Transcript
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From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
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They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
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And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
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physical body because I was somewhere else.
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The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
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anything else to be felt.
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I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
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I'm back home again.
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Incredibly safe and felt at home.
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Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody, and welcome from Seattle, Washington.
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Tessa Kidd, how are you, Tessa?
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I'm well, thank you.
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How are you?
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I'm great.
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Before we find out a little bit about you, I'm going to just give a little tease out
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there.
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We're going to hear about, wow, a horse falling on you, you being dead for about nine minutes.
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We have a lot to cover today, but first, let's get to know you so we know you're a real person.
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Who's Tessa?
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What do you do?
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I am a contract manager for an asphalting company here in Seattle.
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I have a leather shop, actually.
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I am a master saddler, so on my spare time, I make handbags and holsters, knife sheets,
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all sorts of stuff.
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I don't do it for a living anymore because I stopped liking it, so I only do it for a
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hobby now.
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I ride power bikes with my husband, and we have a lot of fun doing that.
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We travel all over riding our e-bikes.
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You don't ride horses anymore?
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I haven't ridden a horse in 25 years.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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We're going to hear about your last ride then.
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I don't know that I've ever heard the titled Master Saddler before.
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I went to school in Cumbria, England to learn how to do leather.
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It was a saddle recourse, so I learned how to do it, and I used to own a tax store, an
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equestrian store, after my accident.
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That's what I ended up doing for a really long time.
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I did leather repair at all the horse shows.
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Well, let's jump right into it.
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25 years ago, you're working a lot with horses.
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Set the stage.
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Tell us what was going on.
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I was cooling down my horse, just riding in a ring on long rain.
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My horse was pretty green.
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He was four-year-old, Dutch warm blood.
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Something spooked him.
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I don't even know what spooked him.
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It could have been anything.
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As he spooked instead of bolting, he reared up, and I started grabbing from my reins and
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pulled him over backwards on me.
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But before he landed on me, I popped out of my, right out of the top of my head.
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I never felt the impact of the horse actually landing on me.
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I want to talk about that first, that little detail.
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Because this has come up before, and I don't know if it happens every time.
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But I've had other people tell me about whether it was a horrible traffic accident or something
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really, really traumatic, going off a cliff or something, how they popped out of their
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body before they had to experience the impact.
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I find that fascinating.
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It sounds like that's what happened to you.
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Yeah.
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I didn't even know what was happening.
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I knew that the horse was coming over backwards.
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But when I popped out of my head, right out of the top, I was kind of bewildered.
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Not really bewildered, but I was like, oh.
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But I instantly had this feeling of vibration kind of going through my body.
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I wasn't in my body, but the body, my ethereal body or whatever you want to call it, my spirit,
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I had this really pleasant vibration.
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I explain it to people when I talk about it, like electricity going through my body, but
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not painful or anything like that.
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Just a really nice vibration.
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It's actually, I contributed to knowing what the feeling of true, pure love is now.
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I've only felt it one other time after this, but I just popped out and was kind of like,
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oh, and I was looking around and I saw the horse get up and I saw something happening
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down on the ground.
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I wasn't really high.
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I was maybe like 15 feet above the accident.
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And I just didn't really care at all.
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I was really happy just to be kind of floating around.
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Then I noticed my dog.
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I had a little Australian shepherd.
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She was wonderful.
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She had been sitting at the gate just watching me go around and watching me cool down.
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She was literally in my left hand.
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She was always with me.
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And I saw that she was really upset and she had run over to my body.
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Was kind of getting on top of me and I could see people running.
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The Los Angeles Questering Center is a huge equestrian center.
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There was like 5,000 horses there.
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There's a lot of people around.
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And I just saw people kind of run into my body and they kind of were pushing the dog
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away.
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I didn't really care.
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I was just okay.
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I was okay with being out of my body.
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I was okay with what was happening.
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I didn't really, I don't think I really understood what was actually happening.
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And then obviously somebody called an ambulance and the paramedics showed up and they loaded
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me into the ambulance.
