within my non-dominant hand, I wrote, please stop the
445
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,600
drugs.
446
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:20,560
At which point the nurse laughed and said, honey, your liver failed.
447
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,040
We can't give you banadryl.
448
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,000
You're on nothing.
449
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,040
And that's when I was introduced to my after effects.
450
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,440
What after effects?
451
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:36,040
And so the first after effect to introduce itself from my ND was the ability to see the
452
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:41,400
quantum field and energy, any kind of auric activity that's occurring on anything.
453
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,200
This can be an inanimate object.
454
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,760
This can be a person.
455
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,440
With a person, it gets much more complex.
456
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:52,520
The doctors are walking up and they're telling me all sorts of grim and dim stuff about my
457
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:59,040
prognosis and I won't have children and I'll be in a wheelchair and I need a liver transplant.
458
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,520
It's just one thing after another.
459
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:06,520
And at the same time that they're saying all of this to me, I'm only noticing what's happening
460
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,520
on their aura.
461
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:14,480
I've stopped even listening to them and I start unconsciously responding to what I see
462
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:19,760
and depending how intense the activity is, there was one doctor who was always spinning
463
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:24,320
the doom and gloom and at the same time he was ruminating on a cigarette.
464
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,000
And so I blurred out.
465
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,760
Just go smoke already.
466
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:38,800
He jumped like 10 feet back and then I realized I'm like, I can't say these things out loud.
467
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,400
How did he respond?
468
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,040
He jumped like 10 feet back.
469
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:47,360
It was very similar to when my parents heard me say things that, you know, from things
470
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,680
that came to me and then happened to be true within a matter of moments and they were like
471
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,840
witchcraft, you know, like, and I had that programming in me.
472
00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:02,120
So the minute he jumps back, a guest, what gets reactivated in my lower mind, my human,
473
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:07,080
the trauma of being a kid that's an intuitive that names stuff that scares people.
474
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:12,720
So instantaneously, I start to form a distrust of what is happening to me.
475
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:13,880
It's bad.
476
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,620
It will get me in trouble.
477
00:31:15,620 --> 00:31:17,400
It's shameful.
478
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:24,080
And what ended up being my savior in that ICU were the Angelics again.
479
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:30,000
I had been very blessed to have been working with a Taoist master before all of this happened.
480
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:34,520
And he was always talking about my guides and like, and I was always like, yeah, whatever
481
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,360
back then, right?
482
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,000
But I liked the Taoist practices.
483
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:43,120
Well, when I'm in ICU and I can finally use my phone, I messaged him and I was like, something
484
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,720
happened.
485
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:50,240
My mind wants to say it's just a dream, but some other things are happening and they are
486
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,000
not dreams.
487
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,000
And you tell me what you're intuiting or what you're reading off my energy because you've
488
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:57,720
described things to me.
489
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:03,000
And he goes, oh, you're hanging out with your friends, red, green and violet.
490
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,400
And I was like, I can see them.
491
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:06,560
And he's like, uh-huh.
492
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,280
They've been waiting for this.
493
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,000
And I'm all like, what do I do with this?
494
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,440
And he's like, you'll know.
495
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:18,880
And so I just fiercely prayed ICU is a scary place to be stuck in for a very long time.
496
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,720
People are constantly dying.
497
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:25,040
And you can see energy and there are glass walls around you and they are calling code
498
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,880
blue one after another.
499
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:31,560
I started just saying, if you were real, if you were real as a child, if you are real
500
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:37,520
now, come to me, speak to me, show me what I do with all of this, because I could already
501
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:42,960
start to feel there was something to using my hands to heal that I could intuitively
502
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:47,840
ease the liver and pain just by holding it the right way and to change the color of my
503
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:48,840
own field.
504
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:53,720
And so all these things are beginning to step forward, yet I don't, my intellect is fighting
505
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:54,720
it.
506
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,520
I was trained as a clinical psychologist.
507
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,120
Suddenly I'm seeing things.
508
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,520
Suddenly I'm having clairaudience.
509
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,000
Suddenly I'm knowing doctors like thinking and feeling.
