Transcript
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From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
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They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
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And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
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physical body because I was somewhere else.
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The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
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anything else to be felt.
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I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
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I'm back home again.
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Incredibly safe and felt at home.
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Welcome, welcome to RoundTripDeath everybody and our very special guest today, Janice Callahan.
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Down from the heart of Texas, how are you Janice?
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I'm Gray Eric, hello.
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Hi, it's good to see you.
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Hey, before we jump into your near-death experience, I want our listeners to get to know you just
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a little bit.
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So one minute go, who is Janice?
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Tell us anything you feel like.
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Okay, I am a mom of three amazing, lovely children and age gap siblings.
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So I'm also, I have a little one still at home and then I also am a grandmother and
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absolutely love that role.
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It's all that I thought it would be.
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I love being out in nature.
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I'm a reader.
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I crochet.
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I love music.
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I spend a lot of time just carrying and ministering for others in various different ways.
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Okay, you're not allowed to tell untruths on this show.
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I was trying not to say lie, but when you say you're a grandmother, people that are watching
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the video version of this are going to go no way, she's a liar.
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You can't be a grandmother at age 30.
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Oh, that's sweet.
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Thank you, Eric.
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Thank you.
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I'm well over 30.
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I assure you.
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All right.
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All right.
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Enough buttering you up.
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It's still lighting.
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Okay.
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All right.
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So Janice, give us an idea of what your life was like prior to your near death experience.
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We're going to talk about the experience and then talk about maybe how things have changed,
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how there's a new Janice since then.
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So what were you doing with your life prior?
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I was in technical cells for a long time.
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I sold things to large aerospace companies, things like software and hardware.
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That kind of always been in marketing and in cells for my professional career and led
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what I would call a double life.
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And so I, for 20 years, was very successful in cells, but then also had an addiction issue
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that nobody really knew about that I hid very, very well and worked.
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And I guess I was what you would call a functioning addict.
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Okay.
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But somehow you had a really successful career anyway, right?
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Yeah, I did.
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I had the things that we look at on the outside that beams success, right?
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I had a nice home, nice vehicle, money in the bank, kids and activities, sports activities
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and doing all of the things.
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But the reality was is that I was hurting a lot on the inside and I was self-medicating
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with narcotics.
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And so it created a whole lot of internal unrest.
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Happens a lot, doesn't it?
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More often than we think.
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Yeah, unfortunately, there's a lot of it.
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Okay.
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We're not passing any judgment on anybody in that kind of situation except to let you
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know there's hope and that hope comes in all kinds of ways for you started with the
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NDE, right?
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Yes.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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What's going on?
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I would say I was coming to the end of the holding everything together in the successful
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management of the splintered or double life.
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So there was some serious trauma that had happened about three weeks prior to this event.
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And so I was suffering with a lot of anxiety and like PTSD, I had recently come off of
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a lot of prescription pills.
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They were prescribed to me.
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I didn't use them as prescribed.
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And so when I hold turkey, went off of them, it related in a ton of blood pressure issues
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and I actually had an eating disorder at the time.
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So I wasn't eating properly.
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And it was just like the perfect storm, if you can imagine.
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So the night that I had my NDE was basically I was suicidal, Eric.
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I was in mass.
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Now you had kids at this time.
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Were you married?
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No.
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There was just a bunch of stuff going on in your life, obviously, in addition to the
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drugs.
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So did you have an overdose?
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Is that what brought this on?
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It is.
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Okay, tell me about it.
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Well, most people who have been in any kind of addiction, we kind of know our limit, right?
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And we know what we can do and what we can't do.
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And I was very, I would say, cautious.
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Remember I was functioning, so I always had to go to work the next day.
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So I didn't get too wild.
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And so this night, I wasn't getting too wild per se.
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In fact, it was almost as soon as I ingested the drug, so it was a drug that you smoke,
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and I don't want to trigger people, but it was a drug that you smoke.
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And I had only taken like a little bit.
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So it was like an instantaneous reaction.
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I had taken a little bit of one type of drug and then somewhat actually blew marijuana smoke
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in my face in addition to that.
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And I don't know if it was because both of them had just entered my system, but it was
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kind of like an anaphylactic reaction where instantly my throat started to close and I
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could not get any air whatsoever.
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Had you had this kind of allergic reaction before?
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Never.
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Huh.
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Okay, keep going.
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I was terrified because I couldn't breathe.
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And I was like, you know, trying so hard to get air into my lungs and relatively quickly,
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quickly, kind of like if you were choking on food, I guess.