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One thing that was really, is very memorable is everything was super, super clear.
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Like the colors, the blue sky, it was like crazy, super clear colors.
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And that's something that I'll also address as I get farther in with seeing somebody's
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eyes.
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Can you tell me a little bit more about the colors?
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What do you mean by they were extra clear?
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Colors that I had never seen before.
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Colors I've never seen since.
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It was the intensity of what I was viewing.
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Like my dog was a tricolor dog, but she was exceptionally colored.
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I can't even explain it.
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And everything that was alive, the trees, all the people, my dog, the horse.
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Everything had like a fuzzy aura around it, almost like an energy field that was around
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it.
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And I forgot to mention that earlier as well.
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But the colors, just, I can't even explain it.
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Just colors I've never seen before that I was like, oh, wow, it was amazing actually.
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Just can't explain them.
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Do you feel like you were still right there looking down on your body when you're experiencing
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all these colors or had you gone somewhere?
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Nope, I was still there.
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I was kind of hovering and vibrating still.
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I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular.
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Normally, if I saw my dog that upset, I would be like really bothered by that to see my
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pet upset like that.
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I didn't.
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I was just like, you know, it's okay.
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It's everything's going to be fine.
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I am where I need to be.
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You know, in my head, I'm like, this is where I need to be, you know.
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Sorry, by the way, how badly are you hurt?
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I broke my nose, my jaw, all my teeth were broken.
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If not broken, they were damaged.
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So all my teeth have all been replaced.
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There are implants or crowns, one or the other.
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I broke some front ribs, some ribs in the front.
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My a lot of my organs were bruised, my heart was bruised, my lungs were bruised, punctured
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lung, hurt my neck really bad still to this day is awful.
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I was in the hospital for three weeks, just under three weeks.
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My jaw was wired shut for eight weeks.
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That was the worst.
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And the ribs, the rib, having broken ribs is awful.
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Yeah.
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How do you even breathe?
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You told me previously that you were dead for about nine minutes.
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Was that measured at that point or was that later in the hospital?
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I think it was measured.
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So this is all after somebody told me this.
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So I could see and I could see people trying to, before the paramedics got there, I could
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see people trying to work on me.
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I don't think they were comfortable doing CPR or anything like that, but you could see
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that there was a lot happening down there.
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But when the paramedics got there, they started to work on me, do CPR.
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And I didn't feel anything.
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Obviously, I wasn't in my body and I didn't care.
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I was like, okay.
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As they got me into the ambulance, I rode in the ambulance above my body, kind of in
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the corner, and they were still working on me trying to get me revived.
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I was not moving.
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And I don't really remember anything of my, any kind of pain or anything like that.
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But I was still vibrating with this crazy, crazy love vibration.
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I was very happy.
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I was like not worried about anything.
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And as the ambulance got closer to the hospital, I started to get pulled away and I could feel
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myself being pulled away.
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I was pulled away backwards from, I just went right through the ambulance and I entered
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into this space of, it was darkness.
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It was dark.
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It was fully dark.
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Like I couldn't see anything.
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It wasn't unpleasant at all.
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It was really wonderful actually.
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I was very happy.
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And I just kept pulling away.
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And as I entered this kind of space or this tube, this black tube, this dark tube, I went
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faster and faster and faster, kind of like on a roller coaster.
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And I kind of remember myself going, woohoo.
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And then all of a sudden, I was in front of a woman, an old woman.
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And she had a beautiful purple cloak on.
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She had intensely blue eyes.
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Like it's like I could swim in them.
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They were so blue.
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I've never seen blue eyes like that before.
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And she told me, but she didn't like speak to me.
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She in my head, she said, Tessa, you have to go back.
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And I said, I don't, I'm not going to go back.
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I don't want to go back.
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She said, no, you have to go back.
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And as this was happening, I could feel this energy, this being, this person kind of come
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up on my right hand side as I, and I could feel the vibration before I saw it.
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It was just this big giant ball of white light.
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And I turned and it was, and this is where some people get put off, but it was Jesus
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Christ.