510
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,240
Suddenly I know my parents and my entire family is somehow blaming me for this.
511
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,480
It was a lot to digest.
512
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:17,600
Yet thankfully I also knew if I was psychotic in any way, I would not be oriented times
513
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:23,360
four, which is the clinical term for person, place, time, and situation.
514
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:30,280
I was constantly taking my mental status exam and I was constantly oriented times four.
515
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:37,320
So I knew that clinically I was grounded, aware, cognizant, yet something trans-personal,
516
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:44,760
something beyond normative senses had been activated or perhaps reactivated.
517
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:50,240
And so the angels began gently guiding me with how to intuitively use my hands.
518
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,120
When people code blue, they say, don't look for the pain.
519
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,440
Look for the bliss.
520
00:33:55,440 --> 00:34:00,760
And that's when I began to see angelics coming in and surrounding each person and them being
521
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:07,200
lifted up in this beautiful tunnel of light surrounded by other oars of light.
522
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,760
And those were my first shared death experiences at that point.
523
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,600
And they happened one after another and another.
524
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:18,800
And I realized that even though the hospital was this place with so much darkness, I could
525
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,200
call in that light.
526
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:25,520
I could continue to increase my own and I wouldn't feel any of that other stuff.
527
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:33,840
Suddenly I would be reunified with the angelics in the yummy sensations of divine unconditionality.
528
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:39,040
And to be able to do that in ICU when it seems like the whole world's turned against you,
529
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:44,280
you still haven't received an accurate story as to what happened to you.
530
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,120
There's no accountability.
531
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,040
My family, because again, they weren't there when it happened.
532
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,760
They used the trauma and abuse history against me.
533
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,880
When they heard it was too much Tylenol, they made the assumption because I self-tarned
534
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,200
as a kid, I took an overdose.
535
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:05,160
And so I had to go through the shrinks and all of that kind of stuff, which I aced with
536
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:11,120
flying colors, yet it was painful to have to go through that when I hadn't been someone
537
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:15,200
that was actively using for over 10 years.
538
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,760
So to go through that, there were layers and layers and layers of pain.
539
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:25,560
But at the same token, this new activation, this new intuition, this ability to see the
540
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:29,040
energy field was my saving grace.
541
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,000
And it really carried me through the darkest days of ICU.
542
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:37,920
And eventually they told me, this was in December, that I would not be home for Christmas.
543
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:43,240
I would spend New Year's in ICU and that I would be living in a rehabilitation hospital
544
00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:44,640
for most of the next year.
545
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,240
This is when I first wake up.
546
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:52,720
Cut to 14 days later when I'm out of ICU, I'm now into a lower threshold of care.
547
00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:57,280
And I'm teaching myself how to do things at night when they're not around so that I can
548
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,480
use the bathroom so that I can do some basic human functioning.
549
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:06,800
I got out for Christmas and I walked myself out of the hospital with full spontaneous
550
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:12,280
remission, which is the medical term for, we don't know, but the same doctor that was
551
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:17,120
ruminating on that cigarette came down to the floor and he said, I don't use this term
552
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,160
lightly.
553
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,840
You are a miracle and shook my hand.
554
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,880
That is so cool.
555
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:23,880
Thank you.
556
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:24,880
And so awesome.
557
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:30,440
And isn't it interesting that you felt weeks before like you needed to go to hospital
558
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,480
Hopkins and you did, right?
559
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,240
But not for why you thought.
560
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:37,240
Yes.
561
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:38,720
Anyway, I mean, it worked out there.
562
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:41,280
It just didn't work out how you expected it.
563
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,880
And hey, most things in life go that way.
564
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,920
And Hopkins said actually they transferred me to University of Maryland because I, one
565
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:52,440
part of the story that I leave out because I was informed of it later and I don't really
566
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:56,120
remember this, but they were trying to get me a liver transplant.
567
00:36:56,120 --> 00:37:01,920
I was only 29 years old and when your liver fails that rapidly and you are not an active
568
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,800
addict and I was a doctoral student, they shoot you to the top of the list.