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So there is some time where I was like, oh gosh, I can't breathe.
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I can't breathe.
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I needed to sit down and the person that I was with helped me to sit on the couch.
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But very quickly, my eyesight, I started to see tunnel vision.
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And then I realized I was in serious trouble.
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And I remember at the point, like I remember trying to dial 911 and him saying, like, we
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don't need to do that.
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You're just breathe, just breathe.
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And I could not breathe.
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So I would call it like an anaphylactic shock reaction or something.
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I don't know.
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Yeah.
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Tip of the day, by the way, if you're ever with someone that says call 911 or is trying,
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just do it.
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Don't judge and tell them, ah, you're fine.
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Yeah.
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And I think in this, you know, in this lifestyle, though, it happens a lot because no one wants
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to get in trouble.
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Eric, they're more worried.
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People are usually more worried about getting in trouble than saving someone's life, unfortunately.
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And it was relatively quickly that I began to, in my mind, I'm praying and I'm asking,
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you know, God to help.
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That was my immediate reaction internally.
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And it was very quickly that I started to feel a sense of my spirit begins separating
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from my body.
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I don't know how to describe it, but it was like this pulling away from my actual vessel.
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I like to call it a meat suit.
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And it, and I remember my spirit floating to the corner of this person's living room.
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And so for a moment, I'm looking back at myself and it's really wild because I'm seeing myself
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in the corner of the room from my own eyes as well.
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So it was like I could see here from my eyes, but as the spirit see from the corner of the
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room.
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And then it was like I was back in my body, but I felt like, I felt like if this person
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would stay with me, like it's hard to describe, but I felt like I needed to be tethered to
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the earth because it felt as though I was just going to float into oblivion at this
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point.
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I remember at this point looking down at my body and knowing my body is dying.
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I could feel like every cell, every organ in my body, I was acutely aware of everything
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physical.
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Like, I mean, I remember thinking like my eyelashes.
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I was, I was thinking about somehow like the, I could, I could sense that my organs were
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shutting down.
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And I remember trying to breathe, trying to get a breath, but knowing my lungs wouldn't
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expand.
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I looked down at my chest and I'm willing my heart to beat and nothing's happening.
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I know I'm in trouble.
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And in terms of like my, my body is giving up.
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It's tired and rightfully so, you know, I was really hard on my body and didn't really
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have a lot of value in my body, you know, um, through that lifestyle, through different
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traumas that I had throughout my life, you know, I just was like an object to others
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and to myself.
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So I was really like for the first time realizing like my, my well-being, my body and my life
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were actually precious, but that I took that for granted.
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I started actually using, uh, substances as a very young girl.
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And so it was, it was part of my life.
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It was part of the people that I was around.
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We all did something in some shape, fashion or form.
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And I'm having this understanding of how easy it is and how fragile our bodies are and how
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easy it is for our bodies to stop working properly.
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And as this is happening, I see my heart, it was like, I was willing my heart to, to
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beat and it was like it, it made one last very hard beat.
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And like I saw it happen with, with my own eyes that I'm looking down at just, and then
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I closed my eyes here.
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When I opened my eyes, I was in a completely different place.
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This is almost a two-part kind of thing where you, isn't it?
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I mean, you talked about leaving your body slowly.
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That's an unusual thing that I don't hear every day.
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It is pretty common for people to see their own body and some of what's going on.
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But then, but then to kind of, okay, here's the second act.
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Interesting.
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Jump into that.
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Yeah.
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So it was like an out-of-body experience and then a near-death experience, right?
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If I would have been rendered eight or anything, if maybe it would have just been the out-of-body
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experience, I presume, but because I wasn't, then it was full on death at that point.
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And when I closed my eyes here, I opened my eyes and I was in the most beautiful place.
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It was like a realm of this magnificent color that looked like an opal.
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It was a living color.
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I'm going to try to describe it, but just know that I'm going to do my best, but I still
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can't do it justice.
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So if you close your eyes and you just picture an opal, an opal has fire to it and it is a
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multi-dimensional gem and it like turns different colors, so it was like, I was seeing lavender,
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I was seeing some kind of like a gray, I was seeing like a fiery orange color.
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And in this place, it was like the room was round, but without a door, no windows that
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I saw, I was just instantly there.
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To my left, I see three very, very tall, ethereal, what I recognize as angels, and I'm five
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foot so in actuality, they were much, much taller, seven or eight feet.
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Very strong, looked very human-like, but without skin, without features like we have, and they're
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very, very, I guess I would say like powerful.