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And right now thinking about it, I have like the goosebumps thinking about it.
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The energy that came from him was pure love because I could feel it.
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And as I turned to him, I really didn't know what to say.
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And he turned to me as if a big ball of light could turn to me and said, you have not learned
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how to forgive and you have to go back.
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And I was slammed back into my body.
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Okay.
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All right, we got to pick this apart a little bit.
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Tell me more about the woman.
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Did you recognize, do you have any idea who she was?
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Well, I do now.
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I knew, I know now.
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Then I just knew I knew her.
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There was a familiarity with her that I just knew her.
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Like we had love to get.
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Like she was, I had love for her.
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She had love for me.
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It was very obvious.
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It was a long time afterwards because I didn't really talk about this much for a really long
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time.
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By the way, her name, how I knew her name, I don't know.
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Her name was Gladys.
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I had never met a Gladys before, but as I started opening up later, years later about
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my experience, my mom told me that I had a great aunt Gladys, her aunt, my great aunt
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that used to babysit me when I was very, very, very young.
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I don't remember her, but as a baby, she used to babysit me.
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So I kind of asked about, well, what did she look like?
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And my mom just, she was really uncomfortable talking about this.
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My mom was.
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So we didn't really, I didn't push the issue, but when I said the name Gladys, that's when
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she was like, oh, well you had a great aunt Gladys and she told me a little bit about it.
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And she had, most people in my family don't have blue eyes, but she had very blue eyes,
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which was unusual for anybody in my family to have.
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So I'm pretty sure that is probably my great aunt that met me there.
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Did you ever find a picture of her?
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I didn't.
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I didn't want to push the issue.
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Yeah.
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Well, a lot of people are uncomfortable talking about these things.
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Yeah.
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I'm good for you for being sensitive about that.
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Yeah.
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It'd be neat if you could figure out how to find a picture of her sometime though and
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see if you recognize her.
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The other thing I find peculiar about that is most people tell me that when they meet
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people in that spiritual realm that they seem younger.
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They seem like 20s, 30s kind of age, but you describe Gladys as an old woman.
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How old would you say she appeared to you?
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She was probably 70s, 80s.
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She was very wrinkled.
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She was very pretty.
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00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,640
Don't get me wrong.
245
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:13,560
Those eyes though were an attribute to her that was like you can never forget that.
246
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:14,560
But she was old.
247
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,200
I would say she's 70s, 80s.
248
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:23,120
She was wrinkly, but she was really pretty, very, very kind, very like the energy coming
249
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,480
from her, like I said, was just love.
250
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:32,320
That's how I knew her just by the energy coming from her.
251
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,800
That's so interesting on so many levels.
252
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,680
I mean, one, because she appeared old.
253
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,680
Two, why Aunt Gladys?
254
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:47,560
Why not Grandma Velma or Grandpa Henry?
255
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,800
Let me think back.
256
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,600
My grandparents, I think we're still alive back then.
257
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:57,640
I probably didn't know very many people in my lifetime that had passed away.
258
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,840
My uncle died.
259
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:02,720
I think he died after this as well.
260
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:09,360
Even thinking right now, there was just nobody that I knew about that had passed.
261
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,320
She passed away how long before you had your experience?
262
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,200
She passed away when I was a baby.
263
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,200
Okay.
264
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:20,320
But she did take care of you some as a baby.
265
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,120
Yeah.
266
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,040
So there's a connection, at least to her?
267
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,560
I guess so, yeah.
268
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,000
And there was definitely a connection with me as well.
269
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,040
I immediately was drawn to her.
270
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,920
Do you believe that we lived before we came here?
271
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:35,920
I do, yes.
272
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:40,600
Yeah, I believe in many lives.
273
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,960
And I didn't before this.
274
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,520
Maybe you and her were good buddies prior to coming here.
275
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,080
Yeah, maybe.
276
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:52,920
Just a brief interruption here to mention our sponsor, Smart Labels.
277
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281
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282
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283
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284
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285
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:25,360
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286
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,000
Now, back to the guest.