569
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,560
So they were prepping me at University of Maryland for a liver transplant.
570
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,680
It was the only thing that would have saved my life.
571
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:18,360
And instead I ended up being able to walk out of there and my liver count is still in
572
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,080
the optimal functioning.
573
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,320
What's wild is Hopkins sent me a letter.
574
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:24,320
What is it?
575
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,320
13 years now.
576
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,240
They sent me a letter saying we found you a liver.
577
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:33,000
And when I called them, I said, you guys know you discharged me with spontaneous remission
578
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,840
and they were like, oh, no one keeps that.
579
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,160
I'm like, I'm still in it.
580
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,560
So they said they'd kept me on the list.
581
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,360
I was like, please give it to someone else.
582
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:42,720
I've been blessed.
583
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:46,240
So what was your healing like after that physically?
584
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,440
Did you just heal really quickly?
585
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:54,640
I did heal really quickly on the physical plane, but my psychological healing was like
586
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,120
many end-of-years.
587
00:37:56,120 --> 00:38:05,680
It was much more of a labyrinth and very disheartening for someone who had spent their adult life
588
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:10,160
in passion and pursuit of understanding the human mind.
589
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:16,040
It's a very difficult thing to give 13 years of your life to the study of something.
590
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:22,600
And then suddenly realize it doesn't work very well when their attributes come on.
591
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:30,800
And so I feel like for me, that ego death of the clinician and the researcher and the,
592
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:34,000
I was, you know, I had a 4.6 in every degree.
593
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,200
I really worked hard to be at the top of each cohort.
594
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:42,320
And then suddenly I'm defending my dissertation and it's on a topic that I wrote about before
595
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,120
all of this.
596
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:48,920
Suddenly I want to go into the transpersonal and the NDE and what the hell with the consciousness.
597
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,600
I want to understand all of these things and use my science for that.
598
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:59,040
Well, this was a very good school that had an APA, American Psychological Association
599
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:05,040
accreditation, and they didn't want to be associated with anything that they saw out
600
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,040
there.
601
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:10,040
And so I attempted to defend my dissertation three times.
602
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:14,600
In my story, you always hear a lot of threes, three angels, three days, three organs.
603
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,800
They just come up over and over again.
604
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:22,440
Well, I attempted to defend my dissertation three times and each time that I went to defend
605
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,600
the subject I no longer believed in, suddenly I had autoimmune symptoms.
606
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:27,920
Come on.
607
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:33,040
The third time when my hands began locking after being in complete spontaneous remission,
608
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,400
I said, this is my body communicating.
609
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:36,920
I didn't listen before.
610
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,960
I'm not doing this.
611
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:46,120
And that led to a period of very deep CPTSD and depression because I didn't know what
612
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:47,120
to do with my life.
613
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:54,040
I had invested so much money in the pursuit of these degrees and suddenly they were meaningless.
614
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:55,040
And what do I do with that?
615
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,240
And what am I going to be?
616
00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,800
My whole identity was invested in becoming a doctor.
617
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,960
I already had the white coat with my name on it.
618
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,440
I just had to defend the paper, but I couldn't.
619
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:06,680
And ultimately I wouldn't.
620
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:13,200
And though I didn't know it at the time, Eric, it became a great, great gift.
621
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:19,600
That inability to be the person I used to be was the beginning of becoming the person
622
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:26,560
I am, the person I always was here to be, but shut down due to family programming and
623
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,920
trauma and cultural conditioning.
624
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:35,080
Everybody changes after an NDE, some more profoundly than others.
625
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:40,040
If you don't mind me asking something personal, you mentioned an ex-husband.
626
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:44,400
Did that become an ex shortly after your NDE?
627
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,800
Within five years of my NDE.
628
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,640
That's pretty typical, isn't it?
629
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:49,640
Super typical.
630
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:56,480
Statistically, our divorce rate, our relational difficulty rate is way higher than the national
631
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:57,480
average.
632
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:03,520
So yes, I had just been married a year before coma and we'd been together six years without
633
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:04,600
conflict.