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I guess they're translucent so I can see through them and they're a bluish color, a very, very
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like an electric bluish hue.
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I can see right through them and one extended its hand to me.
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I couldn't see whether they were male or female per se, but the one that extended its hand
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to me seemed like a masculine presence.
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And I immediately swatted his hand away and I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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I felt like I went with them that I was going to stay wherever I was, which I call this
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place heaven, I call this place paradise.
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Like this was, it was a small, I was only seeing a small section of it, but it was more beautiful
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than any beautiful experiences I've had on earth combined.
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I believe that I wanted to, I'm immediately thinking, yes, I'm dying and in this moment,
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no, no, no, I don't want to live.
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I want to be with my children.
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And that was still the way that I felt.
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Now at this time, I, like I said, I was struggling with a lot of depression.
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So I even in the days leading up to this had been saying things and even telling people
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and, and, and ruminating on these, these suicidal ideas and that I would be better off and my
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family would be better off and, and the pain that I was feeling was too great.
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And then when I was in the throes of it, I realized, no, no, no, that's not what I want.
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That's not at all what I want.
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I want to live.
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I want to enjoy my life.
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I want to live differently as I'm, you know, was, was dying.
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And then now in this, so immediately in front of me, Eric, I don't, I don't know the measurements.
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Okay.
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So I'm saying like eight, seven, eight feet tall.
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I don't know the measurements.
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I mean, there was no measurement stick, but I perceive the presence in front of me to
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be a hundred feet tall.
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This very, it was a spirit.
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I could not see it, but I could feel the presence.
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And there was this powerful love just radiating from this presence.
238
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And the first thing that comes to my mind is I'm feeling all of that love.
239
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:06,000
And the first thing that comes to my mind is thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice on
240
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,000
the cross.
241
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:14,720
I'd always been a believer, not really active or practicing my faith, but that was the first
242
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:15,720
thing.
243
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:20,320
And then I, when I tried to talk, I didn't actually need to speak.
244
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:24,800
It immediately transmitted like from my mind outward.
245
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:29,680
I knew that this power was like a million volts of electricity.
246
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:35,800
Like this was so powerful that I could have spontaneously combusted in this presence.
247
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,300
Okay.
248
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,880
I've got a million questions.
249
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:43,440
So we're going to, we're going to take us, why pause and we're going to cut, you remember
250
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,360
exactly where you were right there.
251
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,080
I want to go kind of from there backwards.
252
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:53,440
So this hundred foot presence is different than the three other seven to eight foot beings
253
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,440
that you saw, right?
254
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,440
Yes.
255
00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:04,360
Do you have an idea of, well, in your mind, who do you think this big presence was?
256
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,860
The Father.
257
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:11,000
So the thought was, thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice on the cross.
258
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,880
This is the Father.
259
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,800
And what exactly did you see with him?
260
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,560
I was not seeing him per se, because he's spirit.
261
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:26,920
And I was seeing through him, but I could feel the love just emanating.
262
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:32,600
And it was so powerful that it's not just simply like, I mean, if you've ever stood
263
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,520
close to an electrical transformer and you felt that energy kind of humming out of it.
264
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,520
Yeah.
265
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,600
You can actually feel it even though you can't see it.
266
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:42,600
Yeah.
267
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,080
So I was like, multiply that infinitely.
268
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,200
I was saying, please, please, I want to go back.
269
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,620
Please let me go back.
270
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:50,620
Please let me.
271
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:55,440
And I was having this conversation that was very on my side.
272
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,960
I was frantic.
273
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:04,080
I was so upset with myself that I had found myself in this situation, that I had made
274
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,520
the choices that led up to this.
275
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:15,240
And the presence was just so calm, and I felt so safe and so loved, realizing like, I've
276
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,880
never even known love.
277
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,640
And now I'm in front of it.
278
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,920
You know, I'm saying, please, let me go back.
279
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,960
Let me go back.
280
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,920
Immediately, we're in another environment.
281
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:34,600
The second environment is, I always turn my body as I tell my story.
282
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,600
That's okay.
283
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,520
It's like I'm living it.
284
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:44,600
And in front of me, among some kind of platform, and I'm looking at millions of people.
285
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,760
I don't know how many people.
286
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,680
And his presence is right next to me.
287
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,680
And I say, what do I do?
288
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,840
Because all these people are just looking at me.
289
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,840
And they're looking up like, just wait.
290
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,840
I don't know what for.
291
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,560
And they're all standing very close together.
292
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,520
I remember that their arms and their shoulders were touching.
293
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,320
And I saw every nationality.