287
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,080
I've looked into spirituality since then.
288
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,040
Not necessarily religion, but spirituality.
289
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:39,920
Some people say that you pretty much stay in the same family as you reincarnate.
290
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:44,040
That's your family group, I guess, but maybe.
291
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,480
I don't know.
292
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,480
That's okay.
293
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,280
I have lots of opinions on lots of things here.
294
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,320
All right, let's get to the ball of light.
295
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,080
Did you say there were two?
296
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,200
There was two balls of light.
297
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,080
The nearest one to me was, like I said, it was Jesus Christ.
298
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:07,760
Then there was one on the other side of him that also radiated this crazy love energy as
299
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:08,760
well.
300
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:14,400
I don't know who it was, but somebody that's high up there.
301
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:20,760
It's interesting because it was a ball of light, but it was a person to me.
302
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,160
He was a being, but he wasn't a human being.
303
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,720
He was just an energy of a human.
304
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,040
Why do you think he didn't appear like a human?
305
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,640
I don't know.
306
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,520
Again, speculation's okay here.
307
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:38,960
I don't know because Gladys was a human.
308
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,960
She presented herself as a person.
309
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:50,480
I don't know if I've ever heard of anybody else seeing a ball of light as energy.
310
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:55,160
Maybe you've spoken to a lot more people about it than I have.
311
00:18:55,160 --> 00:19:01,160
The funny thing was, he was a big ball of light, much larger than me, but still not
312
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,000
intimidating or anything like that.
313
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:11,520
Of course, he radiated pure love, which I cannot wait to feel that again.
314
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,160
It was an amazing feeling.
315
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:19,160
That's when I realized that what love was.
316
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,720
I never knew what love was.
317
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:27,400
I always thought love was a feeling, and it's not.
318
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,400
It's an energy.
319
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,080
It's a vibration.
320
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,840
You're a listener of this podcast.
321
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,880
You've heard lots of other episodes, so you probably know what's coming right now.
322
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:43,920
I need you to try to explain to me a little bit better what did that love feel like?
323
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,600
You just said it's more than a feeling.
324
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,080
It's energy.
325
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,160
I need more than that.
326
00:19:50,160 --> 00:20:01,300
It is like a low voltage electricity penetrating through my entire body, but electricity not
327
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,400
like it hurts.
328
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,480
It's just like a vibration.
329
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:12,080
I felt it from the second I left my body until the second I got back in my body, and then
330
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,560
it was gone.
331
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,400
I don't know if I can even put it into words.
332
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:23,400
It was something that is everywhere.
333
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,320
It was everywhere.
334
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:31,520
Even when I was hovering over my body and the horse at the ring still, the energy was
335
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:37,080
coming from the trees and the animals and the building.
336
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:44,280
Everything was radiating at this higher level of vibration, which makes me think that everything
337
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,480
is energy now.
338
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,040
But I don't know if I can put it into words, Eric.
339
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,040
It's really difficult.
340
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:59,120
It just is a very pleasant, amazing feeling that I just can't wait to hopefully experience
341
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,360
again at some point.
342
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,960
Thank you for trying.
343
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,480
How did you know this ball of light was Jesus?
344
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,960
I don't know, because I did not believe in anything.
345
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,920
I didn't believe in God at that point.
346
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,560
I didn't believe I was not religious.
347
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,080
I wasn't brought up religious.
348
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:22,240
I had never, I had tried to participate in reading the Bible, and I would go to church
349
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,720
with my friends.
350
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,000
I just never believed in anything.
351
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:34,200
A lot of my experiences with religion were negative for me when I would try to go to
352
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,520
church or something like that.
353
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:40,320
So I don't know, but I know for a fact that it was Jesus Christ.
354
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,240
I just know.
355
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,840
Has your feeling about religion changed since then?
356
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:46,840
Religion?
357
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:51,440
No, my feeling about religion hasn't changed, but my feeling about spirituality has changed.
358
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:59,440
I definitely, I seek to find that energy again.
359
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:06,280
Meditation is an important part of not my everyday life, but I do enjoy meditating.