634
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:12,280
When coma happens, and let's just say I tried, but ultimately I became lit up spiritually
635
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:17,520
and I wanted to pursue that path and he was a fervent agnostic and wanted nothing to do
636
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,960
with it.
637
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:23,360
And I knew I had come back to be part of a collective that's here for healing and part
638
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,720
of some sort of shift in humanity.
639
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:27,720
And I wanted that.
640
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:29,520
That's what I was back here for.
641
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,640
And that kept me going.
642
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,160
And when I got depressed, it did too.
643
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,200
Suicide is super misunderstood in the NDE community.
644
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:44,520
There are many people that believe because we have these ineffable divine experiences,
645
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,000
we would be against suicide.
646
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:53,680
And yet statistically, in the first seven years following an NDE, 7% of adults will complete
647
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:58,920
suicide and 21% of childhood experiencers will complete suicide.
648
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,040
These are numbers I have not heard before.
649
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:02,760
So thank you for bringing them up.
650
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:07,080
Yes, those are from, I respectfully believe they're outdated.
651
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,480
That's from my friend, PMH Atwaters, Spinding.
652
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:10,480
Yeah.
653
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,560
Done so much research, but those were quite old statistics.
654
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:18,120
So from a research perspective, there's a lot of work calling to be done there.
655
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:23,680
However, I specialize in mystical experiencers and the majority of NDEers that come in that
656
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680
are new.
657
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,640
The reason they're coming in is suicidality.
658
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,840
Number one reason I get called for with them.
659
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:30,840
What about the divorce?
660
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:31,840
What are the numbers?
661
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:32,840
Do you know?
662
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:37,880
I know the divorce rate is almost two and a half times the national average.
663
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:38,880
It's almost like 90%.
664
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:40,880
I think it's between 80 to 90.
665
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:42,600
Yeah, it's really high.
666
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,520
It's incredibly high.
667
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,720
And I just know that circumstantially from people that I'm talking to on the show and
668
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:55,400
stuff is that it's very high, but I've never seen any numbers, specific numbers on it.
669
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,840
And then another one, if you happen to know any numbers about this, and that would be
670
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,400
job or career change.
671
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,280
I think it's over half is a drastic change.
672
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,520
And for others, it's more like steady progression.
673
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,520
You know?
674
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:13,280
So I mean, people, my friends always laugh because they're like, there's Brooke before
675
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,200
a comma and Brooke after a comma.
676
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,120
Like which one are you talking about?
677
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:20,720
Because we're so vastly different.
678
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:21,960
Brooke point two.
679
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:27,840
I was able to take my training and co-create with spirit, something that's still utilized
680
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:36,320
that academia and also use it in a healing capacity with my counseling skills, however,
681
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,560
in a different format.
682
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,360
So I was very blessed in that way.
683
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:44,800
However, if you had told me I'd be practicing as an intuitive with energy medicine and I'd
684
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:50,600
be going to different countries to study indigenous shamanism, I would have been like, no.
685
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,600
You know?
686
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:53,600
What?
687
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,600
Exactly.
688
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,240
But now that's the vibe.
689
00:43:56,240 --> 00:44:00,080
I'm going to digress a little bit, looking at some of my notes here and some questions
690
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,280
that I had along the way.
691
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:03,960
You mentioned something about a mission.
692
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,240
What mission did you come back with?
693
00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:11,360
I wasn't given a mission in the terms that most people are usually hungry for when they
694
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:12,920
talk about mission and purpose.
695
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:18,800
It wasn't like, you're a poet or you're a mother or something specific.
696
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:24,000
Love was what all of those of us that are here to assist seem to be here for.
697
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:31,160
It's almost like the divine wants us to remember or to help humanity remember that we are loved
698
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,720
exactly as we are here and now.
699
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:38,600
There is nothing to effort, change, or fix.
700
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:44,680
And because of the times we're living in and the climate of politics and social injustice
701
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:52,560
and the economies and whatnot, disease as well, it's so important to remind people that
702
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:59,120
you are connected to God within and without you and you are unconditionally loved.
703
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:04,080
Reminding people they are loved as they are is super, super important.