294
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,800
And nobody was separate.
295
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:16,600
Like it was just a huge group of human beings by the millions, standing there waiting, all
296
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,640
dressed the same.
297
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:23,920
I just, I lean into his presence and say, what do I do?
298
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,760
And his response was simple.
299
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,040
He said, love them.
300
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,880
Who do you think they were?
301
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,960
And what were they doing?
302
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,360
They were just standing there waiting.
303
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,120
Waiting for what?
304
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:40,240
Waiting for me to say something, waiting for, you know, they were there on purpose.
305
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,320
I mean, these were living people on earth.
306
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,240
They weren't relatives that have passed or anything.
307
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,800
These were people that were alive.
308
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:48,960
And they're just waiting.
309
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:49,960
So I said, what do I do?
310
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,400
I guess that his answer was love them.
311
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,600
So I guess they were waiting for love.
312
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,200
I don't know.
313
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:03,360
But I agreed that I could do that and I said, well, what do I say?
314
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:07,040
And again, his response was simple, the truth.
315
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:14,560
And that felt very heavy to me, Eric, because the truth was ugly and how I ended up here
316
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,720
and embarrassing.
317
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:22,560
And so he could have said something else and I would have liked that answer probably more.
318
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,360
And he said the truth, so I agreed again.
319
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,760
And then I said, well, what do I need to change though?
320
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:38,400
And what I meant about that was I had led and came to this place struggling with so
321
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,880
much stuff.
322
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:47,520
And so I needed to know how I could magically change myself was what I was asking him.
323
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,960
And his response again, simple.
324
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,840
You can't change yourself.
325
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:53,840
Nothing.
326
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,200
But I knew that he was actually changing me.
327
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:02,400
Just being in that presence of love was transforming me.
328
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,480
I said, OK, all right, I'm looking at them.
329
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,680
I'm like, OK, OK.
330
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,080
I said, but where are they going to learn everything?
331
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,760
Because it seemed like they were waiting for something major.
332
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:16,760
Who am I?
333
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,760
You know what I'm saying?
334
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:18,760
Who am I?
335
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,440
I'm going to offer all of these individuals.
336
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,640
And he said, it's already inside of you.
337
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,800
And that was really a surprise.
338
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:32,000
Honestly, I was like, what?
339
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,120
So I said, OK, OK.
340
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:38,080
And I wanted to come back so badly to my children.
341
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,360
You know, a mother's love can be very, very powerful.
342
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:47,920
And yes, this was like the most bliss I've ever experienced.
343
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:53,400
But for me, I never, I did not want my babies, my children.
344
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,120
They were actually two of them were grown.
345
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,120
One was little.
346
00:21:56,120 --> 00:22:04,400
But I still didn't want them to know and have this painful memory of how their mom had expired.
347
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,240
And so I said, yes, I'm back in the first environment.
348
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:15,560
And this is the, I guess, the climax of the experience.
349
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:16,800
I'm standing in front of him.
350
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:23,080
I'm looking and it's like this room or wherever we were again, it's like I'm realizing that
351
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:29,720
as his spirit seems to shift, the room shifts with him and sink with him.
352
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,240
And it was amazing.
353
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,320
It was like it was an extension of him.
354
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:43,240
And then I am pulled like just pulled into his spirit.
355
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:50,280
And I'm somehow suspended in the air in his spirit.
356
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:56,600
And I'm looking around and I'm seeing other people are there too.
357
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,440
And they're not aware that they're within him.
358
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,640
They're just doing life.
359
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:06,120
So they're having regular daily activities, all of these different people, they're all
360
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,120
in him.
361
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:11,440
Again, living people, these were not deceased people.
362
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:17,880
And I, at that point, that's when I look at my hand and I see for the first time I've
363
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:24,040
looked at my body, like I knew I was in my body, but I hadn't just observed.
364
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,240
And at this point, I'm observing my body.
365
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:33,800
It's as though I can see the different layers of, so the layers of skin and then you have
366
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:39,240
the muscle, the tendon, the bone, and then looking further, I could see the cells.
367
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:47,440
I could see the atoms and I'm realizing that he's holding me together.
368
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:55,200
His power, his presence was somehow actually holding my being together.
369
00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:01,280
And I'm just speechless, obviously.
370
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,360
And I'm realizing I've never, ever been alone.
371
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,880
I've never, ever been going through all of this stuff by myself.
372
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:14,160
If he is literally holding me together, all those times that I cried and I wondered, like,
373
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,960
do you even care about me and what I go through here?