360
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,400
I feel like it balances me.
361
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,160
I've dabbled in out-of-body experiences.
362
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,440
I've read a lot of books and had some success with that.
363
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,720
Since then, I did scare myself a couple of times doing that.
364
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,720
So be careful.
365
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,160
Yes, I realize that now.
366
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,440
Yeah, you have to be super careful.
367
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,840
What did it feel like coming back into your body?
368
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:36,240
Well, when he said that I have not yet learned how to forgive, and I know exactly what he
369
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,760
meant even right now thinking about it.
370
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:44,360
Right now, I still haven't learned how to forgive, but the second he said that, I was
371
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:51,040
literally slammed back in my body, and it was instant pain.
372
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,600
There was a lot happening around me.
373
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,280
I was out of the ambulance at that point.
374
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,800
I was on a bed in the emergency room.
375
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,000
There were people everywhere.
376
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,320
There was chaos, I would say.
377
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:11,640
Instantly when I landed back in my body, I felt like I was, it was too small.
378
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:19,560
My body was just too small, and I explained it like being in a wetsuit that's too tight,
379
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,000
too small, like going into a child-sized wetsuit.
380
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,120
It was like that for many, many months.
381
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:32,040
I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
382
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:36,160
Also the second that I slammed into my body, I was in instant pain agony.
383
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,560
I had never had pain like that before.
384
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,640
I'd never really been hurt in my life before.
385
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:46,440
I mean, maybe jammed a finger or stubbed a toe or something like that, but nothing to
386
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,040
this magnitude of pain.
387
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,920
It definitely made me realize that I was back.
388
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,240
I was really confused at that point.
389
00:23:56,240 --> 00:24:05,680
Nobody said anything to me about being dead until it was probably a couple of days.
390
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:13,000
One of the nurses had come into my room and she was super nice.
391
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,560
I started to tell her about what I experienced.
392
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,000
She goes, oh, we hear this stuff all the time.
393
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,680
She sat and listened to what I had told her.
394
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:28,880
She said, well, you know, because I had a head injury as well, obviously, with my face
395
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,600
and my teeth and everything.
396
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:38,120
She said that you were dead, clinically dead for nine minutes is what they counted.
397
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,800
They did paddle me to get me back.
398
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:45,000
She said that if there were, she's like, there's all sorts of groups out there that
399
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:50,720
you can go join and there's people like you that have these experiences.
400
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:55,400
I was really confused.
401
00:24:55,400 --> 00:25:00,040
I was really angry actually because I did not want to come back.
402
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:04,640
Even thinking back now, like, why would I not want to come back?
403
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:11,120
Everybody I love is here and I just did not have a desire to be in this world.
404
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:17,560
I wanted to stay and I didn't experience heaven or anything.
405
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:23,840
It was just that feeling that I really wanted to get back.
406
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,120
Yeah, we don't have that here.
407
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,640
No.
408
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:34,600
It's just something we get to deal with, but I can't imagine how hard that was for you.
409
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:39,240
You were feeling nothing but wonderful outside of your body.
410
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:43,640
I don't think it was the being, quote, slammed back in that hurt.
411
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:48,840
I think it was just the fact that all of a sudden you're in your body and you're feeling
412
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,720
all of that pain and trauma.
413
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,440
Yeah, my body was broken.
414
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,440
It definitely wasn't.
415
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,640
I agree with you.
416
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:04,080
It wasn't me going the slamming back in a box because I slammed back in.
417
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,960
I kind of feel like every once in a while I have a dream where I feel like I'm falling
418
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:17,160
and then I feel almost like I've just started to maybe get into a weird dream.
419
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,280
Maybe even have an out of body experience and then I drop back into my body suddenly.
420
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,360
It was that times a thousand.
421
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,360
I do agree with you.
422
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,440
I don't think it was the getting back in the body.
423
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,080
It was just the body itself that was so damaged.
424
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:34,680
Well, and the contrast from feeling wonderful to all of a sudden everything you're going
425
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,200
to feel, which was so much pain.