704
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:09,520
And that seems to be what the Creator wants to awaken in each of us in different ways.
705
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:13,280
And so we're blessed with certain gifts that support that.
706
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:14,280
Great.
707
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,360
Did you figure out what the number 10 meant?
708
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:17,360
Yes.
709
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:24,560
It was 2010 when my coma happened, I spent 10 years going through CPTSD, depression,
710
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:31,720
suicidality, before Spirit ultimately carried me out of that, quite frankly, and we land
711
00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:34,120
in the pandemic.
712
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:39,400
And that's when after leaving my ex, which unfortunately it got very abusive towards
713
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:45,560
the end and there was just a lot of bringing up the trauma and domestic violence and things
714
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:50,200
like that that I endured another level of the suffering they told me I would return
715
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,200
to.
716
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:56,280
However, this time I got to hold the perpetrator accountable.
717
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,440
This time I didn't hide my truth.
718
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,560
This time I used my gifts to heal.
719
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:08,760
This time I got spiritually oriented psychotherapy, which did tremendous things for my entire
720
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,160
nervous system.
721
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:16,320
This time I healed and as I did that, I decided I'm ready to tell my NDES story.
722
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:21,640
Lo and behold, as I start telling my story on the anniversary, the 10th anniversary,
723
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:26,720
I spoke at IM's for the first time in 2019 in December.
724
00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:33,320
And then the pandemic happened in 2020 and I'm happened to be invited to many podcasts
725
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:40,400
and conferences based on that one speech in 2019 that opened me up to connecting to people.
726
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:45,600
And what's interesting, Eric, is in 2019, I knew what the 10 meant.
727
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,440
I said to spirit, I know now I'm ready.
728
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,960
I'm going out into the world, no more hiding.
729
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:55,800
I'm making my current website and I'm sitting in my parents house before I go to IM's to
730
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:57,040
speak for the first time.
731
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,840
It was a big year for me in 2019.
732
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:02,880
This is now the international conference, not the local ones.
733
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:08,400
And so I'm working on this website and my mom's like, you have three master's degrees,
734
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:12,960
you almost had a PhD, you're really going to put that on the internet, you really want
735
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:14,720
people to come to you for this.
736
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:16,800
She's like, and where are you going to find them?
737
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:22,000
And I'm like, well, my teams are very playful and they have pretty much field of dreams
738
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,000
it.
739
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,760
If I build it, they will come.
740
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,680
And my mom's like, okay, good luck with that.
741
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:33,880
And then I went to the IM's and spoke that particular year and within six months I had
742
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,560
seen people across the world.
743
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,360
I've now seen people in 30 countries.
744
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:45,640
There is a demand for a transpersonal, multidisciplinary approach to integrative healing of mystical
745
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:46,920
experiences.
746
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:51,040
And I have been very blessed to work with incredible people from around the world with
747
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:52,040
great credit.
748
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:53,680
And they figure out how to find you.
749
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,360
They find me through YouTube.
750
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,320
I am not a social media person myself.
751
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,480
I don't have a channel that I'm on all the time doing work.
752
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:02,480
I've tried it.
753
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,080
It just energetically doesn't appeal to me.
754
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:08,400
I like the intimacy of deep diving with my clients.
755
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,440
I enjoy interviews because it connects me to people across the world, but they always
756
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,000
find me through interviews.
757
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:19,360
And as I work intimately with people, they tend to work with me for at least a year or
758
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,360
two.
759
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:24,960
I do do one-off sessions, but I'm really adept at going really deep and helping people
760
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:27,200
integrate the transpersonal and the mystical.
761
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:31,520
So it's embodied so that the awakening is just the beginning.
762
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,760
The radical embodiment is the journey.
763
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:34,760
All right.
764
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:35,760
Next.
765
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:39,560
This is going to sound like kind of a dumb question, but you may not know the answer
766
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,120
to, but you can just give me your opinion.
767
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:43,120
Where did you go?
768
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,600
Where did I go?
769
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,720
I don't have language for it.
770
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:54,160
It might have been the cosmos themselves has certainly looked like them.