374
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:22,640
Like, as a believer, am I supposed to have some, like, relationship with you?
375
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,200
And it's like that, I don't, do you even know me?
376
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,800
You know, do you even know I exist?
377
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,360
Yes, he knows that we exist.
378
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:42,000
He knew I existed and he was literally what was holding me together at the atomic level.
379
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,960
Same for all of these people in him.
380
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:48,800
And I'm seeing that even though we look separate right now, Eric, and you're there and I'm
381
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:55,840
here, we're actually all connected in a very spiritual and supernatural way.
382
00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:03,120
And so I'm understanding also the impact of everything that I do and how it could affect
383
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:10,640
others and vice versa and how paramount love is, his power is love.
384
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:18,360
And so I'm understanding that when I'm acting in a coordinates with a divine love, there's
385
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,400
a power behind that.
386
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:29,520
I'm seeing that things that happened to me in my past, which I considered showstoppers,
387
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,480
horrific tragedies.
388
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:40,680
I'm seeing that there was this bigger purpose being woven through those experiences.
389
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,680
And so I had compassion on the people who hurt me.
390
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:51,720
I'm having more than just like regular compassion or pity, like deep compassion on people who
391
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,720
had hurt me in my life.
392
00:25:54,720 --> 00:26:00,160
And there's just this healing that's taking place inside my being as I'm inside them,
393
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:08,680
like a fusion, you know, like an emergence, a fusion, whatever, a verbiage.
394
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:13,720
But it was healing the pain that was in me.
395
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:18,160
I'm just, it's the most pleasurable feeling that I've ever had.
396
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:24,760
And I was, I considered myself an apps for sure a pleasure seeker and I would seek it
397
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,520
through various ways.
398
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,080
And a lot of those ways were dangerous, lots of different things.
399
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,000
And I can use your imagination.
400
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,160
But I'm realizing that this is the pleasure I've always been seeking and that there's
401
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,840
nothing nursing that's more pleasurable than this.
402
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,880
Now, when you say then this, is that the feeling of his love?
403
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,040
Is that what you're getting at?
404
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,480
Yes.
405
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,840
Was there anything else that happened before it ended?
406
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:54,840
No.
407
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:55,840
Okay.
408
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,040
Tell me how it ended.
409
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:07,440
It felt like I was pressed back into my body and I took a deep breath.
410
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,200
But way deeper than that.
411
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:16,320
And I was, I was open my eyes and I say, I'm alive.
412
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,760
I'm alive.
413
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,720
Love is the answer.
414
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,240
Jesus is real.
415
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:27,120
This was a, a paramount moment for me where something that I had always believed since
416
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:30,320
like childhood became real.
417
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,120
It was just, it was just a book and stories before this.
418
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,120
I'm sorry.
419
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:40,680
I didn't mean to be disrespectful to anyone's faith at all, but I am the type of person
420
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:48,200
who I guess I was like, because it was a book I couldn't even read the Bible is the book
421
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,360
I'm talking about.
422
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:50,360
I couldn't even read it.
423
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:53,120
It didn't even make sense to me before this.
424
00:27:53,120 --> 00:28:02,720
And it was just, I didn't, I didn't feel a connection to the standard Western churches
425
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:03,880
that I had visited.
426
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:04,880
And I visited a lot.
427
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:13,240
I've, you know, I've seen, and before this I had always wanted to like find the truth,
428
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:21,000
but maybe had really high expectations from the human beings in those places, you know.
429
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,400
All right.
430
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,640
Let's go back and dissect a bunch of this.
431
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,280
Now, tell me about the angels.
432
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:31,640
You describe them as bluish and translucent, which is really cool.
433
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:35,960
I almost called them the blue angels, but then I know that's a whole different thing.
434
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:40,640
So is there any way you can describe that any further?
435
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,360
No, I don't think so.
436
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,880
Any idea what angels these were?
437
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,840
Oh, I think they were guardian angels.
438
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,000
And there was, it was like, I kind of knew them.
439
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:59,400
It was definitely like they knew me, but just the fact that I was just so personal, like
440
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,280
when I was like, no, it was like, I knew them.
441
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,320
I don't know how else to describe them.
442
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:12,440
So I have wondered if they were guardian angels or perhaps just angels that had been assigned
443
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,120
to me that I don't really know where they're my whole life or something.
444
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,120
It was like they have known me.
445
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,200
It was like they had brought me there.
446
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:21,200
Okay.
447
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:25,600
You talked about this really beautiful place with living color.
448
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:26,600
Describe this again.