426
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,200
Okay.
427
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,800
How long did it take you to get better?
428
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,920
Give me an idea of what your recovery was like.
429
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:48,120
I've never ridden a horse since and I was a, I mean, I trained horses.
430
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:49,960
That was my life.
431
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,000
I just was done.
432
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,320
It took me through.
433
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,760
It took me through at least three weeks.
434
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:02,200
It was just under three weeks in the hospital, but it was months and months and months of
435
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,600
rehabilitation.
436
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:08,080
Just the fact of having my body, I was smushed.
437
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:13,720
Everything was smushed inside of my body and I was in so much pain for so long.
438
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:19,920
And then after like eight, eight or nine months, I just every day I felt better and better
439
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,320
and better and better.
440
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:26,320
So I would say probably a good year before I was up and moving around again and trying
441
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,800
to figure out, you know, what I was going to do with my life.
442
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:34,320
Cause my life had been from the time I was a young child until, you know, I was 25 years
443
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,120
old as I was a horse trainer.
444
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:37,080
I rode horses.
445
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,400
I lived, eat, breathe horses.
446
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:45,240
So it was about a year that I finally had to try to figure out what I was going to do.
447
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,440
For those of us that haven't been squished by a horse, give me an idea of how much that
448
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,440
horse weighed.
449
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,240
It's probably 1200 pounds.
450
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,860
And I, I rode English.
451
00:27:55,860 --> 00:28:00,160
So I didn't have a big Western saddle with that big horn in the front.
452
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,120
I was, I rode a hundred jumpers and dressage and three day venting.
453
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:05,480
So I was in an English saddle.
454
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:10,160
So luckily there was, I was not in a Western saddle that probably would have killed me.
455
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,160
Yeah.
456
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,400
He was probably 1200 pounds.
457
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,320
He was a good size horse.
458
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,160
And he was okay, I assume.
459
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,880
He was fine, turd.
460
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,520
And your dog?
461
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,200
My dog was fine as well.
462
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,840
I had a lot of friends that worked there obviously, cause that's where I worked, but, and they
463
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:32,000
took my dog home and cared for my dog until I got out.
464
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,520
And she was very happy to see me.
465
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,880
This is before you could bring your dog into the hospital.
466
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,520
And now we, we have a service dog.
467
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,000
We just take him everywhere we go.
468
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,000
So.
469
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,800
So you mentioned that you were told that you had to learn how to forgive.
470
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,880
Do you feel like you've done that?
471
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,880
No.
472
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,640
Every single, so I literally think about this experience every day of my life.
473
00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:02,560
And I, I want to forgive.
474
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,480
And I'll say in my head, you know, oh, I forgive.
475
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,480
And that's not only forgiving of the people that's forgiving myself, not that I'm a terrible
476
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,440
person or anything, but just forgiving myself.
477
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:13,560
I'm really hard on myself.
478
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,480
I'm my own worst enemy.
479
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,560
And I haven't, I don't think.
480
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,840
But I work on it every day.
481
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,000
I do meditation.
482
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,680
I work on forgiveness and forgiving other people.
483
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,920
Yeah, I don't think I have.
484
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,240
Cause I still have anger issues.
485
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:38,800
So my anger tends to, I'm not an angry person, but my anger tends to keep me from forgiveness,
486
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:46,280
I think, getting mad at my past, my childhood, things like that.
487
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,560
So do you have people from your childhood that you need to forgive still?
488
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:50,560
Oh yeah.
489
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:51,560
Yeah.
490
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:52,560
Yeah.
491
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:58,280
My parents, I have siblings that probably I need to forgive.
492
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:02,520
And that's probably where it stems from is my childhood.
493
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,560
It was, it wasn't hard.
494
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,760
It just was, I didn't receive love.
495
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:12,600
That is why I know what that feeling, that vibration was is because I had never experienced
496
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:13,920
that even in childhood.
497
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,880
Like I did not know what love was.
498
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,720
And I came back knowing exactly, exactly what love was.
499
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,200
So what else did you learn from this experience?