771
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,160
Okay.
772
00:48:55,160 --> 00:49:00,920
If you were going from the set, the sense and seeing, it might have been in between dimensions
773
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:01,920
or realms.
774
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:07,560
I don't know that I would use the term heaven, which is also so associated to it just because
775
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:14,080
it felt nothing like the heaven I've been told of, but for the soul, it very much was
776
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:15,640
heaven.
777
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,560
It was just a place to me.
778
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:20,080
It is, it is the source.
779
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:21,080
It's the eternal eye.
780
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,240
It is where we come from.
781
00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:28,880
I don't have the language for it, but it is almost like the womb of the creator being
782
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:30,080
held in that space.
783
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,760
It's a good way to put it.
784
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:32,760
All right.
785
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,000
Next question is harder in a different kind of way.
786
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:41,200
And that is not that it's going to be hard for you to answer, but it's a tough thing
787
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:42,200
to talk about.
788
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:50,040
And that is you mentioned priests earlier on and we're not here to slam on anyone person,
789
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:51,960
anyone religion at all.
790
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:52,960
Okay.
791
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:59,080
So it comes up from time to time where people tell me, and usually it's after their NDE,
792
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:07,680
they tell me, Hey, I went to my clergy, whoever that may have been, and was told, No, either
793
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:14,240
that didn't happen or it was of the devil or it was something that's not quite right
794
00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:18,000
versus the wonderful experience that they felt like they had.
795
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,320
And of course you had experiences even before your NDE.
796
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:28,800
So please, if you could talk to clergy in general around the world, some that are completely
797
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:35,360
against this whole notion, some that have accepted it, okay, because plenty have to talk to them
798
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:36,880
right now.
799
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:37,880
What do they need?
800
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,000
What do they need to know?
801
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:44,280
Because their job is to help people and not hurt people.
802
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,160
And I don't think in general, they're, you know, they're good people.
803
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:48,520
They want to help.
804
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:49,520
Okay.
805
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,960
So what should they know?
806
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:54,080
How should they treat people?
807
00:50:54,080 --> 00:51:04,200
Divine respect and compassion are absolutely the foundation upon which any healing dynamic
808
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,600
are to grow upon.
809
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:13,720
So coming in to connection with a person who's had an experience beyond perhaps what you
810
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:19,640
believe and what you can fathom, you do not need to agree with them.
811
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:27,360
You do not need to have any sort of personal resonance with the experience to meet them
812
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:33,960
from a place of Christ consciousness, from eternal love.
813
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:42,320
And when we meet person to person beyond dogma, beyond belief, beyond even experience of the
814
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:51,040
divine, just soul to soul, there is an organic, intuitive, healing, visceral and very palpable
815
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,760
healing exchange that happens for both parties.
816
00:51:54,760 --> 00:52:03,760
I have met priests at conferences for NDE's that have taught me so much about how to work
817
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:11,080
and to resonate and to operate and the vernacular and ways that we can amplify the other person's
818
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,040
comfort just by their being.
819
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:21,360
And what each and every one of those individuals possess was an ability to trust.
820
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:25,800
Trust what the person's putting in front of you, whether or not you believe it doesn't
821
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:28,240
matter, it is true to them.
822
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:33,720
Be open to that truth without judgment.
823
00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:40,800
Read it as the Creator meets us with unconditionality and then presence.
824
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:44,040
Be with the person.
825
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:48,400
Active listening heals.
826
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:56,480
Seeing someone without judgment, without shame, and this is a big one with a lot of religion
827
00:52:56,480 --> 00:53:03,680
and persons of the faith, there is a tendency to amplify shame quite often because shame
828
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:10,320
is this human condition we all carry and are very uncomfortable with.
829
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:16,280
That person telling you that story likely has a great deal of shame.
830
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:23,280
They are telling you something that defies what most ordinary minds know to be real.
831
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:33,520
And they seek resonance and validation in your ability to just be present, to just receive,
832
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,560
to hold space.