449
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,440
Well, it was just like a room or a gigantic world.
450
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,080
What was it like?
451
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:36,520
More like a room, a very large round room.
452
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:37,520
Okay.
453
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,440
And I like the description with the opalescence.
454
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:46,360
I can picture that because as you look at an opal, yeah, you see different colors in
455
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:47,600
it, right?
456
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,240
Yes.
457
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:54,440
But you described the colors as living, which is even more than that.
458
00:29:54,440 --> 00:30:00,000
The paint here in the room around me is not moving as you can see.
459
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,800
It's what is like a flat color.
460
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,280
But this where I was was very, it was shimmering.
461
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:16,720
It was this dynamic, like changing living thing that literally like was mesmerizing.
462
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,120
That helps me picture it just a little bit better.
463
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,120
Cool.
464
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:25,560
So living it by calling it living, that means it was changing.
465
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:32,520
It was almost, I'm not going to say breathing, but it was had some kind of animation to it.
466
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,240
All right.
467
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:35,240
Very cool stuff.
468
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:39,920
Now, I want to talk about your pleading to be able to come back.
469
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:45,200
I love this because yes, mothers have superpowers.
470
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,680
Maybe even changing God's mind about something.
471
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:48,680
Maybe.
472
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,600
I don't know.
473
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:57,800
But I talked to so many people that tell me, I didn't want to come back because it was
474
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,160
so wonderful there.
475
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:04,840
And they were sort of told, yeah, you have to until they agreed to.
476
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,360
Others are just flat out given the choice.
477
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,040
You want to go back, you want to stay.
478
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:14,480
And I love how yours was different and that all of these are different.
479
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:21,200
Did you feel like, well, this being extended his hand to you.
480
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:25,200
So did you feel like you were meant to stay there?
481
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,960
But then you threw up the, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone here.
482
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:29,960
I'm going back.
483
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,240
That's a good way to put it.
484
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,360
I wouldn't have been there if it wasn't an option, right?
485
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,800
They would have just taken me somewhere else.
486
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:45,440
So my prayer in my head as I was dying was, please God, don't let me die.
487
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:52,040
And I also was thinking in my mind as I was dying, no, no, no, this doesn't have to be
488
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,600
the way it goes.
489
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,680
Death in my mind was an option.
490
00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:05,120
If I could just get in front of God, I could ask him if I could come back.
491
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,120
It doesn't make sense when I'm trying to tell it.
492
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:11,600
It didn't make sense then, but it's definitely what was happening within me.
493
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,240
That makes sense to me.
494
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Tell me more about us being all connected.
495
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,360
How does that work?
496
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:23,600
This is just the coolest part to me of the experience was, was seeing how beautiful his
497
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,320
people are and how much he loves them.
498
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:33,720
And he has constructed us to be designed where the way that we treat each other actually
499
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,200
affects us like internally.
500
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:41,680
And when we are kind and loving and gentle with one another, it enifies us internally
501
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,640
because of this connection that's unseen.
502
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:51,600
So I guess it has to do with, if I could say, and I'm not a scholar, so forgive me if I
503
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,840
don't have a right verbage, but like quantum mechanics, right?
504
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:59,720
What happens over here causes an effect over here, right?
505
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:06,160
Have you ever heard of like spooky action from a distance or the butterfly effect?
506
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,480
So that's actually how we are.
507
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,280
And that's how quantum physics works.
508
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:15,960
And I'm not a scholar on it either, but it comes up all the time on this show.
509
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:20,160
So yes, it also ties in with a life review.
510
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:25,200
And I don't think you use the term life review, but it sounded very much like one when you
511
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,480
were talking about how things that you did affected other people.
512
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,400
Was there more to it than that?
513
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,400
Yes.
514
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:38,480
There's a lot of very personal intimate details that I usually don't share, but I will say
515
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:39,480
this.
516
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:45,320
I was shown that I was looking at everything like I was a victim.
517
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:51,960
There were things that happened to me in early childhood that were horrific.
518
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:58,200
And but also some of them, there weren't even horrific, but they were damaging.
519
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:06,160
And so I had the wrong mindset, I looked at it like the world was this big scary place
520
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:12,560
and that I was a victim instead of that I had overcome and lived through these things.
521
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:17,080
And I was, I was a strong person.
522
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:25,520
And these things that happened were, were not okay, but that they also weren't everything.
523
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:29,960
You know, I was giving them a lot of weight where I didn't have to.
524
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,080
I can choose to, but I don't have to.