500
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:31,280
I learned that your soul is separate from this body.
501
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:35,880
And like I said earlier, I believe that we have, we reincarnate.
502
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:44,800
Come back as, to try it again, you know, so and that everybody has their own, their, everybody
503
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,600
is on their own journey.
504
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:53,320
And if I only have to do this one thing, learn how to forgive, it's not as easy as it sounds,
505
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,120
unfortunately, then what do other people have to do?
506
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,080
Like what are their, what's their destiny?
507
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,040
You know, and, and I always wonder like, if I learn how to forgive, am I just going to
508
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,760
drop dead and be gone?
509
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:10,040
Like one day I'm going to learn how to forgive and then I'm going to be in heaven.
510
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,400
You know, I don't know.
511
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:16,000
Do I get to enjoy the life after I learn how to forgive?
512
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,680
I hope you're not really asking me those questions.
513
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,760
No, these are questions I asked myself.
514
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,960
Sure.
515
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:28,640
If someone that you knew had a real fear of death, what would you say to them?
516
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,360
And what's your level of fear?
517
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,520
My level of fear is zero.
518
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:41,200
Like, I am not afraid of death and I'm not afraid of other people dying and the people
519
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:46,200
that I love either because I know, I know that I'm going to see them again.
520
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:50,760
And honestly, I feel like that everything is right here.
521
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,600
It's not like heaven is up in the sky and far, far away.
522
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:55,880
Everything is like right here.
523
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,800
We're all connected energetically.
524
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:04,320
And if somebody passes away and leaves their body, they're still all connected to me.
525
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:08,040
The reason I started talking about this, because like I said, I didn't talk about this very
526
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,040
much.
527
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,720
It was, first of all, I didn't know what really happened.
528
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:19,440
And I mean, I knew what happened by my experience, but really what happened, you know?
529
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:24,360
I started talking about it because it seemed to help some people that, because a lot of
530
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,200
people live in fear of death, of dying.
531
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,440
I mean, they'll hang on until the inf-degree.
532
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:35,440
They'll be sick for long periods of time when they don't have to be.
533
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,920
And probably because of fear of death.
534
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,720
And so I started talking about it.
535
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:46,760
If anybody, you know, asks about my background, that is definitely one of the things that
536
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:51,920
I would bring up if I felt comfortable talking to that person and telling them my story.
537
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,880
And a lot of people are like, what?
538
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:54,880
Holy cow.
539
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,240
Oh yeah, you can blow people's minds.
540
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,720
It has to be in the right setting and stuff to talk to them about.
541
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:08,240
I'm also really happy for you that you had a good nurse who was so very understanding.
542
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,440
And she didn't try to make you think that you were crazy or something.
543
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,560
I didn't get too in depth with her.
544
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:21,960
I just started telling her like, listen, I was like hovering over my body and this crazy
545
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:22,960
thing happened.
546
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,280
And she was just like, oh, it happened all the time.
547
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,040
I can't imagine what they hear.
548
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,680
Yeah, crazy stuff.
549
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,680
Okay.
550
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,360
Well, Tessa, those are some great messages.
551
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,080
Do you have anything else you want to leave our listeners with?
552
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,960
Just not to be afraid of death.
553
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,720
That is, it's really important to not be afraid of death.
554
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,280
Live every day like it is your last day.
555
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,840
I do definitely do now.
556
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,680
And it's a very pleasant, wonderful experience, at least for me it was.
557
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,400
All right, thank you.
558
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:57,400
I hope you can introduce me to Aunt Gladys someday, way in the future.
559
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,400
Oh, gosh.
560
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:02,000
I can't, I hope, I hope I get to see her again.
561
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,000
Sounds fun.
562
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,760
All right, thanks a lot, Tessa.
563
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,760
Thank you.
564
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,560
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
565
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:16,640
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtriptest.com.
566
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,920
If you want to share your near-death experience or if you have questions or comments about
567
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:25,240
the show, send an email to ericatroundtriptest.com.
568
00:34:25,240 --> 00:34:52,520
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.