833
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:42,440
And yes, some people will seek counsel, they will want religion as a soft landing place,
834
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:47,920
whereas others will push it away and others will oscillate like I have done.
835
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:54,920
Be open to knowing that whatever is unfolding in the moment is the invitation for that person's
836
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:55,920
growth.
837
00:53:55,920 --> 00:54:01,080
There is no right or wrong in the heart of God.
838
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:07,640
And that is how we all, clergy or non-clergy, ought to meet each other.
839
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:08,640
You did it.
840
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:09,640
Good answer.
841
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:10,640
Thank you.
842
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:14,000
All right, we really need to wrap up time-wise.
843
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,480
But a couple other things.
844
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:22,400
You mentioned when you were in the ICU was your first shared death experience.
845
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,080
Have you had a bunch of others?
846
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:25,080
Yes.
847
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:30,920
The most significant was when my grandmother passed away over 11 years ago because it was
848
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:34,680
right before my eldest, excuse me, was born.
849
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:37,600
She had had Alzheimer's for 12 years.
850
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,880
I'm going to do something super rude.
851
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:44,560
And that is that I'm going to interrupt this story because if you're okay with it, what
852
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:50,280
I would love to do with you is have a whole separate conversation about shared death experiences.
853
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,080
Yes, let's do that.
854
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:54,040
You have enough to talk about that we can do that?
855
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,120
Oh yeah, I have enough.
856
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:57,880
And we'll stick it out on a bonus episode sometime.
857
00:54:57,880 --> 00:54:59,120
Okay, cool.
858
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:00,120
Okay.
859
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:03,240
So there's the teaser for everybody listening.
860
00:55:03,240 --> 00:55:08,240
You want to hear more about that and about Brooke's grandma, which I can't wait to hear
861
00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:09,240
about.
862
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:11,960
Come back for that bonus episode.
863
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:16,240
But for now, how much fear of death do you have?
864
00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:18,120
Zero.
865
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,840
I am ready whenever the creator calls me home.
866
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:24,440
But you have things to do here still.
867
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,360
I have things to do here.
868
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:32,560
And I know that the times were inner potent and full of medicine for the heart of humanity,
869
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,320
which I'm very much here for.
870
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:40,440
So I have no desire to exit at the same token when it's time, it's time and I'm all good
871
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:41,440
with it.
872
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:43,280
All right, last thing.
873
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:47,040
Somebody listening today is having a really rough day.
874
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:50,440
This world's pretty tough right now, right?
875
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:54,600
And somebody could really use a brief message of hope.
876
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,120
What do you have to say to that one individual?
877
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:05,240
We are in the midst of profoundly difficult times.
878
00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:15,600
And to feel that or to express that or to struggle with that is the gift of our humanity.
879
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:20,440
You are not alone in that struggle.
880
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:29,040
We are taught by our culture, our parents, our ego, quite often to run when struggle,
881
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:36,960
pain, discomfort, hopelessness, despair, depression, heartache, loss, greet us at the
882
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:37,960
door.
883
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:42,880
Yet that running only compounds them.
884
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:52,960
There is an eternal love from forth you spring and that love can meet you and greet you and
885
00:56:52,960 --> 00:57:00,240
hold you and heal you and worship the light within you that you may not feel, but I guarantee
886
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:06,640
you you have for you are a light of the Creator.
887
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:16,080
And it does not go out as long as you are breathing that divine spark exists within your heart.
888
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:24,280
I will not bypass or dismiss any of the very real suffering in this world, but know that
889
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:29,680
all suffering is a call to return to love.
890
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,040
And it is not something outside of you.
891
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:34,400
It is something within you.
892
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:39,360
Your pain is an invitation to your liberation.
893
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,800
Love it and it will guide you.
894
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:43,000
Ruck, you're a joy.
895
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,600
Thanks a lot for being with me today.
896
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:45,600
Thank you, Eric.
897
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,800
It was fun.
898
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,600
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
899
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:57,640
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath.com.
900
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,920
If you want to share your near-death experience or if you have questions or comments about
901
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:06,240
the show, send an email to ericatroundtripdeath.com.
902
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:32,800
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.