525
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:38,360
I wasn't necessarily showing things that I did to other people, but these were the things
526
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,160
that I was shown in this environment.
527
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:41,160
Right.
528
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:49,000
And, and it made a huge impact on me because still to this day, I think sometimes people
529
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,240
will say or do something and all, you know, kind of get like, I give my feelings hurt
530
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,160
really easily.
531
00:34:55,160 --> 00:35:03,400
And it would be so a matter of me learning how to protect my heart, you know, and not
532
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:09,360
allow everyone to speak into my life, not allow, not, not take for granted that everyone
533
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:15,120
else knows something I don't and that they're the authority on this or that.
534
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,280
Or if you don't have saying, does that resonate?
535
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:19,280
Yeah.
536
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:20,760
Yeah, that does.
537
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:26,440
You also mentioned the healing that came from, I believe you said from the father, explain
538
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:27,960
that a little bit.
539
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:28,960
Absolutely.
540
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:34,160
Again, with, with these things that happened in childhood, I was wounded.
541
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:39,440
What happens when we're wounded is that we start seeking relief and I was seeking relief
542
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:46,280
and I was having this understanding and I have had it since I was actually not, it's
543
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:47,920
not that I was a drug addict.
544
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:54,800
It was that I was a hurt person seeking relief from pain and pain that I had not acknowledged
545
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,400
and not that there's a way to acknowledge it that I knew about.
546
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:04,560
It's not that I was preferring not to acknowledge it, but I was stuffing things down and so
547
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:08,520
it was just manifesting as these other behaviors.
548
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:15,600
So when I came back, the desire to behave like that was gone because his love had filled
549
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,440
those, those places like in me.
550
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,080
Let's talk about those desires a little bit.
551
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,560
You had been an addict prior.
552
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:30,640
Were you immediately healed from that when you came back or did you have to go through
553
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,040
steps and therapy and all kinds of things to get healed?
554
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,600
Immediately healed.
555
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,800
Immediately healed to the point when I tried to go back and do it again, I got violently
556
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:40,800
sick.
557
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,440
What a blessing that is.
558
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:47,120
Wow, how do you bottle that up and give that to other people?
559
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:52,160
If there's a way I want to know and I want to do it because I had struggled with addiction
560
00:36:52,160 --> 00:37:00,360
and addiction was such a, like I would get months, days, sometimes years totally free
561
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:06,800
or what I thought was totally free of abstinence from drugs and then it would kind of lead
562
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:07,800
back to it.
563
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:13,400
And I'll tell you, even when I came back, Eric, like just my mind, it was so part of
564
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,880
my mind.
565
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,640
It was what all of my friends did.
566
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,560
It's what my associates did.
567
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:19,960
It's what we all did.
568
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,720
And I think that's very, very common for people in that lifestyle.
569
00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:27,560
It's like when you, even when you do get a level of freedom or even if you get totally
570
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,640
free, it's a matter of then rebuilding your life.
571
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:36,240
And sometimes people don't get to come with you because they're not ready to leave that
572
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:43,640
lifestyle and because they didn't have this experience, I could drag them as far as I
573
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:44,640
could.
574
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:49,560
But it was also in the aftermath of this, it was somewhat sad.
575
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:56,160
I also find it interesting in the big picture here that you were in kind of a suicidal sort
576
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,320
of place.
577
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:04,320
You went to this wonderful place with immense outpouring of love like you had never felt
578
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,320
before.
579
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,440
Yet you wanted to come back here.
580
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,440
Something changed.
581
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,280
Some kind of switch and you flipped.
582
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:12,600
Oh yeah, definitely.
583
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,520
And I'm so glad I'm back.
584
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:20,640
It's been six years and there's not a day that goes by that I don't have this moment
585
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:27,400
of absolute deep gratitude every day.
586
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:32,760
Sometimes it'll be when I wake up and I hear my, I'll get emotional if I start to talk
587
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,760
about this, you know.
588
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,920
If I hear my daughter's voice and she says, mom, you know, and it's just like it'll hit
589
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:39,920
me in that moment.
590
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:44,800
Sometimes it's when I lay down at night and I have a blanket to pull up over myself and
591
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,680
I'm cozy under the covers and I'm like, I got it mother whole day.
592
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,000
It's just so amazing.
593
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:56,600
And since this experience, Eric, my life doesn't look like the success that it was.
594
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:00,000
In fact, I've lost everything.
595
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,640
So it's this experience, all of the material stuff.
596
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:10,400
I got fired about 30 days after the experience for talking about the experience at work.
597
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,720
I got fired for it and I had never even, I was always the, I never got ridden up at
598
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:15,720
work.
599
00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:20,440
So suddenly I keep getting fired from different jobs and lost everything, you know, we're
600
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:25,480
only had the clothes on my back, a suitcase, had to give everything away, chose to give
601
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,320
everything away, whatever you want to look at it, right?
602
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,880
See that, that mindset can still prevent.
603
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:37,600
So multiple times continuously rebuilding, but there's this joy inside of me, this bliss
604
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,960
inside of me that, that doesn't go away.
605
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,560
And so even through all of the hardship that I've been through over the last six years,
606
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:49,620
there's never been a point where it seemed like a good idea to just go back to the other
607
00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:50,800
way of living.
608
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:51,800
Never.
609
00:39:51,800 --> 00:40:00,120
It's like the, the very things that I used to enjoy doing, they seem so useless and worthless
610
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:01,920
to me now.
611
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,440
And what I mean by that, not, not the good things I enjoy doing, I'm talking about the
612
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,920
bad things, the harmful things, the behaviors that I mentioned.
613
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:09,920
Yeah.
614
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:11,920
The things you enjoy have changed.
615
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,280
Yes.
616
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:18,880
And as we were talking earlier, your children, grandchild, huge part of your life.
617
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,160
Yeah.
618
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,960
How else have your priorities changed?
619
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:30,000
I think fundamentally I'm very similar, but well, but everything shifted.
620
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:35,680
So I don't enjoy, because my perspective has changed on a lot of things.
621
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:40,080
I don't, one thing like being in cells, right?
622
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,120
Technology cells, it's a very competitive business.
623
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:49,960
And now it seems like I don't have the desire to do what I used to do to have, to make those
624
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:50,960
cells, right?
625
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:55,960
You know, I don't have the selfish ambition, which I always thought was the best thing
626
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,040
a person can have, right?
627
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,240
Work until you're old and work until your body gives out.
628
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:06,600
That was kind of my mentality before, but now it's like, let's just rest.
629
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:07,600
Let's just be together.
630
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,040
Let's have conversations.
631
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,160
Let's go deeper than the surface level.
632
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:13,320
It seems like my filters are gone.
633
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:19,240
So throughout our life, every single one of us, we adopt filters.
634
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:27,640
And that's going to be relative to everything in our life, our speech patterns, our priorities.
635
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:32,520
And so we learn along the way, oh, you don't say this in this environment.
636
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,920
And then we learn filters like time.
637
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:39,840
A lot of us have the filter of money is very important.
638
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,280
And so all of those filters are gone.
639
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:50,760
So I used to be super controlling about planning things and being on time and just da da da
640
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:51,760
da da.
641
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:59,720
And now it's like in the easy, an easy living, a restful heart set, you know, heart posture.
642
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:02,760
I'm not nearly as emotionally driven.
643
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,600
I was extremely emotionally driven the first time around.
644
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:07,600
Motions are good.
645
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,880
We shouldn't be zombies.
646
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:15,480
But I was emotionally driven and that took me to the dark place of being suicidal, right?
647
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,520
Because everything, my emotions mattered more than facts back then.
648
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,080
You also mentioned that you were searching for truth.
649
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,640
Do you feel like you found it?
650
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:25,640
Yes.
651
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,400
What is it?
652
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:28,560
It's Jesus.
653
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:29,560
It's Jesus.
654
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,240
God is love.
655
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:36,040
And the Christian faith had been presented to me as like a list of rules.
656
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,040
Don't do this.
657
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,040
Don't do that.
658
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,040
You better do this.
659
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,040
You must.
660
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,480
You should, you should, you should.
661
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:51,280
Where after this experience, it's completely a spiritual, supernatural relationship where
662
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:57,160
I am experiencing the glory and the love on a daily basis.
663
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:03,880
And yes, it's still biblical, but there isn't a person shouting at me now.
664
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:07,800
I'm led by the spirit every day, you know?
665
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,520
It's very different than what I thought it was about.
666
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,320
That's beautifully said.
667
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,160
You've done a great job with your life.
668
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,160
Ha ha.
669
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:20,920
I can tell how happy you are and it is just, it's just wonderful.
670
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,840
And thanks for being with me today.
671
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,080
Yeah, absolutely.
672
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,480
Thank you.
673
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,280
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
674
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:35,360
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath.com.
675
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:39,640
If you want to share your near death experience or if you have questions or comments about
676
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,960
the show, send an email to Eric at roundtripdeath.com.
677
00:43:43,960 --> 00:44:13,760
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.
